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TWO FRIENDS.

Two friends, who had not seen each other for a length of time, met one day by accident.— How do you do ?' says one. So so,' replies the other and yet I was married since you and I were together.'—. That is good news.'— Not very good-for it was my lot to choose a termagent.'— It is a pity. —I hardly think it so—for she brought me two thousand pounds.'—Well, there is comfort ?'— Not so much—for with her fortune I purchased a quantity of sheep, and they are all dead of the rot.'“That is indeed distressing !– Not so distressing as you may imagine-for, by the sale of their skins, I got more than the sheep cost me.'— In that case you are indemnified.'— By no means ; for my house and all my money have been destroyed by fire !'—' Alas! that was a dreadful misfortune ! — Faith, not so dreadful, for my termagent wife and my house were burnt together.'

MY WIFE AND THE PAIR OF SHOES.

A FELLOW, famous for his birth,
For witty tricks, sir, and for mirth,
Once roam'd about a country fair,
And carried in his hands a pair

Of shoes :
That they were water-proof he swore,
And never once had they been wore

Upon the toes.
From what he said, there was no doubt

But that the shoes were very good ;
Indeed, he swore they'd ne'er wear out,

Let them be trode in how they would.

To hear this fellow talk and joke,

A gaping crowd soon gather'd round him,
Swallowing the very words he spoke,

For none with questions could confound him.
• Gemmen,' says he, “I carry here

A pair of shoes for him to wear
Who will upon the gospel swear
His lawful wife he does not fear.'
Conscience, that fierce disarming pow'r,
Made many of them look quite sour,

As if the devil possess'd them:

Indeed there was not one that could
Swear, even by his flesh and blood,

His rib, sir, had not dress'd him.
Again the shoes that fellow wav'd in air,
But all was disappointment and despair.

Some time elaps'd--at length a clown appear'd,
Who said he nothing fear'd;

Nothing !' the fellow cried, ‘have not you a wife?"
*I have, and love her as my life ;
She's comely, sprightly, dresses tight and clean,
And, zooks ! I think the very shoes I've seen

Will fit
Her feet.'

• You're sure,' the wag replied, “you're speaking truth po • Upon my soul, I an't afraid of Ruth,' The bumpkin cried, and with a frown Offer'd to back his answer with a crown. • Then swear it,' quoth the wag, upon this book ; John doff'd his hat, and straight the oath he took; And then, with simp'ring jaws and goggle eyes, He scratch'd his mopsy-head, and claim'd the prize.

• Take thou the shoes,' the wag replied anon,
For thou dost certainly deserve them, John;

But to preserve them,
Let me advise you that you take
Of blacking, John, this patent cake,
And frequently and freely use
The liquid it will make, about the shoes.'

• Odds rabbit !' the bumpkin said,
Look'd at his bran-span coat, and scratch'd his head.

. Why, what's the matter?' gravely ask'd the wag;
• Why, now I think on't, if I take the blacking,
And hap to dirt my pocket with the same;'
• What then? friend John.'-' Odds clouts, my dama
Would give me what she calls a whacking.

John now becomes the public butt--the wag,
Popping the shoes into a bag,

Exclaim'd,
• Go home, and let thy courage be reclaim'd,
And learn from me, my friend, it is my plan,

That any man,
Whether he lives in poverty or riches,
Before he puts these shoes upon his feet,
Shall wear what makes the married man completa.
The breeches.'

THE SAILOR AND THE JEW ; OR, THE KNOWING

ONE TAKEN IN.

An honest Jack Tar, after buffeting the tempestuous ocean, return’d joyfully to Portsmouth, determined to spend his prize money and wages, to which he was so justly entitled, as jovially as he had obtained them laboriously ; accordingly, having entirely new rigg'd himself, he sallied forth in quest of adventures ; a coach from London presented itself; he immediately resolved to visit that place, and enjoy every luxury and amusement it could afford; when on the point of bargaining with the coach-, man for his passage, a thought occurred, worthy of him and every Englishman, which was to provide for a future contingency: —for judging that he should not return over burthened with cash, he premeditated a scheme which should answer his future. demands at his return, by paying both the coach and expenses on the road double the value, which he put in execution ; and at every inn, he agreed with them to serve him in the same manner, free of expense, on his return again : ‘But,' says the landlord of each house, ' how am I to know you from any other man?' • Why, hark ye,' says Jack, do you see this old hat ? I will put it on my stick and give it a twirl, saying, what have I to pay, dam’me-then you will know it is Jack Capstan.'

Having settled agreeably to all parties, he took his departure, and soon found himself in the scenes of riot and dissipation : and to his sorrow, presently he found himself devoid of money, not having a penny left.

His stay of course was short, without friends, money, or any thing to subsist on : he, as the only expedient left, thought of returning to his ship; but here a fresh obstacle arose, for being totally out of money, he began to revolve in his mind what plan to pursue, when crossing the street he espied the very coachman who drove him to town; then, and not till then, did his providential provision occur to his memory, his heart expanded at the thought, and accosting him with, • What cheer, my lad ?' and twirling his hat, presently brought him to his recollection, and agreed to go with him that day.

In the coach he was joined by an old son of Israel, who soon asked him where he was going. Jack answered, to Portsmouth to join his ship. The Jew, finding he was to accompany the tar throughout, said to himself, ' Dare vou'd be great credit in outvitting him ;' so he set his wits to work ; but the biter was bit, and Jack came off triumphant.

The first inn they stopped at, Jack had what refreshment he was entitled to for the twirl of his hat: the Jew being present when this happened at every house they baited at, thought he must be in possession of Fortunatus's wishing hat, envied his good fortune, and took a great fancy to the hat, and offered him more than double the value of it, and thereby gain a coot bargain, and outwit the Christian. “No, dam'me,' says Jack, this is an old family affair--at any rate, I will not sell it under one hundred guineas. Poor Moses did not relish the demand, but was resolved not to let slip so good an opportunity of enriching himself and travelling at free cost.

After a great deal of pro and con, he paid Jack fifty pounds, and a draft for the like sum on demand, and departed greatly delighted with his bargain. Jack, no less so, hastened to convert his paper into gold, and live jovially on it till spent, and then be off to sea.

But to return to poor Moses, who hastened to impart his good luck to his dear Rebecca, but she suspecting some deception, was not so elated as he hoped to find her ; he said but little, but having a journey to perform the following week, resolved to take no cash with him, thinking his hat would defray all expenses ; he accordingly takes a place for London ; at the first inn, orders a sumptuous repast, with the best wines, &c. but on calling to know what he had to pay, the landlord gave him a long bill.-Moses smiled and twirled his hat– Now, what haff I to pay ??—so much, replied the landlord.

After repeating the same to no manner of purpose, he turned it the contrary way, saying, “ vat haff I cot to pay dis vay, den ??— The landlord began to be enraged, and taking him by the collar, swore if he did not pay that instant, he would send him to jail ; which so frightened the poor Israelite, that he left his watch, and made the best of his way home to his dear Rebecca.

THE DYING CHIEF.

The stars looked down on the battle plain,

Where night-winds were deeply sighing,
And with shattered lance near his war-steed slain,

Lay a youthful chieftain dying.

He had folded round his gallant breast

The banner once o'er him streaming,
For a noble shroud, as he sunk to rest

On the couch that knows no dreaming.

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Proudly he lay on his broken shield,

By the rushing Guadalquiver,
While, dark with the blood of his last red field,

Swept on the majestic river.

There were hands which came to bind his wound,

There were eyes o'er the warrior weeping,
But he raised his head from the dewy ground,

Where the land's high hearts were sleeping !

And · Away!' he cried—your aid is vain,

My soul may not brook recailing,-
I have seen the stately flower of Spain

Like the Autumn vine-leaves falling.

*I have seen the Moorish banners wave

O'er the halls where my youth was cherished;
I have drawn a sword that could not save;

I have stood where my king hath perished !

Leave me to die with the free and brave,

On the banks of my own bright river !
Ye can give me nought but a warrior's grave,

By the chainless Guadalquiver !'

GENERAL ELECTION.

AIR.-.-' Downfall of Faris.'

Oh! what a kick-up, what a hubbub and devilry,
Is an election, where all's fun and revelry;

Voters all roll

In time to the poll,

And 'twould make you laugh to see 'em, by gole.
Mobs upon mobs in a trice now collecting are,
Their favourite candidate in haste they selecting are,

Quick,-quick, there; make way,

Let's have no delay !
Flambeau for ever! 'tis he'll win the day.

Spoken.] Liberty and independence !--Vote for Sir Frederick Flambeau, he is a man who will stick by you ;-he'll say to you—Damn you, where are you coming ?-Can't you see? No, I can't see ; don't you see I'm blind ? Blind! then a blind man ought always to have his eyes open when he comes to a place like this. Vote for Botherem. I shan't wote for he; I shall wote for who I like. You can't vote. Vy? aint I got a tene

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