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Two friends, who had not seen each other for a length of time, met one day by accident.— How do you do ?' says one. So so,' replies the other and yet I was married since you and I were together.'—. That is good news.'— Not very good-for it was my lot to choose a termagent.'— It is a pity. —I hardly think it so—for she brought me two thousand pounds.'—Well, there is comfort ?'— Not so much—for with her fortune I purchased a quantity of sheep, and they are all dead of the rot.'“That is indeed distressing !– Not so distressing as you may imagine-for, by the sale of their skins, I got more than the sheep cost me.'— In that case you are indemnified.'— By no means ; for my house and all my money have been destroyed by fire !'—' Alas! that was a dreadful misfortune ! — Faith, not so dreadful, for my termagent wife and my house were burnt together.'
MY WIFE AND THE PAIR OF SHOES.
A FELLOW, famous for his birth,
Of shoes :
Upon the toes.
But that the shoes were very good ;
Let them be trode in how they would.
To hear this fellow talk and joke,
A gaping crowd soon gather'd round him,
For none with questions could confound him.
A pair of shoes for him to wear
As if the devil possess'd them:
Indeed there was not one that could
His rib, sir, had not dress'd him.
Some time elaps'd--at length a clown appear'd,
Nothing !' the fellow cried, ‘have not you a wife?"
• You're sure,' the wag replied, “you're speaking truth po • Upon my soul, I an't afraid of Ruth,' The bumpkin cried, and with a frown Offer'd to back his answer with a crown. • Then swear it,' quoth the wag, upon this book ; John doff'd his hat, and straight the oath he took; And then, with simp'ring jaws and goggle eyes, He scratch'd his mopsy-head, and claim'd the prize.
• Take thou the shoes,' the wag replied anon,
But to preserve them,
• Odds rabbit !' the bumpkin said,
. Why, what's the matter?' gravely ask'd the wag;
John now becomes the public butt--the wag,
That any man,
THE SAILOR AND THE JEW ; OR, THE KNOWING
ONE TAKEN IN.
An honest Jack Tar, after buffeting the tempestuous ocean, return’d joyfully to Portsmouth, determined to spend his prize money and wages, to which he was so justly entitled, as jovially as he had obtained them laboriously ; accordingly, having entirely new rigg'd himself, he sallied forth in quest of adventures ; a coach from London presented itself; he immediately resolved to visit that place, and enjoy every luxury and amusement it could afford; when on the point of bargaining with the coach-, man for his passage, a thought occurred, worthy of him and every Englishman, which was to provide for a future contingency: —for judging that he should not return over burthened with cash, he premeditated a scheme which should answer his future. demands at his return, by paying both the coach and expenses on the road double the value, which he put in execution ; and at every inn, he agreed with them to serve him in the same manner, free of expense, on his return again : ‘But,' says the landlord of each house, ' how am I to know you from any other man?' • Why, hark ye,' says Jack, do you see this old hat ? I will put it on my stick and give it a twirl, saying, what have I to pay, dam’me-then you will know it is Jack Capstan.'
Having settled agreeably to all parties, he took his departure, and soon found himself in the scenes of riot and dissipation : and to his sorrow, presently he found himself devoid of money, not having a penny left.
His stay of course was short, without friends, money, or any thing to subsist on : he, as the only expedient left, thought of returning to his ship; but here a fresh obstacle arose, for being totally out of money, he began to revolve in his mind what plan to pursue, when crossing the street he espied the very coachman who drove him to town; then, and not till then, did his providential provision occur to his memory, his heart expanded at the thought, and accosting him with, • What cheer, my lad ?' and twirling his hat, presently brought him to his recollection, and agreed to go with him that day.
In the coach he was joined by an old son of Israel, who soon asked him where he was going. Jack answered, to Portsmouth to join his ship. The Jew, finding he was to accompany the tar throughout, said to himself, ' Dare vou'd be great credit in outvitting him ;' so he set his wits to work ; but the biter was bit, and Jack came off triumphant.
The first inn they stopped at, Jack had what refreshment he was entitled to for the twirl of his hat: the Jew being present when this happened at every house they baited at, thought he must be in possession of Fortunatus's wishing hat, envied his good fortune, and took a great fancy to the hat, and offered him more than double the value of it, and thereby gain a coot bargain, and outwit the Christian. “No, dam'me,' says Jack, this is an old family affair--at any rate, I will not sell it under one hundred guineas. Poor Moses did not relish the demand, but was resolved not to let slip so good an opportunity of enriching himself and travelling at free cost.
After a great deal of pro and con, he paid Jack fifty pounds, and a draft for the like sum on demand, and departed greatly delighted with his bargain. Jack, no less so, hastened to convert his paper into gold, and live jovially on it till spent, and then be off to sea.
But to return to poor Moses, who hastened to impart his good luck to his dear Rebecca, but she suspecting some deception, was not so elated as he hoped to find her ; he said but little, but having a journey to perform the following week, resolved to take no cash with him, thinking his hat would defray all expenses ; he accordingly takes a place for London ; at the first inn, orders a sumptuous repast, with the best wines, &c. but on calling to know what he had to pay, the landlord gave him a long bill.-Moses smiled and twirled his hat– Now, what haff I to pay ??—so much, replied the landlord.
After repeating the same to no manner of purpose, he turned it the contrary way, saying, “ vat haff I cot to pay dis vay, den ??— The landlord began to be enraged, and taking him by the collar, swore if he did not pay that instant, he would send him to jail ; which so frightened the poor Israelite, that he left his watch, and made the best of his way home to his dear Rebecca.
THE DYING CHIEF.
The stars looked down on the battle plain,
Where night-winds were deeply sighing,
Lay a youthful chieftain dying.
He had folded round his gallant breast
The banner once o'er him streaming,
On the couch that knows no dreaming.
Proudly he lay on his broken shield,
By the rushing Guadalquiver,
Swept on the majestic river.
There were hands which came to bind his wound,
There were eyes o'er the warrior weeping,
Where the land's high hearts were sleeping !
And · Away!' he cried—your aid is vain,
My soul may not brook recailing,-
Like the Autumn vine-leaves falling.
*I have seen the Moorish banners wave
O'er the halls where my youth was cherished;
I have stood where my king hath perished !
Leave me to die with the free and brave,
On the banks of my own bright river !
By the chainless Guadalquiver !'
AIR.-.-' Downfall of Faris.'
Oh! what a kick-up, what a hubbub and devilry,
Voters all roll
In time to the poll,
And 'twould make you laugh to see 'em, by gole.
Quick,-quick, there; make way,
Let's have no delay !
Spoken.] Liberty and independence !--Vote for Sir Frederick Flambeau, he is a man who will stick by you ;-he'll say to you—Damn you, where are you coming ?-Can't you see? No, I can't see ; don't you see I'm blind ? Blind! then a blind man ought always to have his eyes open when he comes to a place like this. Vote for Botherem. I shan't wote for he; I shall wote for who I like. You can't vote. Vy? aint I got a tene