The itch of picture in the front,
With bays and wicked rhyme upon't,
All that is left o' th' forked hill,
To make men scribble without skill;
Can'st make a poet spite of fate,
And teach all people to translate,
Though out of languages in which
They understand no part of speech:
Assist me but this once, I 'mplore,
And I shall trouble thee no more.
In western clime there is a town,
To those that dwell therein well known;
Therefore there needs no more be said here,
We unto them refer our reader;
For brevity is very good
When w' are, or are not understood.
To this town people did repair
And round about the pole does make
A circle like a bear at stake,
That at the chain's end wheels about,
And overturns the rabble-rout.
For after solemn proclamation
In the bear's name, (as is the fashion,
According to the law of arms,
To keep men from inglorious harms,)
That none presume to come so near,
As forty foot of stake of bear;
If any yet be so fool-hardy,
T' expose themselves to vain jeopardy,
If they come wounded off, and lame,
No honour's got by such a maim;
Although the bear gain much, b'ing bound
In honour to make good his ground,
When he's engag'd, and take no notice,
If any press upon him, who 'tis;
But lets them know, at their own cost,
That he intends to keep his post,
This to prevent, and other harms,
Which always wait on feats of arms,
(For in the hurry of a fray,
'Tis hard to keep out of harm's way,)
Thither the Knight his course did steer,
To keep the peace 'twixt dog and bear;
As he believ'd h' was bound to do
In conscience and commission too;
And therefore thus bespoke the Squire:
We that are wisely mounted higher
For so of late men fighting name,
Because they often prove the same;
(For where the first does hap to be,
The last does coincidere);
They fight for no espoused cause,
Frail privilege, fundamental laws,
Nor for a thorough reformation,
Nor covenant, nor protestation,
Nor liberty of consciences,
Nor Lords nor Commons ordinances;
Nor for the church, nor for church-lands,
To get them in their own no-hands;
Nor evil counsellors to bring
To justice, that seduce the King;
Nor for the worship of us men,
Though we have done as much for them,
Th' Egyptians worshipp'd dogs, and for
Their faith made internecine war:
Others ador'd a rat, and some
For that church suffer'd martyrdom;
The Indians fought for the truth
Of th' elephant and monkey's tooth:
And many, to defend that faith,
Fought it out mordicus to death:
But no beast ever was so slight
Get pigs all th' year, and bitches dogs;
Just so, by our example, cattle
Learn to give one another battle.
We read in Nero's time, the Heathen,
When they destroy'd the Christian brethren,
They sew'd them in the skins of bears,
First, for the name, the word Bear-baiting
Is carnal, and of man's creating :
For certainly there's no such word
In all the scripture on record,
Therefore unlawful, and a sin;
And so is (secondly) the thing.
A vile assembly 'tis, that can
No more be prov'd by Scripture, than
Provincial, classic, national,
Mere human creature cobwebs all.
Thirdly, it is idolatrous;
For men when men run a-whoring thus
With their inventions, whatsoe❜er
The thing be, whether dog or bear,
It is idolatrous and Pagan,
No less than worshipping of Dagon.
Quoth Hudibras, I smell a rat;
Ralpho, thou dost prevaricate;
For though the thesis which thou lay'st
Be true ad amussim, as thou say'st;
(For that bear-beating should appear
Jure divino lawfuller
Than synods are, thou dost deny,
Totidem verbis, so do I :)
Yet there's a fallacy in this;
For if by sly homœosis,
Tussis pro crepitu, an art
Under a cough to slur a f--t,
Thou would'st sophistically imply,
That put 'em in a bag, and shake 'em,
Yourself o' the sudden would mistake 'em,
And not know which is which unless
You measure by their wickedness:
For 'tis not hard t' imagine whether
O' th' two is worst, though I name neither.
Quoth Hudibras, Thou offer'st much,
But art not able to keep touch.
Mira de lente, as 'tis i' th' adage,
Id est, to make a leek a cabbage;
Thou'lt be at best but such a ball,
Or shear swine, all cry, and no wool;
For what can synods have at all,
With bear that's analogical?
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