replied in the affirmative to my enquiry whether his master was at home. With my card the cadaverous footman proceeded to his master, while I was invited to remain in the hall; and the cadaverous footman, observing that I had walked to the house, desired me with a sneer to stand upon the matfor in Ireland as in England you must have observed that flunkies have a terrible hatred to mad dogs, and to people who visit their masters' houses on foot. I presume the cadaverous flunky duly presented the card to his master, who, after observing, loud enough for me to hear, "I don't know him at all," desired the cadaverous flunky in a loud tone to "ask him what he wants," upon replying to which polite interrogatory, I was, with much demur, finally admitted.

"What may your business be with me?" enquired the Right Honourable Anthony Lumpkin Snake, in that tone of vulgar insolence in which he is accustomed to address his inferiors, as a sort of set-off for the lick-spittling subserviency with which he approaches every one above him.

"I took the liberty, sir, of waiting on you to say that I have been recommended by Lord Clangallaher as a proper person to fill the situation of Inspector of National Navigation, and with many apologies for the intrusion, venture to solicit your kind interference on my behalf, at the forthcoming election.'

Pray, sir,

"Lord Clangallaher! have you any claim on me?" "None, sir, whatever." “Then, I have only to say, I am astonished at your effrontery in coming to my house to trouble me. I know little of the Earl of Clangallaher, and care less; and as for you, sir, what do I know of you?"

I bowed, and remained silent. I felt that I had degraded myself in soliciting a favour from a scoundrelhe might have brained me at that moment with his lady's fan!

"The Reverend Jim Crow," said I to myself, "is a Christian clergyman, and a Christian clergyman is ever a gentlemen. He may not feel inclined to give me his interest, perhaps, but doubtless he will not insult me.'

With this rather premature reflection I took my way to the residence of the Reverend Jim Crow.

The Reverend Jim Crow entered the room as he enters the presence

chamber of every pis aller lord lieutenant, on every levee day (and if you wish to get thoroughly sea-sick— it may do you good-I recommend you to go to a levee to look at him), wriggling and contorting his body in various evolutions, rubbing his hands one upon the other, sniggling and simpering, abasement clerically personified. I told him, in a few words, the object I had in view in troubling him; upon which, with many contortions of his India-rubber back, he sniggled out an answer as follows:

My dear sir-do you know I feel acutely the great value of the recommendation of Lord Clangallaher, or any other nobleman of his rank and station, and I declare from my heart (laying his hand on the place usually occupied by that organ), that I believe his lordship, when he says, what is so very plain to be seen, that you are a gentleman of great attainments. (Here I bowed very low.) But you know, sir, my dear sir, that I have a duty to discharge, to God (pointing upwards with his fore-finger), and to my country-(laying his hand once more on his cardiac region), and I do assure you that I have opposed my own relatives who hold situations at that board, and that I mean to prevent my own friends, as far as I can, from getting situations-merit, my dear sir

you will excuse me-but merit is with me-for I know my duty-the sole con-si-de-ra-ti-on: therefore, with great regret, the deepest regret, I have to inform you that my duty to God, and my country--I say my duty-not my inclination (with a Satanic leer), preclude me, very much against my will, from giving you the slightest hope (here his Reverence heaved a sigh, and turned up the whites of his eyes like a duck in thunder), the slightest hope of obtaining this situation. Good morning, my dear sir, God bless you!

With this, the Reverend Jim Crow bowed me out, and I returned to my dear Sophia, who wept bitter tears, less for the disappointment I had experienced, than the insolence I had endured from wretches, the loftiest of whom, I will say, and what is more, if God spares me, I will prove, is unworthy to lick the dirt from my shoes!

I dismissed from my mind all recollection of these vermin, and made arrangements for returning to labour and to London with my dearest Sophia, the parent of my pleasures, and

the soother of my cares, to whose bosom I turn in my sorrow and in my joy-in whose sweet companionship I find the only luxury of life, and on

whose breast, where I have deposited all my cares, I hope, when the weary world brings me to an end, to breathe contentedly my latest sigh!

I was not a little surprised to receive, on the morning preceding the day that was to have witnessed our embarkation for England, a neat envelope, with a card of invitation to dinner, from the Viscount Cremona, which had hardly arrived, when another missive was received, enclosing a card for an evening party, from the Reverend Jim and Mrs Crow.

As these scoundrels do not usually exhibit their insolence after this fashion, I concluded the affair was a hoax, and could make neither head nor tail of it, until Sophia, who usually looked at the morning papers for me, observed, on perusing the paper of this eventful morning, that the murder was out.

"What do you mean, my love?" enquired I.

"We are enabled to state, upon unquestionable authority, that the Earl of Alderney is selected to replace Lord Foozlelesly as Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, and that his Excellency has been pleased to appoint the Honourable George Gallaher, second son of the Earl of Clangallaher, to be private secretary to his Excellency," read, Sophia.

The murder is out, indeed," exclaimed I" the spaniels!"

"Pardon me, love," interrupted Sophy, "you have no right to libel spaniels they have at least the virtue of fidelity."

"Very true, Sophy; I beg the spaniels' pardon."

In the course of the day, the cadaverous flunky, appertaining to Mr Lumpkin Snake, arrived with a message from the right honourable rascal, his master, to the effect that Mr Snake would be happy to know if it would be convenient for me to favour him with an interview, and where; and to express his regret that the indisposition of Mrs Lumpkin Snake rendered it impossible for him at present to gratify the wish nearest to his heart, of having me on a visit at Lumpkin

Rejected Addresses.

Lodge. By the persuasion of Sophia, my guide, philosopher, and friend, I abandoned my original intention of kicking the cadaverous flunky down stairs, and consented, dreadfully against the grain, to say that I would be happy (God forgive me) to see Mr Snake whenever he pleased to favour me with a call-went to dinner to Viscount Cremona, for which I was suf ficiently punished, in being obliged to affect to listen to his lordship's murderous performance on the violoncello of a fantasia of Lindley-and after that adjourned to the mansion of the Reverend Jim Crow, where I drank, of pure malice, three bottles of champagne, the receipt whereof I hereby acknowledge.

In short, until the day of the election for an Inspector of National Navigation arrived, my life was one continued round of feasting and fiddling. I did not, indeed, visit Lumpkin Lodge, but I thought nothing of that, as I was told that the indisposition of Mrs Lumpkin Snake was of a chronic nature, and that in her disease the smell of a kitchen fire would be fatal! If I had been the Earl of Alderney, or the Honourable George Gallaher himself, I could not have been treated with more distinction. Not only was I invited to parties, but parties were actually made on my account-carriages were perpetually driving to the door of our obscure lodging in Denzille Street, and Sophia was wearied with importunities to visit people of viceregal consequence, whose names she had never heard before. I will honestly confess that I was swindled out of my sound senses, by the exhibition of this hollow-hearted rascality. I actually believed that it was to me, not to the Honourable George Gallaher and his venerable father, that all this adoration was paid; and believing myself possessed of some hitherto undiscovered merit, plumed myself on my success, and fell into the trap!

If I live a thousand years, I never

will forget the day of my election as the Inspector of National Navigation. I went up to the board-room, know. ing that I was already elected, and the reverend and right honourable rascals composing the Board, went up to the board-room, well knowing in their hearts that they had elected me, and that if I were blind, deaf, or paralytic, they had not, with the fear of the Lord (Lieutenant) before their eyes, dared to do otherwise. However, the farce must be solemnly performed, and solemnly performed it accordingly was. Although the vacancy about to be filled up was studiously concealed, lest the public should get wind of it and bestow it on some eminent civil engineer, or other qualified person, there were six-and-fifty candidates; and, may I never see Malahide, if I didn't pity the poor deluded devils, many of them from distant parts of the country, then and there assembled, to be immolated at the shrine of the solemn humbug of an already decided election. They were all snobs, and I have a natural aversion to that frequent variety of the human animal. By the way, they were not all snobs: there was one so palpably a gentleman I knew him by that first and surest criterion of his class, repose that I cottoned to him in a moment; for, thank God, although poverty precluded me through life from emulating the gentlemanly dress and deportment, it cannot deprive one of the right to admire gentlemanly sentiments and habits. I entered into conversation with this gentleman, a fine intelligent young fellow-frank, not familiar-manly, not brusque serious, not solemn-gay, not trifling. But, in short, you read this Magazine, and, as a gentleman, you must know what he was. His father, he told me, had been a field-officer in the British army-I forget the corps, but I think it was the 18th light dragoons. After long and honourable service, he was seduced by some swindler in coloniza tion matters (such as are now not only protected, but encouraged by the present government, in every sort of extortion, oppression, and deceit), and having sold out of the army, purchased a territory from the colonization crimp, where, having laid out his little all in the necessary expenses, and the transport of his family, he discovered that all of his estate that did not consist of lakes! was one dense forest and

impassable swamp. He returned to his native country a beggar, and died soon after of a broken heart.

"In a very few years," said his son, with tears in his eyes, "my father must have been a Major-general, when I could have been ensured a commission in the service."

"Perhaps, sir," said I, "your father's services might, if properly represented, still entitle you to the notice of the Horse-Guards."

"I fear not," replied the young gentleman; " we have made application repeatedly, and my mother and sisters, by a sacrifice of their little patrimony, have actually lodged the money for a commission, but we have been uniformly answered from the Horse-Guards that no hope can be afforded me of an entry into the service. I heard of this situation," continued he; "and being desirous to relieve myself of the horrid consciousness that I have contributed to the poverty, if not to the misery, of my family, I have applied for it. Oh! how happy it would make them if I should succeed!"

I felt almost ashamed of myself, for I knew he would not succeed, and I knew that I was to preclude his hopes of success. I thought of his mother and sisters-I thought of my Sophia; and I will say for Sophia that this was the only moment of my life when I wished I had never married.

The surly porter of the Commissioners of National Navigation entered the apartment, and having called out my name in an authoritative voice, I left the room and ascended the state staircase after the fellow, who bowed very low at every step, as if he knew that it was all settled, and that I was already the inspector; for the vermin about public offices have a sort of instinct in discovering the proper objects of their future subserviency. The secretary-a gentleman and scholarreceived me very politely at the door of the board-room, and the Commissioners, when I entered, desired me to take a chair.

"Hum-ha-just so-exactly soexcuse us, mister-ah!-you knowhum-ha-that it is a part of our-hum -duty-to-ah! ah enquire - into the-hum-qualifications-hum-of

candidates-at this-hum-election— ha-hum," observed Viscount Cremona, condescendingly.

"A mere matter of form!" said the

Right Honourable Anthony Lumpkin Snake.

"A mere matter of form!" echoed the Reverend Jim Crow.

"A mere matter of form!" chorussed all the other Commissioners of National Navigation.

"Hum-ha-just so-exactly soexcuse us, mister-but we must-hum -ask you for your-hum-what are your pretensions to-hum-this situation?-ha-hum," enquired the Viscount, bowing.

"The Earl of Clangallaher, my lord," I replied, with ludicrous gravity.

"What are your qualifications," enquired Snake, who could be sycophantic, but not civil, nature having made him a rascal, but not a gentleman. "The Earl of Clangallaher, sir," repeated I, with another bow.

'Tis a mere matter of form-but you'll excuse me, my dear sir. May I presume to ask whether you have any other qualification ?" observed the Reverend Jim Crow.

"Only the Earl of Clangallaher," I repeated, for the third time. "Hum-ha-have you

may I ask, any-hum-I mean any testimonials?" again interrogated the Viscount Cremona ?

"Certainly, my lord," said I, "one from the Earl of Clangallaher."

"Have you any other testimonials?" enquired Mr Lumpkin Snake. "Oh yes! sir," I replied; "two from the Earl of Clangallaher !!"

"Have you any other testimo. nials?" re-echoed the Rev. Jim Crow. "By all means, sir, three from the Earl of Clangallaher !!!"

The Commissioners of National Navigation paused, and looked solemnly at one another.

"Hum-ha-I think," observed the Viscount Cremona, looking round the table," the testimonials (!) and qualifications (!!) of this gentleman, are-hum-quite satisfactory."

"Oh! quite satisfactory," replied the Right Honourable Anthony Lumpkin Snake.

"Oh! perfectly satisfactory," said the Reverend Jim Crow. "Oh! perfectly satisfactory," echoed all the other Commissioners of National Navigation.

"Mr Secretary, the gentleman may retire," observed the Viscount Cremona, and Mr Secretary bowed me out with ludicrous gravity, accordingly.

When I descended into the wait

ing-room, all eyes were fixed upon me, and the snobs sidled up, one after another, to get a hint of the nature of my examination.

"Did they ask you the relative strengths of timber and iron?" enquired snob the first. "Yes."

"Did you answer it?"
"No."

"I know that-I know that-I know that!" exclaimed several snobs in a breath.

"May I ask if they examined you on the construction of locks in canals?" enquired snob the second. "Yes." "Did you "No."

know it?"

"I know that-I know that-I know that!" exclaimed the snobs altogether.

The door of the waiting-room opened, and the eyes of all the snobs were concentrated that way, in the expectation of the entrance of the burly porter, when a very different species of apparition presented itself. The door opened, and while all the eyes of all the snobs were directed upon it, a graceful girl entered the apartment. She had not made more than three paces advance into the room, when, modestly looking round, her eyes encountering the vulgar stare of all the snobs, she made a full stop, colouring deeply, and in her embarrassment dropped a packet from her bosom.

I hastened to pick it up, and presenting it to the lady, had just observed on the envelope the words " ON HIS MAJESTY'S SERVICE," when the young gentleman, whose conversation with me I have elsewhere detailed, turning from the window, caught a glimpse of his sister, and, exclaiming "Charlotte," flew instantly to her arms. He led the young lady into a window rather more removed from the gaze of the snobs, and having conversed with her for a moment, approached me in evident emotion, with a request that I would do him the favour to read a letter which he had not sufficient com

"Horse Guards, May 18-. "Sir, I am directed by his Lordship the General Commanding-inChief to acquaint you, that upon a representation made to him of the long and distinguished services of your late father, his lordship has been pleased to recommend you for a commission in the eighteenth light dragoons, without purchase, to which in a few days you will be gazetted accordingly. You are hereby indulged with two months' leave of absence, when you will be expected without delay to join your regiment, now stationed in Dublin, and report yourself to the commanding officer for duty.-I have the honour to be, sir, your very obedient humble servant, "To

Esq. Dublin."

I folded up the letter, handed it to the young gentleman, who pressed my hand warmly, without uttering a word, then, taking his sister, who had drawn her veil closely over her face, but not before some tears dropped from her eyes on his arm, bowed me an adieu, and hastily left the apartment. I went to the window, and saw the young soldier and his sister walk hurriedly down the street, arm in arm. I threw it open, and leaning out, followed them as far as I could with my eyes, but I did not follow them far, for my eyes, somehow or other, became dim.

I forgot the snobs, the commissioners, and the election-it is not every day a man is permitted to enjoy the luxury of beholding a deserving family made happy!

When the four-and-fifty remaining snobs had been examined upon the relative strengths of iron and timber, the construction of locks on canals, and sub-marine architecture, we were all invited by the Secretary to the board-room, where the Viscount Cremona addressed the poor deluded wretches in manner and form following: "Hum-ha-just so-exactly so-so I thought-hum-the Commissioners of National-hum-Navigation, have carefully examined—ha—into the qualifications of every-hum-candidate -and have resolved that Mister-ah -ah-(pointing to me), is by pre

"I may as well tell you all," observed Snake, "that the Commissioners have come to this decision unanimously.

"Unanimously," echoed the Reverend Jim Crow, with emphasis― "Unanimously," chorussed the rest of the Commissioners.

The Secretary bowed us all out, the Commissioners of National Navigation went home in their several carriages to write letters of congratulation to the Earl of Clangallaher (of which I have three now in my pocket), the discomfited snobs sneaked off, wondering how a man came to be elected who knew nothing of the relative strengths of iron and timber, the construction of locks on canals, or sub-marine architecture, and I went home to acquaint Sophia of my success, and to dress for an evening party at the town-mansion of Viscount Cremona.

It is not my purpose here to examine the other appointments of the Commissioners of National Navigation, (and their name is Legion), but this I will solemnly and truly assert, that as far as I could ascertain, not one appointment they ever made, not one person they ever promoted, was promoted or appointed by them upon any other grounds, or for any other reasons than the reasons and the grounds that governed my own appointment.

The Earl of Alderney had not resigned the government of Ireland more than two months, when I received a mandamus from the Commissioners, ordering my attendance upon the next board-day, when I attended accordingly.

On entering the board-room, I was met by a scowl from the Right Hon. Anthony Lumpkin Snake, precisely similar to that with which he greeted me upon my first interview with him at Lumpkin Lɩ dge, and which convinced me that it would not be long before a hole would be picked in my coat by that functionary. The Viscount Cremona, in his usual hesitating manner, which I will not fatigue the reader by further translating, informed me that the Board had been made aware of the fact, that I was able to do something more than write my own name-and that I had actually committed the