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Why, your very wife would be the best of your way back to your afraid of you! What accident may inn, and find a clean fire and a hissnot befall the shaver who contends ing kettle ? No, an empty, fireless with beard in such a penury of coffee-room, every element of discom. light as the blustering morning withfort and incentive to ill-humour. To out, and the unsnuffed dip within the still silent streets, therefore, you contribute to afford ? Shaving at must necessarily betake yourself, and Dover, at best, is only trying to there, amidst the sadness of unclosing shave, for futile is the attempt to coax shops, abide the resuscitation of hotel hard white soap by help of harder life. Yonder (let me be your cicewater into a proper crasis. And now, rone) is the gaunt figure of Mr Mum. dressed in Guy Faux fashion, and mery, at the door of his slop-shop, in gone forth to explore, behold all your Snargate Street; those sly barbingers misgivings of the weather confirmed! of the day (like the Hours in Guido's Two incorruptible weathercocks give Rospiglion), are Messrs Levi and you your doom, sw. or SSW. to Moses, of whom the one is arranging ihe letter. Think not, 0, Cockney! his “ museum," and the other getting to sap the judgment of some veteran his “ temple of fancy" ready for the pilot (who laughs at your ignorance), stray visitor of Cocaigne. Still more into the faintest expectation of better certain signals of commencing day things; nor set yourself to bawl, are soon afforded in the mopping and holding your hat with both hands, to slopping of door-steps, the friction of the imperturbable skipper on board, brass-plates and knockers, and the whose reply, if he vouchsafe any to war of the scrubbing brush and sand such a pale-looking miserable devil, upon much-enduring door-steps. cannot possibly reach you, but is borne think that we may now venture back away to Deal and the Downs. No, to the hotel, and call at least for no; you are in for it for at least twenty- breakfast-not that it will come, for four hours, during nine or ten of the water does not boil, the rolls are which you may stare through the hazy not arrived, the bread has to be horizon along the denuded country, toasted, and the milk-pail is late. The or make a desperate sortie in the in- coffee - room, however, which was terval of squalls to yonder cliffs, to empty, is now occupied, and the octhe west, and listen to the noisy sea- cupants are of a class of individuals bird working up against the gale, or whom the waiters and chambermaids pore upon the uplifted and prone de- designate by the name of “ gents."* scending mass of turbid waters ; but With these companions, then-fel. it is too early for these out of door low-creatures, no doubt, but not inte. pleasures. The first meal of the day resting, natural, or informed onesand the newspapers (which, however, we are to pass this blessed 10th of you read yesterday in London), would November, amidst fresh arrivals of at present be more acceptable, and wet umbrellas and drenched coats help to cheat you of at least one of from mud-bespattered coaches. But the hours before you ; in obedience to the heaviest day wends on ! The which instinctive feeling you make waiter's proposal of one of three eter
A gent is an individual of that genus for whose particular eyes cheap stocks and flash garments, at alarmingly low prices, are ticketed all round Charing Crossas shooting jackets for parties who don't know one end of a gun from the other, pilot. coats for street-going swells, who would, indeed, be pleasant people in a gale of wind, &c. A gent is he to whom the assiduous Boots proffers a pair of dirty slippers, and in which, nothing revolted, the party sits at ease at his tea, or brandy and water, exchanging facetiousness with, or extracting conversation from the waiter. A gent is the person whom the coachman does not even turn to look at, as he says,
“ Chuck doun that gent's carpet-bag, Bill! Come now, be alive !"-imparting an added dose of the principle of vitality to the galvanized William in a very surprising manner-the person, whose offered cigar the discerning conductor of the four bag probably declines, while he accepts the pinch from a gentleman's civility. There is a tournure about a gent which there is no mistaking--the superior ease of a gentleman is not the criterion, for a gent is consummately at his ease in all positions, though some of them are not happily chosen.
nal and loathed alternatives, veal nates, who know and care nothing cutlets, beef steaks, or mutton chops, about it. Mean-while, the mate of the with relays of bad potatoes between Britannia, it is certain, does not make them, is to be listened to ; and then his entrée, to beat up for passengers, for the brass candlestick once more, nor is he seen lounging about the amidst the hopes and fears of the mor- door-and this looks ill. O, Dover! row, and a last attempt to extort com- Dover! fortable assurances from the subordi
DOVER, THE DETENU.
Eight o'clock, A.M.-- And here, ac- received into it the shadows of the cordingly, we are for a second day, the shades they were, and to die in the weather fine enough to go out, but arms of friends and kinsfolk;—the only not fine enough to go over. Let us son of his mother, and she a widow cut the coffee-room, walk till we can -the cherished daughter, and the walk no longer, and think a little last ! —the lately blooming wife, the where we are, and why.
lustre of whose bridal garment is What unnumbered thousands, their scarcely tarnished,—or, sadder yet, if hearts overcharged with various for- sadder can be, she that but for this tune and emotion, have, since the parting was to have become such. peace, approached that inconsiderable These are familiar things to the hotels jetty, or seen that shingly beach dis- of Dover, both great and small. All, appear beneath the lofty cliff and the however, who hurry down to the batteries on high! To what innu. packet do not die consumptive ; nor merable feet, and sped on what a va- is health the only object for which men riety of errands, have those sea-washed go abroad. Science and curiosity, pebbles yielded a noisy pathway! listlessness and debt, a reputation that Under what strangely altered views requires nursing and will be the better and unanticipated changes do many for repose, economy and education, of our countrymen gaze once more on politics and pleasure, urge their rethose “marine terraces"—those many- spective votaries. The Bourse, the windowed rows ! Surely no spot on Boulevard, the Institute, the Ballet earth has drunk so many tears, or are not all these at Paris ? heard so many sighs commingling “ Please, sir, are you for Boulogne?"' with the sea-spray, and whirled on in “ Why?" " Because the captain says the passing gust." Verily, if but a few he intends to try it, as the wind is fail. specimens of the last twenty years' ing.” Will he ?-then I'm at his suffering enacted on this small arena service;"- back in a twinkling-portcould be in evidence, soon would the manteau in the passage-bill called gay fancies of youth, and the smiling for--waiter assiduous-the last Enguncertainties of a first trip, be quelled! lish shillings disbursed, --in an hour we Figure to yourself whole thousands of were on our backs in sight of Shakalready hectic forms (never so dear speare's Cliff, with an assurance that as when that cruel cast of expatria- the passage would be tedious, and a tion befell them) sent from this tiny painful experience that its quality was port to occupy some far-off tomb, or to be of a piece with its duration.
CONCERNING PARROTS AND OUR PARROT.
" Quis expedivit psittaco suum xuñes?"-PERS. Although, on some extraordinary oc. sings, and whistles more cleverly, and casions, genius, whether in man or with more variety of emphasis than psittacus, will make its way even in any bird of her inches, and consethe sorriest coat ; and though the quently brings the highest price in the bird of humbler plumage - sometimes parroto market. Your grey parrot rises from the ranks by merit alone, comes next; “ornatur lauro collega yet you may take it as a general rule secundo" -and don't despise him-he that a handsome Amazon swears, always attends to his lesson, and a away upon him.
really good oath is seldom thrown wonder if they sometimes turn out
mauvais sujets ! They begin EuroThe real Amazon is rather smaller pean life in bad society, among sailors, than the full-sized grey parrot, and who demoralize and teach them bad brings, on an average, when yet under language, and are then put to a French tuition, about 90 francs ; but when school on their arrival, without any her voice has attained its full volume, reference to their various talents or and she is understood to be well- capabities. Suppose you ask the ingrounded in the use of her tongue, structor (who is the dealer) what this she asks 200 francs for a permanent or that of his elevés can do? He will engagement, and won't go out for less. tell you, perhaps, that as yet he only The grey parrot, if you buy him in whistles - Qu'il commence à siffler ; his childhood, fetches 70 francs ; but buy him, and the whistle turns out a you should always take counsel of portentous scream. 66 There is nophrenology, or, which is better, take thing but roguery in villainous man.” à connoisseur in parrots with you, Of that very silent bird he will tell who, amidst the discordant din of a you that great things may be expecthundred cages (and nothing out of ed, but he is but just beginning his or. bedlam can equal it) will put his thoepy; the next cage to him, howfinger on the right bird—the bird of ever, can already say, “ Toutes sortes promise for companionship-for of de choses." Now, as you cannot course there is, as in matrimony, a want a parrot who can say “ all sorts lottery in these affairs. In the Lorry of things,” I recommend you to baror false Amazon, you have a bird of 60 gain for his neighbour there, who has francs, who rounds her periods cleverly merely learnt “ Son petit dejtuner ;' enough—but she screams so on the ap- hear him—" As-tu dejeuné, mon petit proach of rain. Then there is the Cocot? Rot-rot-rot-rot de moucommon green parrot, who, though lon?” and, accordingly,“ Petit Cocot, the subject of the “ Vert, Vert," as if rot de mouton," responds the bird. unconscious of all the pretty things “ Chantez donc, quand je bois du vin of Gresset in that charming little claire_tout tourne, tout tourne au capoem, is content with an humble posi- baret;” and “ Tout tourne, tout tourne, tion in the tradesman's shop, and is au cabaret, ”
the accomplished constituted the playmate of the chil- Cocot. “ N'ayez pas peur, Monsieur, dren and the garçon cordonnier in il parle à volonté celui la ;"_his volonté every sunless back street of many-par- at present plainly being to mew like a rotted Havre. There are, besides these, cat while you are speaking about his two kinds of the light-green perruche, price. one of which comes from Senegal, and The parrot is, generally speaking, whistles, as parrots whistle, now and (for a prisoner) a happy bird, though then; the other does not whistle, far mine has eloped twice-I'll tell you less talk, at all, but screeches perpe- about that afterwards—he has reason tually. These are the kinds chiefly to be happy, for he is fed, cleansed, found in the shops, and the object of caressed, and much made of, and purchase to the parrot-fancier. Now, scolds and swears, ad libitum, not only all parrots, be it known, are in- with impunity, but even with applause. structed on the Bell and Lancas. Let grain be scarce, what is Markter system ; in these ecoles primaires Lane to him? He is hung in the the same word is proposed to the whole sunny window, and sits before a well. community, who repeat it much as replenished drawer and a cistern of we used to do the names of places in pure water : not that he is always hap. our geographical lessons at Yverdun ; py-watch him for a week, and you only rewards and punishments, which will soon discover that he has his cares are against our system, are meted out-(le Doge a ses chagrins ; les gondoto the birds, and an emulation excited liers ont les leurs)—as if he were an which is completely anti-Pestalozzian. eagle. Moments of heaviness, of sulki. A short treatise on the art of instruct- ness, and ennui like your own,
has he. ing parrots faithfully (though the great Bad weather he detests. Glasgow hint is in our motto from Persius), would be to him a penal settlement; must be considered as still wanting to even at Paris, on a rainy day, he will our literature; their education, poor mope for hours, one leg tucked up things, is deplorably defective, and no under his belly, dreamily opening, and for a moment only, the eye next the lous with satisfaction ? Shall I let light, the membrane nictitans lying thee out? There—but don't tear my collapsed over the other, now and then gloves, or throw about my papers. lolling out his black tongue, or snatch- Yet blameless, Cocot, art thou not. ing a side sip from his fountain, or, Hadst thou been born in those Bashaply, giving himself a good secousse tile days of 1798, at the other end of to put his feathers to rights, or in re- the Boulevard, thy prison-breaking sistance to some physiological torpor propensities might have been en regle; not yet investigated; but, be his spirits but, to take leave of thy confiding good or bad, he never fails to return master, and, blind to the advantages your “ bon jour" whenever you salute of thine own window by the Madeleine, him, and often assumes, like larger fall in love with liberty under Louis people, an air of easy indifference, at Philippe, and, after the most ambitious the very time that he is jealous of style of scissar-clipt Psittacus, exhibit your divided attention, and would thyself to the whole Rue de la Paix, gladly keep one all day long at his far above the Place Vendome and its side. Like some specimens of the matchless columns; to give me, who genus homo, he will scratch his head am short of breath, a run of a mile or after long abstraction, perhaps to inti. two in the month of May; and make mate that he has been thinking to little me, who am short of money, a perfect purpose ; and, surely, that unprovoked contemner of coin-for well thou and unpremeditated scream should knowest that I threw away half a pockshow that there are fitful and uneasy et full of francs to quicken and mulfancies in his encephalon that we wot not tiply auxiliaries for thy recovery-was of. Whole mornings there are when neither virtuous nor wise. Nor may I he sulks, decidedly sulks ; others when quite spare thee the reproachful reminihe not only refuses his provender, but scence of that second escapade, when scatters and kicks it about like a in revenge, I suppose, for not being naughty child quarrelling with his taken with us to Baden, thou didst take bread and butter; and, though you thyself to Passy; and, having found must allow him a polyglot vocabu- agreeable quarters within a certain lary, alas ! when he takes to scold in bower, in a bachelor's garden, didst imitation of human infirmity, he is wail like an exposed baby for two also very apt to do it in imitation of whole summer nights, to the unspeakhuman organization, and in all the ca
able scandal of his household, especophony of Billingsgate. What vitu- cially of his handmaiden, who obtestperative shrillness! What determina. ed loudly, and would not have been betion to have the last word! Now, lieved innocent but for thy seasonable Cocot, if I should part with thee, who detection. All this, Cocot, requires a wouldst thou get to understand thee long period of penitence and good behalf so well, or talk to thee half so haviour. We are all friends now, but long, or appreciate thy little coaxing beware lest a third act of infidelity ways, or let thy horny bill approach tempt me seriously to look out for his lips with such entire security ?- something in petticoats, and take reBite Thou hast not the least idea of fuge in a wife. Oh! tunes and tymthe outrage. I would trust my baby's panums, what a screech !—for music's finger, if I had one, to thy discretion. sake let us make it up, and without a Sugar? There it is. Where didst moment's delay—“ nec tecum possu. thou learn to bend thy neck in that mus vivere” when in the screaming winning sidelong fashion, or throw up vein ; “ nec sine te" when in the ca thy head, and exhibit the eider down ressing. of thy breast, all purring and tremu
CHEAP FRENCH DINNERS.
Ungrateful that we are, and un- matter; for we never master even the informed too, when we take upon us syntax, let alone the prosody and the to abuse English, and celebrate French ulterior refinements of French cookery. repasts indiscriminately ; to convey Let those who still think a dinner tacit reproach at the tables of kind cooked in France is therefore exceland hospitable friends at home, by even lent, unfold their serviette, and sit naming unknown dishes, in which, down with me in imagination to three after all, our own science is no great francs a-head worth of all that is abo
minable! That which I intend is not deceased quadrupeds! We had eaten the repast a la carte (a navigation on frog at Tivoli and Brussels, and had which no Englishman should venture tasted cat (en patis serié) at Antibes ; -such are its hazards—without taking but the cricoid and thycoid cartilages a French pilot on board), but a table of horse or donkey, till this blessed d'hôte, one rather of pretension, meant day, did we never meet with as an to seduce you and me, and the rest of hors d'æuvre. Next came their beans, us, who know no better, or will pay those detestable white haricots (on no more, into the idea that we have a “ charger” as big as that of the dined. The guests seated, the signal daughter of Herodias in the pictures of issued, off fly the covers of two por all the schools). We never set our tentous elliptical vessels of earthen- eyes on these enormities without conware, and the baling out of a turbid curring with the Samian, " qui ventri bilge water called potage forth with indulsit non omne legumen” Fèves
Now, there are things de marais ! why, it is mere fodderthat one does not venture even to taste; a thing to be neighed for !--and poor and a little of the stained warm water Marius at Minturnæ, supported on this in question had accordingly to travel authentic diet of the prodigal sov, a great way before it found customers. seems more than ever to be pitied ! It was succeeded by a huge dish of So that's what you call a mayfried whiting, with many gashes to onnaise! Away with it!-its milk and represent crimping, an operation which its mustard; its capers and its chopped had humanely been delayed for several anchovies ; its white of egg, and its days (the French being a very tender- yolk of egg-away with it!
" A bit hearted people) after they were caught. of that roast bullock, if you please, The ramollissement of the fibre had, that pater armenti, and add to it one however, been to a certain degree of those yellow potatoes which have counteracted by chlorine, with which, been waxing cold this half hour"-(I or some of its combinations, no fish- · was weary of sitting either stricto monger's stall in Paris is unprovided. pane or eating bread at discretion)To make all sure, the dish was (like alas! a ration of the sevenfold shield Pyrrha's sweetheart) liquidis perfusus of Ajax would have answered the same odoribus, provided with an antisceptic purpose, blunting the knife and not sauce of a very complex character. Now, the appetite ; in short, it would have that some of the science-association. been clear gain to have retired, in gentlemen taste mummy I know, and place of waiting three quarters of an daresay itisrelishing; but hot mummy- hour longer for six apples fried on fat mummy à la maitre d'hotel-could only toast! Some cream, manufactured in be properly appreciated at Canopus. the apothecary's mortar, out of snails When these refections had been disa and blanched almonds, redolent of cussed, these fourrdations for the resto. prussic acid, and confined in a spongeration of nature duly laid, three lean cake embankment; a plate of chewed and nearly incinerated ducks, plumped slices of doe-skin sprinkled with out by chewed or otherwise commi- sugar (of which, I forgot the techni. nuted chesnuts (a post-mortem stuffing, cal name); a sixpenny omelette ; some which might have contributed consi- baked pears, all brown sugar and derably to their edification had they cloves, at which a Spanish muleteer been administered to the living fowl), would have turned up his aquiline were opposed to three of their web- nose ; a flabby salad, fætid gruyère, footed and wilder cousins, called wid- and some pennyworth's of " ladies' geon—bad affairs at best, and present- fingers," stale macaroons and corruing irresistibly the similitude of exactly gated apples, with here and there a the same number of Day and Martin's halfpennyworth of barley sugar drops, blacking bottles rescued from the dust- each wrapped in its paper with a hole, with their necks knocked off. stupid couplet. Four stale and sapless sweetbreads, Pleasant society, too, in Tiberim cushioned in greasy spinach, might defluxit Orontes. The Thames is haply have escaped discovery, but for emptying itself into the Seine. How the angular projection of some obtru- cleverly that “gent” (vide supra), sive hard substances, well known to balances his plate upon the point of the anatomist, which plainly told where his little finger without spilling a drop they came from. Of no pancreatic of the gravy! Yes, the feat is accomorigin, assuredly, were these spoils of plished! and his familiar (whose sen