nations, as regards the integrity of their intentions, and the fidelity of their observance.

But we must return from our discursive wanderings to the plain path of our Prospectus, hoping that the warnings and the praise we have bestowed en passant may be duly appreciated.

We can scarcely forego the pleasure of writing page after page upon the subject of our family affairs in France, and our love for that country has perpetual cause for increased affection. We remember with rapture" the hundred days." How we regard with ecstasy the spectacle of the great men in Paris changing their oaths of fealty three times in about three months—it is a noble specimen of the power of the mind to adapt itself to our circumstances. With satisfaction do we ever return to the study of that virtuous man's character, who was long known and felt in the cabinets of Europe as " Talleyrand."

"We ne'er can see his like again." We consider his talents of first-rate order, particularly the versatility of his genius in applying every public movement to his own peculiar advantage-witness his aptitude to change with every wind of popular opinion— his ability to perceive which spoke in the wheel of fortune would be uppermost when it came to a stand-still and to comprehend at a glance, which was "the beginning of the end." There is not a brighter light on record, as a guide to point out the precise mode to obtain power, wealth, and fame, and his example is a valuable legacy to statesmen. May we be pardoned for changing a few words in a well-known epitaph, and appropriating the lines to the Prince Bishop -that, for aught we know to the contrary, "he is now gone to the place where, only, his deeds can be equalled or excelled."

We had purposed dedicating that part of our work which relates to state craft, to Talleyrand, but, as his lamented death has occurred ere it was ready for the press, we have been necessitated to change our patron, and intend paying the compliment to Pozzo di Borgo, inferior to our dear departed cousin perhaps in execution, but certainly not in intention.

Ambassadors are by profession, as

well as birthright, of our parentage. This privileged order includes all the corpes diplomatique, from a minister plenipotentiary to an attaché. We believe the Russian Court occasionally sends twenty of these young Humbugs in the suite of an embassy.

It is impossible, in a mere prospectus of an important and universal history such as ours, to give more than an outline of subjects which will be amplified in the progress of the work, which is meant, not only to treat of the affairs of Europe, but of the known world.

Much information will be given as to the polity of the Chinese government in church and state-of the golden foot of Burma ; but more especially of the sublety of the Brahmins, who have wisely involved Hindostan in the chains of caste, and by this apparently light, simple expedient have bound the inbabitants, body, soul, and spirit, in the deepest abasement. In that land we have numerous relations, particularly a class of men called Fakeers, who are one and all decided Humbugs. They perambulate the whole of India at their leisure, and travel in a style which would gratify those who admire mankind in "a state of nature;" and although we have not heard that, even in that gorgeous clime," a pomp of winning graces on them wait," yet, from the best authority, we learn they live and die in the full "odour of sanctity," reminding us, by this and other circumstances, of their brethren and our devoted friends, the mendicant friars of Europe.

We have had most careful investigations into the mysteries of ancient oracles, and have been gratified to find every priestess of these shrines were faithful daughters of our mysterious house. True copies we give of the Sybilline Books and Pastorini's Prophecies, all of which are known to be composed, with the best intentions, by our writers.

The volumes upon literature and literary characters will be of a most interesting and startling nature. The English, as is their usual wont, put forth their claim to superiority in an intellectual and moral point of view, even more than in arts and sciences, ships and colonies. In our splendid history we shall show them in their true light, and then leave mankind to judge between us. For instance, these

people always hold up Newton as the connecting link between men and angels, as to intellect, humility, and temper. They say more than enough upon the first and second qualities, and as a proof of the latter, worry us with a dog. Ah! Diamond, Diamond! we shall portray many a philosophe who displayed a very different temper to thy master!

As to Shakspeare-there is no end of their presumption respecting himan absolute A-1 in their list. If he were not a humbug, he understood our merits, and has given a striking instance of the family influence, even in the bosom of Richard the Third, in a scene with the Lady Anne, which is unrivalled as setting forth the elegant insinuating power of our style. Milton is placed by his countrymen as one of the three poets of the world: be that as it may, neither he nor the former mentioned persons will have any notice in our memoirs. They were none of us, as they do not seem to have any understanding beyond nature and truth.

However, we claim as legitimate offspring in the true line, all writers of epitaphs, advertisements, and dedications, likewise poet-laureates (excepting Southey). What is called pastoral poetry is peculiarly our own, although we occasionally launch out into blank verse. Most poets have a family likeness to the Humbugs, either in youth or old age. Our volumes upon this elegant subject, together with the lives of the poets, written in a manner totally unlike that of Johnson, will be dedicated, by permission, to the Rev. Robert Montgomery.

Novels having become of late years a considerable branch of literature, we shall oblige our readers with many octavos upon the early French writers in that line, who stand quite alone in the inimitable precision of their details. Richardson in England bears away the palm for similarly happy prosing. In these days, one Sir Walter Scott has carried all before him in this field, and that he should be approved and read, is an evidence of the change of taste which has now obtained universally.

We always considered the old romances were all that could be wished, and our family does not profit by the alteration; indeed, this Scott was accustomed to treat every Humbug with

such extraordinary disrespect, that we shall not suffer his name to appear in any biographical sketches which we may prepare upon the writers of the nineteenth century.

We have been kindly permitted by Edward Lytton Bulwer to grace this part of our work with the fine Cicerolike-looking portrait of himself, which appears in the Pilgrims of the Rhine.

Of the writers of "Memoirs," we can scarcely say sufficient; happily they are so obliging as to speak for themselves at full length. Many of them take a high position in our annals; and, with all courtesy and gallantry, we kiss the fair hands, and subscribe ourselves the devoted admirers of Madame de Genlis, and the Duchess d'Abrantes, and Lady Morgan.

There are now so many travellers by land and water, air and steam, that it is next to impossible to keep up with them. We have a fifty horse power engine daily at work, which keeps a-going ten thousand pens (after the manner of Mr Babbage's calculating machine), and yet we seem to be as far off the end as ever. As we meet with many heavy writers, we purpose selling this part of our history by weight.

To suit the prevailing taste, we not only give the birth, parentage, and education, of every monkey who has seen the world," but an epitome of their travels; all will allow this is a tedious composition. As we generally find a tour is composed first of a little sea-sickness, then a bill of fare of the dinner which was afterwards discussed, the kind informant forthwith notes down every place at which he ate, drank, or slept, and oft-times what sort of weather he enjoyed during a week here, or a day there; occasionally the whole is enlivened by the description of a sunset, or the shadows on the mountains; sometimes a fog envelopes the unwary wanderer, and he is lost,

We as

and so are we. All this interspersed with remembrances of home or friends, which, being of much importance to the writer, is supposed to be of equal value to others. sure our readers it is no small difficulty to concentrate the essence of such publications, and we are perpepetually reminded, in the course of our labours, of Tom Moor's cousin, our dear but too modest friend, Mr Fudge, who, having a supply of pens, ink,

and paper, found he had all the requisites for making a book save "the ideas." In early days, Marco Polo stood alone as a traveller; no one at that time thinking of setting out purely for the sake of sight-seeing. Now, ship-loads and coach loads are always on the move. The heat of the tropics, or the cold of the poles, is of no importance to a locomotive individual. Some years since, our lively relative, Baron Munchausen, gave to Europe a pleasant narrative of his travels, which is now looked upon as a standard work, and his style and manner have become a model for others. Mr Waterton may be considered as the nearest approach to his witty details and veracious adventures; but it is invidious to name any, where there are so many equal candidates for fame. Yet he must wear the meed who deserves it best, and we there fore inscribe, with pleasure, these bulky tomes to our most faithful servant and ally, the Prince Puckler Muskau.

Considerable progress is made in the history of distinguished lawyers, this honoured body having, from time immemorial, been the devoted kindred and allies of our house. This part of our labours is under the immediate patronage of Lord Brougham.

Of the medical profession, we can boast of numbers," neither few nor small." All quack doctors are our own, beyond any gainsaying.

The volumes which describe the merits of a large class of practitioners, we beg to lay at the feet of those gentlemen in France who first brought the subject of animal magnetism into fashion, and pray them to share the honour with those M.D.'s in London who have lately taken so much pains to substantiate the truth of experiments played off in the hospital by the Mademoiselle Humbugs.

The science of homopathy we regard with unbounded respect.

The politics of modern Europe will alone fill a hundred folios, and will contain important imformation, collected from facts and documents in our possession. We are proud to say there is rarely a statesman to be met with who is not descended from our great parent, and brought up in our schools. In England, we are occasionally turned out of office. Lord Chatham and Mr Pitt would hold no

66

communication with us, and used the family very ill; therefore, in the time of the former, the United States were lost, and, by the latter, a large national debt was accumulated. In our poor view of the case, had Pitt been one of us," he would have coalesced with Buonaparte, and, by playing their game of war together, they might have ended it by dividing the world between the two nations. But this is a bygone and lost chance, upon which it is fruitless to speculate. We turn from it to what we consider a dawn of hope for ourselves, and beg to fraternize with the select-learned-refinedsensible patriotic "gentlemen" called RADICALS. This party have such enlarged views of government, drawn from the best days of the French Revolution, that, if we mistake not, these, our dear brethren, purpose, by and bye, to have "the people" sove. reign, and, by their means, rule over the King (or Queen, as may happen), Lords, and monied interest, at their pleasure, and we humbly trust to their profit. We have, in previous volumes, given a lengthy statement of the happiness which the French enjoyed for upwards of forty years by trying a similar experiment as to universal suffrage, equal rights, &c., which began by the guilotine, and ended in a conscription, by way of clearing off a redundant population. We recommend the good folks to commence the scheme without delay. The demonstrations" of the Radicals are very interesting to the juvenile members of the community, causing holidays from work or school, besides the privilege of shouting and bawling ad libitum. (In the most delicate way imaginable, we would advise that the cap of liberty should not be carried in these popular processions, as it is generally believed to be a fool's cap, intended for the especial use of the chairman on the occasion). We attend all these meetings, for the gratification of seeing so many Humbugs on the hustings humbugging the victims around them. We cannot here give the praise we would to Feargus O'Connor, Rev. Mr Stephens, Mr Roebuck, Mr Fielden, Sir William Molesworth, and other valuable members of our order (each and all of them equal in eloquence, and purity of expression, to Cicero); but we trust they will sometime meet the public justice they de

serve, and "leave their country for their country's good." Last, though not least, in this galaxy of talent and patriotism, we pronounce to be the greatest most thorough-going Humbug of the whole-Daniel O'Connell, Esq., M.P.

Alas! it is vain for us to even pretend to allude to the different ranks and conditions of our kindred in every part of the globe. We hasten to a close; and merely notice our intention of giving a compendious history of free-masonry, from the time of Adam to the last festival of the order—also elaborate disquisitions upon the South Sea Bubble-Law's French Scheme valuable information upon foreign loans and joint-stock companies-the Cock-lane Ghost-and the Quack Bottle conjuror.

Volume 666-" The number of the Beast"-in the courtly and elegant language of a celebrated divine (not the judicious Hooker)—this mysterious symbol is at length pronounced to be "a pig with its face unwashed." It is strange this subject should have been in doubt so long; as, now the fact is announced, we perceive much collateral evidence to prove its truth, and it at once accounts for the circumstance, that, in every emergency, the Papal see contrives, if possible, to 66 save its bacon." By a closer inspection of Dens, there may probably be discovered much respecting the purity and habits of the animal. Until now, we could never understand the ancient romaunt of "The Ladye and Swine," which, we believe, is an old "mysterie."" Hear the Church," as she sings

"And thou shalt have a silver shrine, Honey, if thou'lt be love of mine; Hunk, quoth he!"

From the sweet word in the second line of the distich, we are led to imagine the "relique" is one of Irish

composition, and may serve to show that the national custom of keeping a pig in each pisant's dwelling is a purely religious observance.

The whole history will be adorned with the finest engravings, chiefly from pictures painted expressly for this work.

Splendid likenesses of Semiramis, Cleopatra, Christina of Sweden; numerous portraits of emperors and kings; also of all the popes, omitting only such as can be proved to be either Pius or Innocent.

There will be many beautifully grouped pairs of individuals, who, though divided in life, are joined in our pages-such as Talleyrand and the Vicar of Bray-the Grand Lama of Thibet and Johanna SouthcoteTom Paine and Rousseau-St Dunstan and Ignatius Loyala-also Voltaire receiving the Holy Communion -Prince Leopold abjuring the Protestant Faith-a praying windmill— a walking dervish-Catherine viewing Potemkin's cities in the distance, &c. &c.

The whole to conclude with the finely emblazoned coat-of-arms of the House of Humbug, with an account of the achievements for which every device was granted.

The shield is painted invisible green, studded with gold and silver coins-a belt of twisted snakes-a masked battery — a dove with the tongue of an asp-a monk's hood—a net a snare-a gudgeon a shark.

The supporters are a laughing hyæna and a wolf in sheep's clothing.

The crest, a fox holding a firebrand, and a friar's cowl on its head. Suspended from the shield is a crocodile with a pocket handkerchief in its claws.

The family motto is

Ilka ane for himsel, and the deil for a'.

ST MARTIN'S is striking ten; and, while the last stroke yet vibrates through Trafalgar Square, the crack equipage that is to carry us off winds round Adelaide Street and pulls up. In an instant the attendant porter jerks up the carpet-bags to the guard, who stands in front of the boot (the lion's mouth for all light baggage), precipitating these, and half of himself, down its cn esophagus. "Now, gentlemen, if you please," already sounds painfully in your ear; yes! the moment for the last good-bye, the last wring of the hand, and the first wring of the heart, is come; the moment when stifled emotion has hard work of it, when a sigh will find a voice, and the unmanly tear an exit; when friendship is expected to be heroism, and love to compress itself into self-denying calmness! Oh! Paley, is it so happy a world" after all?" The friend that would come with us is gone, or lies perdu within the gateway, or is reading with unusual interest the names of the proprietors on the coach panel, or- "sit hard, gentlemen, all right," would we could say, "amen!"-but the coach is already half down Parliament Street, and the curious have set their watches (a very ancient absurdity, with which no true Cockney is ever known to dispense) by the Horse Guards; presently the summit of Westminster Bridge affords its unequalled view up and down the river, and then down we go at the rate of twelve miles an hour to the Marsh Gate. Good bye, Astley's (dearer to our youthful recollection than can ever be the theatre of Herodes Atticus); and heaven protect you, Mr Van Amburgh, in your den of lions!-may we not, after your remarkable conquest of ferocious natures, have to read of a melancholy inquest, some month or two hence, on all that the tiger has left! Wide swings the open toll-bar; coachee bows protectively to the man of tickets and white apron; awe-struck cart-folk, as they approach the gate, take special care to keep clear of the attraction of the Dover Magnet!" Now, then, for Bethlehem Hospital and its unreclaimed territory of stagnant puddle, withered herbage, dust heaps, and

half sunk brick-bats, recalling its former site in Moorfields, and affording a neutral ground for cat-killing and carpet-beating; and next the lamp-post which we call obelisk; and then, dashing on amidst Greenwich, Blackheath, and Deptford coaches, and gigs, and "busses," and rattling taxcarts, and hotley boys in blue frocks, bearing huge baskets, and carried away at speed on large lean horses, and sundry urchins nearly rode over, and catching the lash for their encouragement, that well-known hostelry, the Elephant and Castle, the last place of open penknives and the morning paper, compels us to pull up. "Any body for Dover ?"-four minutes more and the Bricklayers' Arms, "that last goal of short stages and divaricating roads-that Ultima Thule" of coach stands, is also left behind. And now the coachman slackens his speed, and the team treading the ground with a more uniform rhythm, as if conscious of impe'diments surmounted, gives time for more discriminative valedictions to well-known objects on the road. Ye paragons and crescents, rejoicing in unambitious patronymics-ye Arabella Rows and Cleveland Terraces, farewell!

Ye "seminaries" sown by the wayside-commercial, or classical, or both, or neither, and for whatever sex provided-if you only flourish like your sign-boards, into what a palmy state will you have grown, ere we return to place little girls and boys yet unborn under your fostering care! Statuaries (so I read your title)-carpenters in stone-lithographists of epitaphs to suit everybody-whose yards are full of the most engaging ready-made churchyard furniture, sprawling sculpture, and rhymes of which the efficacy is undeniable-in sixteen seconds the screech of your stone saw will be all your own! As for the proprietor of that one solitary gem, that green-glass globe over his hall door, which illuminates the else dark Row, like a single glow-worm in a hedge-(him of the threefold epithet)-I suppose to wish him many labours with few pains will be the most appropriate of vows. Et vos valete, prohibitors of suburban riot, black-belted, grey-coated,