each infallible, each anathematizing the other with wondrous power of cursing. Now, the people who are for common sense, and all such wearisome stuff, wish to know, "if both were incapable of doing or being wrong, how it could possibly happen two similarly inspired, gifted personages, should always disagree, and always embrace opposite factions?" The faith of the Papist must see no difficulty, and settles it (we forget how, as we never could discover the mystery) according to its prompt and decisive manner; and, if there should be the power of the "secular arm" on its side, they will put "the question" to you, and cavillers will find themselves racked through and through, till they are satisfied to give themselves no further trouble upon things which are beyond the comprehension of God or man.

Notwithstanding the grievous schism caused by the Lutheran party, much of the real leaven of the spirit of Popery has been disseminated by a singularly acute body of men known as Jesuits. Loyala, the founder of the order, was a master-mind; and the brotherhood have not disgraced the institution. Holy Ignatius! thou wert prompted by St Nicholas himself in the concoction of thy noble project. The doctrine of mental reservation is one worthy of the "old gentleman" in person, and has met with all the encouragement so useful a discovery merited from its own fostering church, and our honourable family. When we see the influence of Le Tellier producing the revocation of the edict of Nantz, we are lost in admiration at the depth of the Jesuit, who, to advance the interests of his brethren (and therefore doubly ours), could give thousands of his fellow-creatures to sword and banishment. We pronounce it a noble sacrifice of love of country to party spleen.

As England will detain us rather long, we shall place our grievances there, as much as possible, in one mass, and must retrograde as to time in our narration.

During a period of profound repose to the souls of all Europe, when they who had the upper hand kept their place by the iron mace, and allowed no one to think but themselves, a king, named Alfred, ruled over that paltry spot called Albion. The people there

were always turbulent; and whoever reigned in that island, had to subdue, in the best way they could, the factious men, who were ever talking of their rights and privileges, and such nonsense; but this Alfred the Great instituted a strange thing—a trial by jury! where each criminal or accused person is brought before twelve of his own grade in society, and cannot be condemned nor punished until they are satisfied by evidence of his guilt. Now, this was undermining kingly power and feudal rights with a vengeance: and after a time in that country, a monarch could neither behead nor imprison a disgraced favourite, nor a lordly baron get rid of a neighbouring landholder, without being called to severe account for his conduct; until at length, in that contemptible kingdom, there is as much ado made about hanging a man, or shooting an inconvenient friend, as would have sufficed, in "good old times," to raise an insurrection. Thanks to the intricacy and number of the laws, many of our dear family contrive to raise themselves to wealth and greatness, otherwise this branch of our house must have been completely humbled by the straightforward proceedings of juries and evidence.

We believe that in every nation there are members of our mighty race, yet, like the Jews, we prosper in some more than others--perhaps England has fewer of the legitimate line of Humbug than any other civilized country: but we never despair; and since Stoneyhurst and several Jesuit colleges are flourishing, and a via media has been discovered, which may lead, by a safe and speedy route, to Rome, we expect by and bye the family may rise, even in this commonsense community, to hold the sway it has obtained elsewhere. Not that Britain does not afford some celebrated names to our genealogical table. St Dunstan was a host in himself!— but we cannot mention a truer heart than Thomas-a-Becket. We worship in spirit at his shrine, and view with ecstasy the otherwise dauntless Henry crouching before the lordly priest. Sad was the day which saw the prelate fall a martyr to the interests of that pure church, and our noble house, of which he will ever shine a resplendent ornament. As worthy of a place next such a saint comes Wolsey. His

character is doubly interesting as statesman and cardinal, all his care in the first department merging in the last; for he who wears a red hat may perchance unbeaver himself into a triple crown. How happy was England in having as her prime minister one whose heart was always fixed on raising himself by any means from being a subject of the amiable Harry, to setting himself first in the chair of St Peter, and then his foot on the necks of kings. By all the transactions which are recorded of the history of Europe at that precise period, we can pronounce with pride, and with no fear of denial, that Charles V., Francis I., the two or three popes, Henry VIII., and every other crowned head, were each scions of the regal house of Humbug. If you doubt our poor pen, read over every chronicle of the time, and then parse our name through every mood and tense. As a fit successor to the mild virtues of Henry VIII., came his daughter, vulgarly called "bloody Mary." Mr Waterton, in his late meet " Autobiography," designates her "the good.' It is the first time we ever had the pleasure of seeing that adjective applied to her, save in connexion with other words, which together composed the very uncivil epithet of "good-for-nothing." But new readings of history are coming into fashion, under the patronage of the Humbugs. The ingenious Earl of Oxford restored to Richard, surnamed "Crookback," a fine shape and mien. Dr Lingard has favoured the public with so many "historic doubts" and embellishments in his History of England, that he has made it a new study. A writer in the French language has lately gratified the modesty of La belle France, by proving the battle of Toulouse was gained by Soult. We are in daily expectation of meeting with a similar statement as to Waterloo and Wellington. In speaking of the revered Mary, we must not be so unjust as to pass over in silence her affectionate husband Philip, who can never be mentioned without feelings of deepest respect for his fine and tender disposition. Had his consort lived, they probably might have done the English the favour to introduce into the land the inquisition, which had been previously established by the priestly power of our family in Spain, Portu

gal, &c., with so much real benefit to the inhabitants. We breathe in silent awe when we look back upon the palmy days of an institution, so well calculated to repress the cant known by the name of "free enquiry" and "private judgment." No such things were ever permitted where the power of the holy office was paramount; and how happily did our family flourish by the care of our familiar friends! Did time or space allow, we could tell of gifts laid on the shrines of smiling Madonnas-of offerings to the broken head of St Iago-of visions by nuns of our sacred kindred, which brought much gain to her convent. Had it not been for the art of our skilful party, would there ever have been an Escurial, an Alhambra, and other sacred fanes, where the most pious frauds were carried on upon our most approved principles? Oh, for that celestial quill which reposes in plumed sanctity in the quiet crypt of a convent in the Peninsula! Had we that feather, which dropped from the wing of the angel Gabriel (when and where the legends state not, for they do "not love to be precise"), how would we expatiate upon the treasures of the Romish Church! how would we tell of the legs and wings, the noses and eyes of saints-often miraculously multiplied for the good of the faithful! Oh, the silver images, bedecked with jewels and French fashions! Oh, the plate and cloth of gold! Oh, the revenues, the houses, and the land we possess ! Oh, the merits of the saints, which can be turned into ready cash! and by the mass-there is no end of their power. all, is the reward of the talents and industry of our wonderful family. Without our aid, the Latin and Greek Churches would have been as poor, and therefore as humble, as the Scotch and Moravian-both of which are beneath our notice, as we value only wealth, power, and grandeur. These interesting topics are perpetually alluring us from the main course of our details, and we again return to England.

All,

Much has been said of Oliver Cromwell, but no one can fathom him, and to this day he is not distinctly made out. Yet it is believed he was "one of us ;" but as he was "Protector" of the realm, and a great man for the time being, we place his name on the roll of our pedigree.

We hold in high regard his merry successor, Charles II., who did himself and his country the honour to receive a yearly pension from Louis XIV., and who, when dying, professed the Popery he had not dared to own when living; probably he had travelled abroad more than enough, and did not wish again to leave his kingdom and crown. Be that as it may, his conduct was very imposing, and the recollection of himself, the beauties of his court, and the long-eared spaniels, are embalmed in our memories as all worthy of each other. Since that pleasant time, none of our family have sat on the British throne-alas, for the sad fact!

If there be one person in these modern times whom we have reason to abhor even more than Luther, it is Francis Lord Bacon. Before he wrote, every man published theories and vagaries according to his own taste or fancy, and his opinion was as good as another's, when neither could prove their positions; everybody wrote and said what they chose without gain saying-which was a very agreeable plan. But since Bacon presumed to send forth his Novum Organum, the English expect from all who advance new opinions, or exhibit novel doctrines, the truth of their statements to be deduced from facts. Now, these are "stubborn things," and cannot always be had. Indeed, there may be no evidence whatever for a plausible conjecture, or a vivid imagination; and yet these obstinate people disbelieve all who cannot show each point to be true-little considering that such has never been the practice of our old family, and they cannot now begin to learn. We do not profess to prove any thing; we prefer the established custom of saying what is likely to promote our advancement, and leaving it to work its subtle way. The Baconian method is abominable, and must not be tolerated. Unless some stop be put to "induction, examination, and proof," the Humbugs may consider themselves as overthrown, root and branch. Yet, happily, this will take time to effect; and so long as human nature is human nature, and so long as money, power, and fame can be acquired by the devices we have adopted, we shall not quite despair; but, in the meanwhile, would

In France we have an immense circle of kindred. Our family have flourished in that kingdom, in every department, since the reign of Louis XI., with undisputed sway; but in this Prospectus we cannot even allude to the very greatest amongst them, they are so numerous, and cannot even give their names, much less their merits. We therefore, with the utmost reluctance, pass over a century or two, and stop at the splendid epoch of Louis the XIV., to admire for a moment the monarch who does our system so much credit. Would that we might descant at length upon the men of his camp, the women of his court-our star was then in the ascendant! And whilst we glance at the gorgeous scene, we sigh to think such a king, such beauties, such wits should ever die! How charming is the example they have left us of living for years in a round of dissipation, and then taking a week's prayers in a convent, by way of settling old sin accounts, and at once recommencing with ardour their former pursuits! We like that receipt for clearing the conscience from remorse for crime, or levity of conduct, and would recommend the pious practice be resumed. Peace to the ashes of the lovely Montespan, and the dissimulating Maintenon! The letters of the latter are edifying specimens of what Johnson called the "vanity of human wishes."

In this brief notice of the general plan of our labours, necessity compels us to leap over large divisions of time, and, leaving the intermediate reigns, we must rest awhile upon the French Revolution. This was a very different affair to that which the English are pleased to call their "glorious Revolution," not only in the mode by which it was carried on, but also in its results. As our power was much diminished by that change of men and measures, we leave the British people in their own fancied felicity, with much scorn and contempt for their conduct towards us. Not such is our feeling as to the French Revolution. How many Humbugs arose to wealth, power, and fame at that interesting period, which was cleverly brought about by the talented pens of Voltaire, Rousseau, and others at the head of our literary institutions; and, in con

sequence, their memories are held in high esteem by all who value the truths they unfolded, as being the moving cause of the convulsions which deInged Europe with war and bloodshed for forty years.

These savans were so honourable in their public characters, so virtuous in their domestic circles, so free from vanity and envy, so fully imbued with the spirit of infidelity, that they must ever keep their place in the best affections of those who, like ourselves, understand our own interests, without much regard to that of others.

Thus, we look upon their most illustrious disciple, the late Emperor Napoleon, as one who pursued their plans, practised their morality, and understood their principles so thoroughly, as to have, by his steady adherence to their doctrines, reached the highest step on the pinnacle of fame. None in these days can be compared to the man who, by the force of his genius, aided by some millions of French soldiers, and perhaps other adventitious circumstances, raised upon the shattered empire of France his throne of immortal glory. "Peace to the soul of the hero!" for he was scarcely inferior to the founder and head of the mighty house of Humbug. Our pen lingers whilst we remember the proclamations of this second Attila, his style of writing being sublime as well as beautiful. What could be more imposing than the phrases, "My destiny," "The Sun of Austerlitz," "Charlemagne," "The Great Nation," "France," "Those Leopards," and every other term by which he flattered himself, and the willing subjects of his power? We have ever admired the benign care he was pleased to take of the King and Queen of Spain, as a lovely illustration of the principles by which his government was distinguished, and as also showing in their true light the kind feelings of his heart towards those old regalities, and their sapient son, Ferdinand, by keeping them out of harm's way during the terrible war which devastated the Peninsula for years, owing to English interference with his affairs. All unprejudiced minds will allow it was quite right for Buonaparte to wish the subjection of Britain. So long as that nation was intermeddling with the Emperor's plan of aggrandisement, there was no repose for the

consolidation of his schemes, and, whilst with their gold they were assisting all his foes, or fighting on sea and land against him, it was merely lawful self-defence in him to war against them in every practicable manner. The Turks have a saying, that such and such a person is a "misfortune,"-in sad truth, Wellington may be designated by that very term-he had low ideas of the superiority of our family, and cared nothing for our mighty chief-he therefore went on in his own stupid way, helped by the riches of England, and the dogged courage of his troops, until he most unceremoniously, and, we must add, uncourteously, dispossessed Napoleon of the Peninsula, and ungenerously despoiled many marshals and generals of laurels, which have never bloomed since. Doubtless, the British public think this very fine, but they have not entered into the feelings of our family, or they would conclude very dif ferently.

Wellington is a man whom every humbug detests; for he goes straightforward-sword in hand-without any deference for finesse or scheming, and therefore we shy him, as one out of the pale of our communion. Just such another was Nelson - perhaps the worst of the two-he did not seem to have any idea of the value of a palaver, or a few fine words, but sailed about the ocean as if it were Brittannia's own property. Here, storming a city which had not the advantage of being situated in the kingdom of Bohemia-there, taking a score of islands at a blow-then, shifting his sails, intercepting a French fleet, and hauling down their colours with as little regard to the naval interests of that state, as if he had been seizing so many fishing-boats. In our view, we consider these proceedings as very ungentlemanly, and we have no sympathy with such a set of men as British sailors. We cannot recall to our excellent memory, from the days of Drake and Frobisher to those of Nelson and Exmouth, including admirals, captains, lieutenants, mids, and crews, one, in the whole number, who can boast or claim the slightest affinity to the illustrious House of Humbug. This, we fondly believe, is the reason why the officers in that service are so slow in rising in their profession, and why, upon the whole, they are ne

glected, notwithstanding the absurd fact, that John Bull always pretends the utmost love for every body and every thing connected with the wooden walls of Old England.

We would state a fact which is generally believed, and which we record as a warning to these our enemies who aspire to follow the example of Nel son, that although he be dead, and his body be interred in St Paul's-yet he rests not in peace ;—it is affirmed, by those who know the case to be beyond a doubt, that his spirit is ever in the midst of the British navy-that it is never at rest neither commander nor subaltern ever forget that pale face and that last signal. We would humbly suggest to the Emperor of Russia and the President of the United States, the propriety of adopting the old and beneficiabmethod of exorcising the English men-of-war; for, whilst they are haunted by such a vision of departed greatness, there is little chance for other nations enjoying more than an idea of maritime power.

We would therefore recommend that his Lordship's soul should be laid in that ancient burial-place, the Red Sea-if it did no other good, it might serve to perplex the Pacha of Egypt; and we know of none who would less complain of a watery grave than Nel

son.

Our trusty and well-beloved brethren, the Yankees, have a very pleasant mode of winning a name for their infant navy. They send out a seventygun ship and call her a frigate; she meets with a little vessel similarly named, with probably but forty guns; as a British flag is flying at her masthead, they attack her most manfully, and by weight of metal and superior numbers of men, the Union Jack is lowered to the Stars and Stripes. Then the whole of the United States sing laud and glory to themselves for their prowess, in having taken such a ship in such a contest. The real case is wisely kept back-it is trumpetted over the whole world that an American frigate has taken an English frigate the immaterial circumstances of difference in size, weight, men, &c., are forgotten in the bulletin, and all who are not in the secret, believe the British power is declining on her own element. How charming is the "sight to sair e'en," to witness a young republic thus early understanding

and cleverly acting up to our principles!

We embrace this opportunity to compliment them upon their superior knowledge in an ART, which apparently they possess by intuition. We believe the first settlers in those colonies (such as Penn, &c.) held none of our views, but their descendants actually outrival the old countries in many departments. Money-making may be considered their chief elegant accomplishment-love of liberty, their professed characteristic_by which must be understood the freedom each citizen may enjoy in his own precious person, whilst at the same time he may keep a hundred black men in the vilest bondage-have a pet farm for raising Niggers, and turn the penny in his own family circle as he best can. The fine example of the late President Jefferson should not be overlooked, when touching upon the virtues of this transatlantic people, as he understood business so well, as to actually sell his OWN coloured children for slaves! How proud a nation must be of such a governor, and how such an amiable nation must laugh at the English, who have paid twenty millions of pounds sterling to redeem a set of blackamoors from slavery, just for the sake of following out some strange notions they hold respecting "brotherly kindness and Christian feeling," and such folly. The United Staters understand the value of money too well, to be lured by such reasons into giving liberty to their helots. Whilst we are writing upon this distinguished country, may we be permitted to congratulate "the powers that be" upon the exact discipline and order in which their provinces are kept, as we gather from official reports, that when a civil war is raging on the Canadian frontier, the neutral ally on the opposite bank of the dividing river, aid the rebels by sending ammunition, stores, and supplies of riff-raff, and, when reproached by the British Government, give, as an apology for their breach of faith, the creditable fact, "that they cannot repress the inhabitants," "the authority of Congress is not regarded," and so forth; all of which we believe to be true, and affords a fine proof of the light weight of the executive amongst such a very free people. The treaties of the Yankees with the Indians may serve as models for other