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was enlisted, to his Majesty's health. hat one after the other. I could see One of the ladies in black eyes pinned him refer continually to a scrap of a flash cockade to the young gentle. dirty paper before him, which was man's hat, and replaced it sideways covered with blots and scratches of the on his head--pipes were taken out of pen, to me altogether unintelligible, mouths, and pots and glasses raised, but which seemed to serve the haggard in eager expectation of the coming man as the storehouse of his ideas, toast-the shilling went slap into the upon whatever topic he was at that young man's palm, with a sound like a moment scribbling with such railroad musket-shot.The King !'' exclaim. rapidity. The noise, tumult, oaths, ed Sergeant Kite, enthusiastically- dancing, piano-playing, and black“ hurra, hurra, hurra!" responded the guardism going on, appeared to give whole room—the lady of the Othello this gentleman no manner of uneasi. visage started from her snooze, and ness: he scribbled and scribbled away, the watchman essayed in vain to without so much as looking about spriug his dissected rattle--the wine him, his sole relaxation being the frewas gulped, the shilling pocketed, and quent entombment of his face in the the usher from that moment convert- recesses of the pot before him, and a ed into a hero!
silent gesture to the dirty pot-boy, to
intimate his desire of having the empty “ How happy the soldier who lives on his
pot refilled. And spends half-a-crown out of sixpence a
After vain attempts to induce the haggard man to leave off his penman.
ship, for the purpose of drinking to said, or rather sung, a tallow-faced his Majesty's health, the crimp (for man as he entered the room, advanc- such was the tallow.faced man) honing to a table where a haggard look oured me with a similar invitation, the ing man was scribbling away in a which, being ready to drop down dead black leather note-book, and invited the
with thirst, I readily accepted. haggard gentleman to drink of his " Perhaps," said the crimp, “ you (the tallow-faced man's) pot of beer to might be inclined to serve his Majesty his Majesty's health.
as well as drink to him?" The haggard man was below the “ Perhaps I might,” said I, “if the middle size, and apparently about bounty be good." forty-five years of age—he might be “ You're a likely young chap," reno more than thirty, for his face was marked the crimp, approvingly. one of those faces where toil has anti. « My mother always thought so," cipated time-his mouth and chin were replied I. enveloped in a shabby cotton shawl is You're the full standard height: his dress was poor and slovenly ; but enquired the tallow.faced man. his forehead was large and intellectual; « More than that by four inches," thia flakes of hair negligently strayed I replied. over it, and looking as if they had "Take another pull," said the crimp, been parched by the continual work. handing me the half-empty pot. ing of the brain beneath. I saw at a « Here's luck, then," said I, “ and glance that he was a man habitually more of the best of it." engaged in mental labour of some To make a long story short, I was sort, and looked at him with reverence; put under the standard, and discovered for knowing that in London literary to be tall enough for any thing in the persons were abjectly poor, and, of army - the Household Brigade only course, held by every body, from the excepted ; so that, if I did not get a baron to the bag.man, in great and good regiment, it was not for want of deserved contempt, I concluded he plenty of them among which to pick might be an author.
and choose. My ribs, and calves, and In his left hand he grasped a small arms, were fingered all over; my shoes portable ink-bottle, a quiver of arrows were pulled off, to see if I had bunions in the shape of pens lay before him, a or corns to interfere with a march ; pot of beer at his elbow, and a pen in and my stockings were pulled down to his fingers, with which he rattled over see if I had varicose veins in my legs, the paper with the rapidity of light or scars on my shins. My head was ning, tearing out the leaves as he com. carefully looked over for the marks of pleted each, and singing them into his blows or cuts, and I was desired by
Sergeant Kite to cough several times, land and sea, to be subject to the mu. in order to ascertain whether I might tiny act and the articles of war, and not be in the condition of “ bellows to to behave in all things as becomes” — mend." I was put by the tallow-faced “ Yes," said I, “ as I said before, I man into all sorts of attitudes, for the was a gentleman-a gentleman of the purpose of ascertaining the state of press.” iny muscular conformation; and, after The haggard man started up. I some demurring to the roundness of my looked at him, and observed sticking shoulders, and my being cursed small in one eye a half.crown piece, while over the hips (which I always consi- he transmitted to me a volley of most dered rather a beauty than a blemish significant winks with the other. I in a man), it was determined that I thought I saw meaning in his wink, should be enlisted, subject to the ap- and my martial ardour dropped down probation of the doctor, and be per- to zero in a moment. initted to stand to be shot at in battles « Cut it short, sergeant," said I, wherein I had no earthly concern, for withdrawing my hand, and stuffing it my allowances, prize-money, and six. into my breeches pocket for greater pence a-day. I was put under the security-" Cut it short-I shan't standard, the glass of wine was brought, enlist this turn." the ladies and gentlemen gathered Sergeant Kite, the tallow.faced round as before-a lady in a black crimp, and the heroic usher, fell back eye was preparing my cockade-Ser- two paces, each in speechless astogeant Kite stood like an auctioneer nishment at this unlooked for anready to knock me down to his Ma. nouncement. jesty for a shilling the heroic usher, “ You're too late, my buck," said by this time nine parts drunk, stand. the crimp_" you can't back out now." ing by to welcome a new companion “You're enlisted already, by ,' in arms.
said the sergeant. "'Tis no use starving," I exclaim. “ You're enlisted, by_hiccup". ed in a loud voice, as I held out my echoed the heroic usher. hand, looking round the room wist “Excuse me, gentlemen," said I; fully, as if to make my own use of my “but I haven't taken the shilling." optics for the last time-"'Tis no use Sergeant Kite threw the shilling starving."
dexterously at my bosom, in the hope “ Not a bit of it-hiccup-I don't it might stick ; but I was too quick like that school-hiccup- the army for him, and the coin fell on the floor. for ever-biccup-and confusion “ You drank his Majesty's beer," hiccup-to select-- hiccup - semina. said the crimp, black in the face with ries," hiccuped the heroic instructor of fury. young gentlemen.
or You have his Majesty's wine in “ You consent to serve his Majesty, your cowardly fist," said Sergeant take notice," said Kite, commencing Kite. his professional barangue, “ for an un. “You drank my-hiccup"-echoed limited period in"
the heroic usher. “I was a gentleman once," said I, “ His Majesty," said I, “is too with true Hibernian assumption of much of a gentlemen to grudge a loyal gentility-a thing, by the way, com- subject a drop of his beer, or wine pounded of beggarly poverty and either; so here's health and happiness to more beggarly pride—“ I was a gen. him, and confusion to all his enemies." tleman once."
Sergeant Kite stumped and roared "So you are now," said the tallow. with rage; the tallow-faced crimp's faced man; “ every soldier is a gen face was like to burst; and the heroic tleman."
usher staggered speechlessly about the " You are a gentle_hiccup-man room. ---give me your-hiccup—I'm glad to The haggard man, I observed, had ---biccup-your acquaintance," said put up all his traps, fitted his hat the heroic usher, proffering his hand tightly on his head, and turned up the and pot.
cuffs of his coat rather ominously-I " Yes," I repeated, “ I was a gen. presume he saw how matters would lleman."
end. “ Don't interrupt,” observed Ser. “ You're enlisted, I tell you," said geant Kite " in peace and war, by Kite," and blast me if you stirl"
" You don't mean to say you'll keep half withdrawn his sabre from its me here against my will ?" I enquired. sheath, a blow under the hilt of the
" I mean to say you're a soldier, ear, which sent that functionary whirl. and under my command--so halt!” ing round on his axis, and finally in
"Ay, halt ! you cowardly, white- volved him and the heroic usher in one livered, rascally sponge," said the crimp, tremendous fall; whereupon we leaped setting his teeth at me in a position so over the prostrate pair, and laying favourable for being sent down his about us hot and heavy, cleared our throat, that I could not help, though passage to the street door, when the I had died for it the next moment, haggard man, taking the lead, wound drawing my left fist-rather an ugly and doubled in and out of the lanes customer and planting a smashing and alleys at the rise of Tothill Street, facer immediately on his expanded emerged into the Broad Sanctuary, mug, which improved the crimp's phy. ran like fury through St Margaret's siognomy by the instantaneous addi. Churchyard, skirted Westminster tion of a hare-lip, and sent all his in Hall, over the bridge, and never drew cisors and canines smack down his bridle-breath I should say-until, throat “ on particular service." opening by means of a latch key the
“ Bolt for your life," said the hag- door of a small house in an obscure gard man, starting to his feet—"run, part of the neighbourhood of the Wa. or you're a dead man-fly for your terloo Road, my preserver began to life, sir"-repeated the haggard man, clamber up the stairs in the dark, clearing his way towards the door, and dragging me after! bestowing on Sergeant Kite, who had
FASCICULUS THE TWELFTH.
"Ah! q'une belle demoiselle c'est une etrange affalre."--MOLIERE. I came, through the instrumentality value twopence! You see the same of the haggard man, who was a native man, two hours after, going out of one of Cork, by name Teague O'Desmond river-side public house into another, O'Swizzle, to be employed in very re. in search of “ Lives lost on the river;" spectable business as a suck mug. A when, if he be lucky enough to hear suck-mug, I would respectfully give that three young men, named Sprigyour ladyship to understand, is a galley- gins, Huggins, and Jiggins, residing slave chained to a newspaper press, and in Long Lane, Bermondsey, were working himself to an oil for whatever drowned that evening, returning from he can possibly get-which amounts to Blackwall, he rubs his hands with as little as his employers choose to give delight, runs off to the newspaper him, that being the usual remuneration office, puts in the deaths of Spriggins, of literary persons, of whatever de- Huggins, and Jiggins, and returns joy. scription. If you happen to be crossing ously to his family-who live in a garHyde Park, or any other park or place, ret over Westminster Bridge-with as and get knocked down by a shabby much as will buy a polony a-piece, genteel pallid-faced man, who is run. and a pot of beer for supper! In the ning for his bare life, with a bundle of morning he is off by daylight, to see quill pens (steel does not write fast whether the bodies of Spriggins, Hug. enough) sticking out of one pocket, gins, and Jiggins have been found ; and a quire of foolscap out of the other, if so, he gets his breakfast by that ; that man is a suck-mug. He has been and the report of the coroner's inquest, attending a coroner's inquest at Bays. the day after, brings him in food for water, and is now running to attend that day. He drinks at all times, and another at the Pig and Whistle, near in all places, like a fish orcoal-whipper; Vauxhall. If you are in Whitechapel and if you put him into a hogshead of in the evening, you see the same man double X, he sucks it all up, at every retnrning from the East India Docks, pore of his skin. He is an Irishman, whither he went to enquire about an this hodman of literature; and came extensive robbery of gold dust, and to over here twenty years ago with a write a long paragraph about it, which view to the Woolsack, but dare not his employers cut down to four lines, show his nose in the Temple, where
he entered his name as a law student, came a gentleman of gentility; and, on account of a long arrear of unpaid after the usual preliminary enquiry, fees. His heart and spirit have been was ushered into a little front parlour, broken long ago-the hopes upon where one of the young ladies Skinawhich he fed for years have died with. flint was performing a fantasia of in him, and their epitaphs may be read Hertz, with interminable variations, legibly on his brow! Such, madam, the other young lady Skinaflint hold. is a penny-a-liner-an inferior gentle. ing the leaf of the music-book, ready man of the press a member of the for a quick turn over at “ volti subi. “ fourth estate" - a newspaper drudge to." -in short, a suck-mug!
The interminable variations were I was ever ambitious of moving in stopped in full cry, by the entrance of genteel society ; like the menagerie. the lady of the boarding-house herself, man's favourite bear, I could never be who, motioning the musical young brought to dance to any but the very ladies out of the room with one hand, genteelest of tunes, such as “ Water motioned me to a chair with the other; Parted," or the “ Minuet in Ariadne!" and giving her soiled net cap with It is not wonderful, therefore, that, faded blue ribbons a lateral twitch or seeing in the Times newspaper an two, the better to conceal a few locks announcement to the effect that, in a which straggled from beneath her wellgenteel - I do love that word " in a oiled front, Mrs Skinaflint set herself genteel and pianoforte performing fa. down, grinning expectancy, and lookmily_harp and guitar also, if required ing as if she was glad she put the ad. -a widow lady' what a chance for vertisement in the paper. a young Irishman with whiskers of “ Beg pardon, ma'am," I began. best curled hair! " and her two “ By no means, sir-don't say so," daughters"- think of that, a whisker observed Mrs Skinaflint condescend. a piece !-"would be happy to receive ingly. into the circle of their society a pbilo. “ I have taken the liberty of troub. musical gentleman of gentility.-N.B. ling you, madam," I went on, « in If a flute and backgammon player, consequence of an advertisement" will be prefered. Terms according « In the Times of this morning," to room. Apply to Raggins, tripe- interrupted Mrs Skinaflint, who, it was scourer, Judd Street, corner of Caro- plain to be seen, could not keep her line Street, New Road." Now, it so tongue within ber teeth for two schappened that I was philo-musical and conds consecutively. a flute player; back-gammon I did not, “Exactly so, madam," said I-"mu. unfortunately, comprehend, but trust. sical, I believe?" ed that difficulty might be got over. “ And select," said Mrs Skinaflint, Being a gentleman of the press, I was with a toss of the head. a fortiori a gentleman; and being « Quite so, of course—your appear. an Irish gentleman, I concluded my- ance, madam, is more than sufficient self-as every Irish gentleman, from to guarantee that I wish I had all Colonel Connolly down to a cow.boy, the brandy in that brass nose of yours" concludes himself - a gentleman of this latter observation was made gentility!
sotto voce. Accordingly, I posted away, in a “Oh! dear, sir,"exclaimed the lady, tremendous flurry, to the domicile of hiding her brass nose in a last week's Raggins the tripe scourer.
pocket handkerchief. That gentleman handed me a card, “I had the pleasure to receive your whereupon was written, evidently by address, madam," continued I, “ from one of the daughters, in an angular Mr Raggins, the"- I would have said style, the address, « Mrs Skinaflint, tripe-scourer ; but the tripe stuck in Terrace Place, Bloody Bridge, Pen. my throat. Mrs Skinaflint, however, tonville ;” and to that classic and gin- relieved me in a moment. drinking locality, I directed my impa. “ Cats'-meat man- our cats'-meat tient footsteps accordingly. After re- man," exclaimed Mrs Skinaflint. connoitring the premises I always « The same, madam, I believe." look at the physiognomy of an intended « Backgammon, madam, I perceive lodging, as well as at that of an in- is a" tended landlady_Igave a thundering “We are all so fond of a bit," said double-knock at the door, such as be the lady.
“I am ashamed to say I hardly because they didn't choose to take fish, know the game."
perhaps because fish didn't agree with “ My daughters will be so happy to them, or, it may be, because there was instruct you."
no fish to take; and this last reason, I bowed low in reply to this liberal to save logic, I request the printer to offer, and thought, though I didn't put first. The skate was not reexactly look it, that that cock wouldn't moved-for skate there was none to fight.
be removed, but the dish was re" Will you look at the rooms?" said moved, and a leg of mutton took its Mrs Skinaflint, promptly reverting to place. As the skate was a little too business.
stale, so was the mutton a great deal “ With pleasure. Do me the fa- too fresh; but there being nothing vour to take my arm."
else, the live mutton was tugged at by “ You are so very kind."
the company-for necessity is the I took the liberty of requesting from mother of mastication ! Mrs Skinaflint the very lowest terms Half-inches of cheese were next for her state bed-room for a perma. served out by Mrs Skipaflint, and exenency, and having screwed her down crable small beer handed round by the pretty tight, as the undertakers say, I servant of all work. The ceremony ascended me up into the attic, where of dinner being thus complete_the I affected marvellously to admire the company-I had almost forgotten the view, and to inhale the smoke-dried company, consisted—we give the sex atmosphere, as if it were champagne the pas-of Miss Negrohead, a lady mousseux. After much fencing off of no colour-black, in short--who had and on as we walked down stairs, Mrs emigrated from Antigua for the edu. Skinaflint and myself came to terms, cation of certain lesser Negroheads as or rather, I brought the lady to terms, black as herself-then came the widow having, before I set foot over the of three husbands, who would not have threshold, made up my mind to give had the least objection to try a fourth, fifteen shillings a-week, and not a sous Mrs Major Tramp— Miss Smuggles, more for a permanency, consisting of the daily occasional governess, a sort one week certain, and a week's notice of intellectual charwoman, who let if the lid didn't fit the box. What herself out by the job, sat next-the need of more words? The very same two Misses Skinaflint, with their exafternoon found me in a cab with my cellent mother, and one fat lady, who establishment, consisting of a tattered could not be identified as either maid, portmanteau, a patched travelling-bag, wife, or widow, made up the musical and a band-box, with my new hat in and select female society of our manit, and my new hat-brush in my new sion in Terrace Place, Bloody Bridge, hat, on the high road to my new fix' Pentonville. The musical part of the in Terrace Place, Bloody Bridge, entertainment was ably sustained by Pentonville.
the two Misses Skinaflint-Mrs Major At six the bell was rung for dinner Tramp, being a decidedly proper by the servant of all work, who, the woman, or what is all the same, keepmoment she had rung the bell, clat- ing her improprieties to herself, taking tered away down stairs to hook out the lead in doing the select. the crimped skate, while Mrs Skina. The masculine gender was repreflint and myself, followed by the rest sented in our domicile by-I proceed of the company, descended into the according to the table of precedencedining-room with as much conse- Prince Snarlbach, a German potenquence as if we had been descending tate, who beguiled the tediousness of to join the Queen's dinner party. The exile, like that stock-jobbing Jew, King crimped skate, of which there was Louis Philippe, in teaching the young about as much as would have served idea how to speak French and German a dyspeptic for luncheon, was distri. with the fluency of a native. Prince buted in mouthfuls on cold plates, with Snarlbach hated every man, every woa table spoonful of a fluid, by courtesy man, every child, every climate, councalled melted butter, and to save skate try, and religion-every thing at table, and trouble, the dish was unskated every thing not at table, and every before it had gone round the table. thing everywhere else; his colloquial Mrs Skinaflint and the two Misses phraseology consisted only of the inSkinaflint not taking fish, probably terjection pooh! and the interjection