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perfect of her sex, dying that her hus. the feminine virtues and graces shine, band might live. Thrice happy, thrice as seen by the side of this defective loved, living dead, and living again. creature! The man-woman couldn't I know of no more delicate compli- go through a day with patience, nor ment than that of our philosopher, Sir without discomfiture and disgrace. Kenelm Digby, who well knew sym- As to nursing his sick children, he pathies. Behind a portrait of Lady would whip them, and forget to put Venetia, his wife, he had written them to bed. No-the sex must bear “ Uxorem vivam amare, voluptas, de all our pains, and we inflict upon
them functam religio.". I do not wonder all the penalties too. They bear all that men of sense have ever (and men -the least we can give them is our of sense are alone worthy of their re- love. Our love, if I speak to a degegard), almost adored the sex. Consider nerate race, let me say your love-our for a moment what wonderful endow. love, that is the love of us who have ments they must necessarily have— been angel-seers, is quite a different what gifts of nature to conduct them- thing. Women do not always know selves as they do. They must have, this, but there really is no other love as the wise Medea says, a sort of worth their having. They do not witchcraft about them- and yet a know it. Many a time have I seen strange witchcraft, for they cannot them turn away from one of us, who divine, she asserts, into whose house would have even died for them if necesand home they shall walk, nor whether sary, and have bound ourselves to do they shall meet with bad or good hus- so in unalterable verse. Yes, I have bands—and yet they must, and they seen them turn from one of us, under do, adapt themselves to all the ways, the fascinations of a pert, prating, whims, and vagaries of their husbands, empty-headed coxcomb, with no more and, oftentimes, of all their husbands' feeling than his buttons-a grinning, relations. They are called upon to act teeth - showing coxcomb, incapable, in a thousand capacities which they utterly, of loving any but himselfnever dreamed of; they have too often who could twist, and turn, and waltz, to unlearn courtship, and to learn hard and look impudent, which the sweet duties. To serve, literally, in every innocents could not perceive nor grade of life, and in every situation understand. And then the the treasury, the nursery, and even comb would turn away, and say to the pantry
another coxcomb, “ Devilish fine girl “ The Queen of Hearts put by those tarts,” that ; I've been making an impression, and the kitchen, for she made them. I conceive, but don't intend to go too They are required to have at ready far, and be trapped—not to be trapped, command real smiles for home, and hey!" Oh, this insufferable state of artificial good-humour for company; things! When the one who would tears are their own, and almost all they have been the real true and good lover, can call their own—their power and suitor, husband, and father, for lack of their privilege. In higher life they grace in these minor accomplishments, must be content with a thousand either dies a bachelor, or, in romantic friends at home, instead of one hus- despair of any better angel, marries band, who is at his club ; in low life, late in life - Mary, the Maid of the with a sorry cinder and lonely fire, and Inn." Let me give this one friendly a sickly infant, for the sot of a husband hint to the dearest sex :-Do let the is at the pot-house. All these capa- scholar, the gentleman, the man of bilities and superhuman powers are
sense, if he be not irreconcilably ugly, expected of women; and, happy as the have a fair hearing. You will find state of wedded life must be in gene- such your best and truest worshipper. ral, or must at times have been, though He will not saunter listlessly up to now deteriorating, who can doubt that you, nor run, nor jump, nor skip up women have had, and have, all these to you, grinning, and roaring his loud duties to perform, and that they do inanities of thought; he will not be perform them with patience, with every voluble in slang to you, for that is the virtue—in one name, with love! Take language in which he has not been the best man the world ever saw, and, a candidate for honours; he will not were it possible, convert him into a wo- send you presents of jewellery for man, and let him retain his own inward which he does not pay, because he charactor, and he would be nothing - is a man of principle; he will not worse than nothing. Then how would deceive you in any way, much less
in flatteries, because Nature moulded elegant and amiable dominion will his lips for truth ; they are, therefore, demand our delicate attentions which rather of a manly shape, which you will grace us like reflected beauty, will quite love when you know their even perhaps the best beauty. The character, than of that versatile and habit of pleasing is ever rewarded by changeable grimace, which, when you the habit of being pleased. Where do understand, you will no more like there is a due deference to the sex, than you do the unnatural evolutions and a romantic caution not to offend, of tumblers—both alike the effects of of how little consequence will be a few early distortions from the original discrepancies of taste and temper. stamp of truth. And, when such a one Things that are not quite pleasant in does utter sweet things to you—how themselves, will be gilded over with sweet-!they will not come from a mouth agreeability. I have seen the happy tainted with cigar. His soft and pure effects of pursuing the deferential breathings will need no fumigation- system. I knew a gentleman much they will have a natural enchantment. given to study and reflection--there You will be spared the incense of to. was a charm to him in silence. But bacco--the odious inrense of a lying he was wedded to one who knew it breath-the insult of tobacco. Were not. He was the most polite listener, I a woman, I had rather be a widow even when what he heard was not to and wear weeds, such as might become his own praise. He neither could nor a widow, than admit a filthy fellow to would see a fault in the wife of his blow his weed into my nostrils. But bosom, and though her incessant speech oh! I am raving like an impatient, ill. was a sad interruption to him for conditioned man, and showing how years, and perhaps deprived the world unfit we are for conversion into women. of valuable inventions, so far from They have patience can endure that complaining of or to her, he rather and a great deal more. Do I forget called himself to task for feeling it an Griselda — patient Griselda! Every annoyance. Now, one of the brutewoman is a “ patient Griselda” who school would have plainly said, “ My has a smoking husband. It must be dear madam, your talk is a great bore,' the poison of that noxious weed that and perhaps used still coarser lanlas pinched in, and deteriorated to guage. Not he. He bore it smilingly such a degree as we see them, the for years, rather than endure the bodies of the young men of the pre- cruelty of making her aware of it ; sent day. Half of them are dwindling and at last, most happily invented an fast into shadows, nipt, cast off, smok- instrument which secured enjoyment ing away their own epitaphs—“Fumus to both. It was made of wire, and et umbra sumus"-we are but smoke passed over the head, reaching on and shadow.
either side to each ear, where the Who shows disrespect to woman- wire was ingeniously turned inwards, kind insults his own mother ; who and formed at the same time a coil, shows disrespect to age, offers his own which was thickly padded, and pressperson for scorn to shoot at, at twenty ed in upon the ears ; they were, paces. For to that age is he progress. in fact, ear-dampers. The wire was ing, and some twenty paces will bring so slight as not to be visible under him to the point. Yet, is such disre- the hair, and so likewise by a little spect too common. It is a mark of arrangement were the dampers thema selfish heart and a mean mind. selves concealed. He told me he had Whence comes it, and to what degra- worn them for years, that he could think dation is it to lead? We never shall and reflect with perfect security, withgo on as we ought to do, until there out interruption, merely occasionally be in our manners and feelings an bowing his head politely as in assent infusion of the spirit of chivalric days. to what in reality he did not hear; Men were then brave and gentle that and his dear talkative wife spoke in could neither write nor read. And raptures of his sweetness of temper, now we read and write ourselves out for he never contradicted her. I have of all that is good. There never can described the instrument that it might be a better time to commence a change. be useful in cases of domestic discord. Have we not a young Queen ? A Oh! M. Gisquet! M. Gisquet ! did more “ Glorious Gloriana.” So even you really kick and cuff your chère in our homes let the empire of woman- amie? Did you really propose to a kind be restored_fully restored, That virtuous woman, with whom you could not boast of any familiarity, to defame attention to the ruin, and loves it a her own character, in order to enable it is, while he feels within him the you, with a double falsehood, to make charm of imagining its former peryour mistress jealous ?' And did you fection. Oh, if women were but more do this affecting sentimentality, for scarce, we should fight for them as the indulgence of which you had in- the greatest, the best riches—but we sulted, and ruined the peace and wel- are thankless, and abuse the prodigalfare of your “amiable wife and fa- ity of nature. There are in England, mily? In England, if it were possible Wales, and Scotland, four hundred that such a letter as M. Gisquet's to and ninety thousand two hundred and Mad. Focaud could be written, the seventy more women than men! So writer would be in a lunatic asylum. that because every man may have at But in France France, once the po- least one, many will perversely have lite, now under the new regime of none—and how many ill-use those they “ Young France"-persons in their have! We shall never, as I before sober senses enact monstrosities against said, go on well till feminine dominion morals and manners; and, what is be restored. There is love and genworse, their sanity is not doubted. tleness even in its most severe enactBrutality, that in the first French Re- ments. The submission it exacts en. volution sent out boat-loads of accom- nobles. I will venture to offer two plished and beautiful women, guilty examples, the one from high, the other only of aristocratic manners, to be from low life. They will show the sunk, has grown to a very refined tenderness and reasonableness of the monster; and has learnt to cover with sex, how fit they are to direct, and a gauzy sentimentality the innate de- how much the happiness of mankind pravities of a base and cowardly heart. is maintained by concessions to them. Happy is the nation that cherishes That of low life will be given in a female influence! Chivalric, heroic, dialogue which actually took place, romantic, are epithets of one great and, that it may not lose an iota of virtue arising from devotion to woman, truth, it shall be given in the proper and faith in her purity and exceeding dialect, and verbatim. The scene is loveliness. The possessor of this vir- in that part of Devonshire which bor. tue will be happy in the thoughts it ders on the county of Somerset. A engenders-he will deeply love one gentleman who had not seen his nurse woman, and will deem all, as partak- for some years, happening to be in ing of her nature, to be endowed with the village where she lived, called on a portion of her goodness ; and for her her, when this conversation ensued :sake will think himself bound to pro- Nurse. « Lor a massy, sir! is it tect all. It pains, it angers me, to you? Well, sure, I be cruel glad to hear people speak as they do con- zee ye! How is mistres- and the temptuously of old maids and old young ladies—and maister?" women. It surely ought to be enough Master. “ All well, nurse, and dethat men virtually reject all, to whom sire to be kindly remembered to you. they might make offers of themselves, You are quite stout, I am glad to see and do not, need not add unnecessary and how is your husband ?" insult. For my own part, I see in Nurso. “ My husband! Ou, mayevery elderly maiden an object of ad- hap, sir, you ha'nt a heared the miration or of sympathy-one who
news?" has been bereaved by death or evil Master. “ The news! No. I hope circumstances of all she loved ; or one he is not dead ?" who in saintly blessedness has devoted Nurse. " Oh no, sir, but he's dark." her life to a gentle and extensive be. Master. “ Dark ? what, blind ! nevolence. If there were not some How did that happen?" few such, richly endowed, to perform Nurse. “ Why, there now, sir, I'll this assigned task, how cheerless would tell ye all about it. One morningbe many a secluded and miserable 'tis so long ago as last apple-picking home and corner of human life, where I was a gitting up, and I waked man will not, perhapscannot enter; Jahn, and told un 'twas time vor he and the married could only do so in- to be upping too. But he was always effectually. As to an aged, or, as she lazy of a morning : zo a muttered is in mockery called, “ an old woman,” some'at and snoozed round agin. I would view her with the eye of an Zo, arter a bit, I spoked to un agin. antiquary, who pays the more devoted Jahn,' says I, 'what be snoozing there vor ?-git up.' • Zo,' says he, doctor's trade, but it didn't do un no • what's the use of gitting up bevore good; and, at last, we was told there 'tis light?' « Oh,' zays I, • tisn't was a vine man at Exeter vor zitch light, is it? Thee'st know what's things—zo we zent un up to he. behind the door. I'll zoon tell thee Well-there—the Exeter doctor zeed whether 'tis light or no, you lazy vel. un, and tookt his box of tools, and ler.' . Then,' zays he, turning his zarched about his eyes a bit; and then head, ' why, 'tis zo dark as pitch. a zent un home with this word, that Now that did pervoke me - I'll tell he couldn't do un no good, and noyour honour the truth-and I begin body else couldn't do un no good, vor ned to wallop un a bit. But_Lor a a'd got a gustavus." Zo he's dark massy-God forgive me! in a minute ever since, your honour, but he's very the blid gushed to my heart—and well to health." gi'd me zitch a turn, that I was vit to I take the next example from the, drap! Vor, instead of putting up his Bibliotheca Topographica Britannica, arms to keep off the stick, as a used and by it will be seen how sadly the to do, there was he, drowing 'em all power of women has been reduced. all abrodd !--and a said · Don't ye- Sir John Spencer was Lord Mayor don't ye—I can't zee! If 'tis light I of London in 1594, commonly called, be dark !' • Oh,' zays I, my dear, from his great wealth, rich Spencer. you ben't, to be zure. • Ees,' says He had by his lady (Alice Bromfield) he, “I be, zure enough.' Well, I one sole daughter and heiress, Elizawas a-gushed—zo I put down the beth, of whom there is a tradition, stick, and looked to his eyes, but I that she was carried off from Canoncouldn't zee nort in 'em. • Zo, zays bury house in a baker's basket, by the I, 'why, there's nort in your eyes, contrivance of William, the second Jahn, you'll be better by'm bye.' 'Zo Lord Compton, Lord President of I got un up, and dressed un, and tookt Wales, to whom, in the year 1594, un to the winder. “There,' zaid I, she was married. The following let. Jahn, can't ye zee now ?'
ter from her to her lord, without date, a zaid, a couldn't. • Then,' zays I, but written probably in or about the • I know what 'tis. 'Tis your zight's year 1617, shows the extravagant exa-turned inward.' Zo I took't a pair pectations of women of the seventeenth of zizzers, not sharp tapped ones, century :your honour, and poked to his eyes “ MY SWEET Life,-Now I have to turn the zight outward agin-but declared to you my mind for the setI couldn't. Well, then I brought tling of your state, I supposed that it un down-stairs into this here room, were best for me to bethink or consi. your honour. • Zo,ʻzays I, Jahn, “can't der with myself what allowance were ye zee in this room, neither?' anda' zaid meetest for me. In considering what no, a couldn't. Well, then I thought care I have had of your estate, and of the picturs—lie was always cruel how respectfully I dealt with those, vond of picturs—thinks a, pr’aps a which, both by the laws of God, of may zee they ; zo I tookt 'um up to nature, and of civil polity, wit, relithin. • There,' zays I, • Jahn, don't ye gion, government, and honesty, you, zee the pictur?—'tis Taffy riding upon my dear, are bound to, I pray and behis goat. But a zaid no, a couldn't. seech you to grant me L.1600 per anZo then a' tookt un up to t'other pic- num, quarterly to be paid. Also I tur. • There'-sir, he was always very would (besides that allowance for my vond of thin—and I pushed his nose apparel) have 1.600 added yearly close to un; “there,' says I, “to be sure (quarterly to be paid), for the per, you zee this pictur, can't ye?' But formance of charitable works ; and a zaid no. “Why,' zaid I, •'tis Joseph those things I would not, neither will and his brethren ; there they be— be accountable for. there be twelve of 'em-can't ye zee “ Also I will have three horses, for ne'er a one of 'em ?' But a zaid no, my own saddle, that none shall dare a couldn't zee none of 'em. “Then, to lend or borrow; none lend but I, says I, • 'tis a bad job-your zight's none borrow but you. a turned inward.' Zo we pomsterred “ Also I would have two gentlewith un a bit, and then tried some women, lest one should be sick, or
• Gutta Serena.
have some other lett ; also believe that furnished, and all my lodging chamit is an undecent thing for a gentle. bers to be suited with all such furni. woman to stand mumping alone, when ture as is fit, as beds, stools, chairs, God hath blessed this lord and lady suitable cushions, carpets, silverwarmwith a good estate.
ing-pans, cupboards of plate, fair “ Also, when I ride a-hunting or hangings, and such like ; so for my hawking, or travel from one house to drawing-chambers in all houses, I will another, I will have them attending; have them delicately furnished, both so, for either of these said women, I with hangings, couch canopy, glass, must and will have a horse for either carpet, chair cushions, and all things of them.
thereunto belonging. Also, my de« Also I will have six or eight gen- sire is, that you would pay all my tlemen ; and I will have my two debts, build Ashby house, and purcoaches—one lined with velvet for chase lands, and lend no money (as myself, with four very fair horses, and you love God) to the Lord Chambera coach for any women, lined with lain, (Thomas Earl of Suffolk) who sheet cloth-one laced with gold, the would have all, perhaps your life from other with scarlet, and laced with you. Remember his son, my Lord watered lace and silver, with four Walden, what entertainment he gave good horses.
me when you was at Tilt Yard_if “ Also I will have two coachmen- you were dead, he said, he would be one for my own coach, the other for a husband, a father, a brother, and he my women.
said he would marry me. I protest I “ Also, at any time when I travel, grieve to see the poor man have so I will be allowed not only carroches little wit and honesty, to use his friend and spare horses for me and my wo- so vilely. Also, he fed me with unmen, but I will have such carriages as truths concerning the Charter-house, shall be fitting for all, orderly; not but that is the least; he wished me pestering my things with my women's much harm; you know him. God —nor theirs with chambermaids' keep you and me from such as he is! nor theirs with washerwomen's. So now that I have declared to you
“ Also for laundresses, when I tra- what I would have, and what that is vel, I will have them sent away before I would not have, I pray that, when with the carriages, to see all safe ; and you be an earl, to allow me L.1000 the chamber-maids, I will have go more than I now desire, and double before with the greens, that the cham- attendance. bers may be ready, sweet and clean.
• Your loving wife, Also, for that it is indecent to crowd
Eliza COMPTON," up myself with my gentleman-usher in my coach, I will have him to have I will not add more than to remark a convenient horse, to attend me either with what tender delicacy she would in city or in country. : And I must provoke her husband to just so much have two footmen, and my desire is, that jealousy as should make him proud you defray all the charges for me. and happy in her virtues ; and that she And for myself, besides my yearly shows the virtue of a prudent woman, allowance, I would have twenty gowns in requiring quarterly payments, well of apparel; six of them excellent good aware that
16 short accounts make ones, eight of them for the country, long friendships." This circumstance, and six other of them very excellent too, reminds me of the strict prudence good ones. Also, I would have to put of an elderly maiden lady, who, with in my purse L.2000 and L.200, and a pride above being dependent upon so for you to pay my debts. Also, I wealthier relatives, retired daily to would have L.6000 to buy me jewels, her chamber to pray for a “comfortand L.4000 to buy me a pearl chain. able competency,” which she always Now, seeing I am so reasonable unto explained in these words, and with a you,
children more elevated voice. " And lest, O apparel and their schooling; and also Lord, thou shouldst not understand my servants (men and women) their what I mean, I mean Four Hundred wages. Also, I will have my houses a-year paid quarterly.”