r. XII. Speculation; or, a Defence of Mankind: A Poëm. 4to, 2 s. 6 d. Printed for the Author, and fold by Dodley. 1780.
Ta time when the rancour of party animofity feems in a great measure to have monopolized the pen of satire, it is with no flight degree of fatisfaction that we find this sportive bard once more invoking the Mufe of Humour to laugh the vices and foibles of mankind out of countenance. And yet, if we may judge from the opening of his poem, he does not appear to have met, in his own eftimation at least, with that treatment from the world to which his inoffenfive reprehenfion of its vices ought to have entitled him :
Ah me! what fpleen, revenge, and hate
Those reprobated bards await,
Who feek by laughter to difgrace
The follies of the human race!
Howe'er by nature they're inclin'd
To pity and to love mankind,
And fain by every gentle art,
Which ridicule and mirth impart,
Their minds to virtue would entice,
And fhame the harden'd front of vice,
How cautiously foe'er they aim,
Make manners, and not men, their game,
The only meed the world bestows,
Are civil friends, and latent foes.
And wilt thou then, dear Mufe, once more
Adventure near that dangerous fhore,
Once more, alas! be doom'd to hear
The fcribbler's jeft, and coxcomb's fneer?
It must be fo, for be it known
Thou art a harden'd finner grown,
Nor all the criticising race
Can move one muscle of thy face.
But if fome man for tafte renown'd,
Of knowledge deep, and judgment found,
One whom the monarchy of wit
Has deem'd for every science fit,
And letters patent has affign'd
To ftamp th' opinions of mankind,
One, who if chance he find thee trip,'
Will feize at once his critic whip,
As pleas'd as SCALIGER or BENTLEY,
And flog thee pretty near as gently,
If fuch a man for once fhould fmile,
(And long to damn thee all the while)
And afk thee why," 'mid every flower
That blooms around the Aonian bower,
And every painted bud that blows
To deck th' enraptur'd poet's brows,
Some devious path thou should'st explore,
For garlands never worn before,
And defcant on a theme fo long
Il fuited to melodious fong "
Do thou rejoin" 'twas injur'd worth
That call'd thine indignation forth;
A phrafe, which all mankind degrade,
Sought refuge in thy friendly aid;
For injur'd words, like injur'd men,
Claim fuccour from an author's pen,
And all as justly may command
The poet's lyre, as critic's wand;
Say, that of all th' ill-fated words.
Great JOHNSON's Dictionary affords,
Or ever from the fruitfal ftore
Of Roman and Athenian lore
Were gather'd by that grand importer,
And pounded in an English mortar,
Of all th' unfortunate expreffions.
Abus'd by wights of all profeffions,
Hack'd at the bar, in pulpit tortur'd,
Or chapel of St. Stephen flaughter'd,
Not one was e'er fo bafely treated,
Of fpirit, fenfe, and meaning cheated,
Or e'er deferv'd commiferation,
Like this poor word, call'd SPECULATION.'
After giving a definition of the term according to its primitime acceptation, he proceeds to point out its prefent mifapplication and abufe:
Whatever wild fantastic dreams.
Give birth to man's outrageous schemes,
Purfu'd without the least pretence
To virtue, honefty, or fense,
Whate'er the wretched bafely dare.
From pride, ambition, or despair,
Fraud, luxury, or diffipation,"
Affumes, the name of-SPECULATION."
Of these speculators, who form, under the pencil of this admirable artist, a groupe truly grotefque, the Bull is not the least humorous:
Oh! how PYTHAGORAS Would wonder!
And JUPITER prepare his thunder!
Think with what fury he would rush
The brokers and the bank to crush,
Could he behold, what oft' the cafe is,
A man, who fells old cloaths and laces,
Such as the Reader may conceive L
Have feen among the tribe of Lɛvi,
For goodness now, and worth renown'd,
Contract for fifty thousand pound,
Buy Scrip, Bank, Omnium, or Long Ann.
Or Lottery Tick-lf fuch a man
The hafty spouse of JUNO faw
With beard prolix, and famish'd jaw,
Dare to tranfmigrate, and become
A BULL, for that enormous fum,
Would not the jealous God appal
The wretch in fome new fhape, or call
The herald MERCURY at once,
To ferve him like that PHRYGIAN dunce,
That jobber in the stocks of old
Whofe touch turn'd every thing to gold?
And would not MERCURY himself
Look fharp, and tremble for his pelf,
Soon as the ISRAELITE he found
With folemn pace go lowing round,
Contriving ev'ry base device
To raise the stocks, and mend their price,
Could hear how oft' the monster tries,
To furnish us with new allies,
With peace how often to regale us-
And victories can never fail us-
How oft' a finking State he faves,
By friendly aid of winds and waves ?
Oh! treacherous BULL, from hell deriv'd,
Worse than e'er Phalaris contriv'd,
Thou, that for curfed gold can't find
Such methods to diftrefs mankind,
And feed a nation's hopes in vain,
To fell thy bargain out again!'
In the fame ftile of painting are the Bear and the Lame Duck. But, perhaps, the most exquisite picture in the whole piece is the Birth of the Taxes.
But turn, my gentle Mufe, nor deign
To dwell with that unhallow'd train;
Thy kindred bards demand thy fong,
To them thy grateful notes prolong,
Who quitting BATH's ador'd retreat,
Her frolic fports, and paftimes fweet,
And purer joys which verse infpires,
Sufpend their foft harmonious lyres,
To-day all haftening to attend
The groaning of their much-lov'd friend,
A Lady whole exalted station
Demands their utmost veneration,
And whofe unmerited diftrefs
Their pity and regret no lefs;
For me, I must acknowledge fairly,
I vifit at her house but rarely,
She always has fo large a crowd
Of well bred men, who talk fo loud,
* The twenty-fifth day of November laft, at which time this poem was written,
Yet do I feel most truly for her,
And look upon her cafe with horror,
'Tis now, as the herself has reckon'd,
Five months, and upwards, fince the quicken'd,
And every moment, as 'tis faid,
Is waiting to be brought to bed;
Poor foul! what forrow and vexation
She fuff'red through the whole gestation!
And now but very ill fuftains
The thought of her approaching pains;
So many children she has had,
And most of them turn'd out fo bad,
Have quarrell'd with her dearest neighbours,
And marr'd her honeft tenants labours,
Their darken'd dwellings fill'd with ftrife,
And grudg'd them every joy of life,
Kept fuch a prodigal retinue,
Their wages eat up her revenue,
And all at fuch a shameful rate
Encreas'd the debt on her eftate,
The thoughts of adding to the number
Deprive her of her balmy flumber;
The fame MAN-MIDWIFE who, I hear,
Attended at her Couche last year,
Speaks like a fenfible phyfician,
And shakes his head at her condition;
A ftubborn acrimonious humour,
Which daily haftens to confume her,
Corrupts her pancreatic juices,
And choler without end produces,
And when upon her brain 'tis pitch'd,
'Twill make her talk like one bewitch'd;
That when, in hopes fome good to do her,
The Doctor puts a queftion to her,
And thinks, perhaps, that change of diet
Might help to keep her fpirits quiet,
Or purgatives her heat affwage,
She'll fly into a dreadful rage,
And all the anfwer fhe'll bestow
Is-Aye, Aye, Aye, or No, No, No.
Such fymptoms make her friends begin
To think there's fomething wrong within,
That needs must take before the fummer
The ufe of all her members from her,
Which in a broken conftitution
Muft foon bring on her diffolution.
Then fay, Oh! fay, ye learned leeches,
Whofe fashionable doctrine teaches
That infants bear no mark nor fign
Of things for which their mothers pine,
And evils which afflict the parent
Are never in the child inherent,
Say, from this lady fo affected
What progeny can be expected?
For me, (although 'tis rarely found
That poets are for truth renown`d)
I'll boldy venture to suppose
She'll bring with ftrong convulfive throws
Some ill-fhap'd brat, of mien most horrid,
With marks of blood upon it's forehead,
An odious imp, whose bleared fight
Abhors the window's chearful light,
Will fquint at every human foul
And long to fconce him on the poll;
Will pine for ev'ry thing it fees,
E'en for a bit of dirt will teaze,
And rather than that bit refufe,
Will eat it from a ploughman's fhoes ;
Long of his half-pence to unload
The meaneft traveller on the road;
A horse, a carriage, or a fervant
Will tear and fhatter every nerve on't,
And fight of every little tit
Will give it a convulfion fit;
And when the nurfe has cloath'd and fed it
With pap, fhe borrows on the credit
Of Doctor LOAN, whofe famous tickets
Kill knawing worms, and cure the rickets,
And given it a charm the locks
Securely up in velvet box,
Which makes it neither purge nor vomit,
Nor caft the leaft corruption from it,
I truft fhe'll bring her baby forth,
And much commend its parts and worth,
Will fmile with joy and admiration,
And call the monster-SPECULATION.
Meanwhile fome goffips that attend it
Outrageous to the devil would fend it,
Will reprobate the odious creature,
And militate 'gainst every feature,
And when the nurfe begins to cram it,
Will one and all confpire to damn it:
With might and main will crowd and clamber
To get into the inward chamber,
And should they gain admittance there,
(For ought I'll venture to declare)
Might take the baby in their arms,
And hit upon fome fecret charms,
Some latent Je ne fçai quoi, or grace
Which hitherto they ne'er could trace,
Might kifs the monster and carefs it,
And try in fome new mode to dress it,
And then declare it looks fo fmugly
'Twas strange they ever thought it ugly,
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