Of whom fome torches bore, fome links,
Before the proud virago-minx,
That was both madam and a don,
Like Nero's Sporus, or pope Joan;
And at fit periods the whole rout
Set up their throats with clam'rous fhout.
The knight transported, and the squire,
Put up their weapons, and their ire;
And Hudibras, who us'd to ponder
On fuch fights with judicious wonder,
Could hold no longer, to impart
His animadverfions, for his heart.
Quoth he, in all my life till now,
I ne'er faw fo profane a fhow;
It is a paganish invention,
Which heathen writers often mention;
And he, who made it, had read Goodwin,
I warrant him, and understood him : 670
With all the Grecian Speeds and Stows,
That best describe those ancient shows;
And has obferv'd all fit decorums
We find describ'd by old historians :
For, as the Roman conqueror,
That put an end to foreign war,
Ent'ring the town in triumph for it,
Bore a flave with him in his chariot;
So this infulting female brave
Carries behind her here a flave:
And as the ancients long ago,
When they in field defy'd the foe,
Hung out their mantles della guerre,
So her proud standard-bearer here
Waves on his fpear, in dreadful manner,
A Tyrian petticoat for banner.
Next links and torches, heretofore
Still borne before the emperor :
And, as in antique triumphs, eggs
Were borne for myftical intrigues;
There's`one, with truncheon like a ladle,
That carries eggs too, fresh or adle:
And still at random, as he goes,
Among the rabble-rout bestows.
Quoth Ralpho, you mistake the matter; 695 For all th' antiquity you fmatter
Is but a riding us'd of course,
When the grey mare's the better horse ;
When o'er the breeches greedy women
Fight, to extend their vaft dominion,
And in the cause impatient Grizzle
Has drubb'd her husband with bull's pizzle,
And brought him under covert-baron,
To turn her vaffal with a murrain
When wives their fexes fhift, like hares,
And ride their hufbands like night-mares;
And they, in mortal battle vanquifh'd,
Are of their charter difenfranchis'd,
And by the right of war, like gills,
Condemn'd to diftaff, horns, and wheels :
For when men by their wives are cow'd,
Their horns of course are understood.
Quoth Hudibras, thou ftill giv'ft fentence
Impertinently, and against sense :
'Tis not the least disparagement
To be defeated by th' event,
Nor to be beaten by main force ;
That does not make a man the worse,
Altho' his fhoulders, with battoon,
Be claw'd, and cudgell'd to fome tune;
A tailor's 'prentice has no hard
Measure, that's bang'd with a true yard;
But to turn tail, or run away,
And without blows give up the day;
Or to furrender ere the affault,
That's no man's fortune, but his fault;
And renders men of honour less
Than all th' adverfity of fuccefs;
And only unto fuch this fhew
Of horns and petticoats is due.
There is a lesser profanation,
Like that the Romans call'd ovation:
For as ovation was allow'd
For conqueft purchas'd without blood;
So men decree thofe leffer fhows
For vict'ry gotten without blows,
By dint of sharp hard words, which some
Give battle with, and overcome;
These mounted in a chair-curule,
Which moderns call a cucking-ftool,
March proudly to the river's side,
And o'er the waves in triumph ride;
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