and continued but a few days: he lived and died in the Lord! desired I would desist any further attempt of that sort, for they should not give their But to return, the news of my being some- consent, and hoped I would not do anything what reformed, soon got into the country, that was dishonourable. I answered them, which was very pleasing to my relations; but "No, far be it from me:" and after some little they also received an account that I had got more time and conversation, we parted. They into a very singular and strange way of dress, were people of greater property in the world as a wig without any curls, undyed stockings, than I expected or thought of, and probably shoe-strings instead of buckles, &c., and some that might be some objection. I returned home said, that I was the same as before, only that somewhat disquieted, lest whilst I thought I I had made an alteration in dress to deceive: was doing right, I had done wrong. But but time manifested all this to be untrue. My even to this day I believe I did right acbrother, who lived in the country, and was be-cording to the best of my judgment, and refore this under the like precious visitation, and mained without condemnation: and at night had made some profitable steps in the way of life I laid myself down to rest with a sweet comand salvation, was not a little rejoiced at this posed mind. religious turn in me, and from him I often received letters, which were greatly to my edification and comfort. We always loved one another very affectionately, but now far more than ever, as children not only of the natural, but also of the heavenly Father: after this manner we continued to love and live to the end. I followed my watch-making business in the capacity of a journeyman, and at best could make but poor earnings, and in the time of the hard frost was forced to live very sparingly to make it do; yet I was content and thankful in this respect, and being steady I became more known, and grew in the esteem of Friends. CHAPTER II. I Now began to have an inclination in my mind to change my condition; in the prosecution of which, sundry remarkable occurrences befalling, make it necessary to insert more largely than otherwise I should have done. A sober virtuous young woman of a reputable family struck my attention: I weighed the matter very deliberately, and moved as I thought in the openings of Truth. I had but bare knowledge of the young woman, but she bore a good character as a religious Friend, which weighed with me more than any other thing. I was altogether a stranger to the family and they to me, which made it a matter of difficulty to get properly introduced, which at length I did by giving some prior intelligence. I addressed myself in the best manner I was capable of to the parents of the young woman, who were both of them then living, and received me becomingly, and heard me pretty fully on the subject. They acknowledged the respect I showed to them and their daughter, in presenting myself in such an honourable and commendable manner, becoming my profession; but withal signified, however they might be in my estimation, that I was not so in theirs, and therefore Parents and children should be careful not to thirst too much after the love of the world, but above all things seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and those things shall be added unto you. Young people, who are sober and religious and withal industrious, are to be preferred to those that have worldly riches without the other necessary qualifications. I had strong inclinations once more to go into the country to see my ancient and honourable grandmother, Catherine Peckover, with the rest of my relations; and to save expenses I travelled on foot, which fatigued me very much. But when I got there, I found a very kind reception, and very comfortable was this visit to me. After being here a few days, my dear brother proposed my staying and settling in the country, which I liked very well, if my friends would be kind enough to assist me, without which I could not; nor had I courage to ask any such favour, and had but little to expect from such a proposal, considering my past conduct. But my brother was very pressing that it might be so, and was the chief and principal instrument in bringing it about, which was at length effected, but not without some difficulty. I was bowed in awfulness and in thankfulness to the great Master, who was pleased to open the hearts of my Friends for my help. I then hired a little shop at Fakenham, and was to board with my grandmother, who seemed more than commonly pleased with the thoughts of my company, and I not less so with the thoughts of hers. After a short stay in the country, I returned again to London to settle my affairs there, and to furnish myself with what was necessary for my little shop; which I did in the best manner I was capable of, not having a larger capital than thirty pounds, and that not my own. Before I left London, I requested a certificate of removal from Peel Monthly Meeting to that of Fa kenham in Norfolk, which was granted me, The following is a testimony from the Monthly Meeting of Wells, in Norfolk, concerning her. signifying my life and conversation were sober departed this life, in the seventy-fifth year of and orderly, that I was clear in respect of her age. marriage, and recommending me to the care of the said meeting. Having forwarded my things, and taken leave of my friends in town, with many of whom I had sweet and precious unity, I returned into the country, about the middle of the year 1741. "We think it incumbent upon us to say something in commemoration of so good and valuable a woman, counting it no small blessI was greatly pleased with this change of ing to the churches in these parts, wherein life, as I never before knew what it was to she continued from about the twentieth year live so comfortably. After a time, I got my of her age to her departure out of this life, little shop furnished and myself agreeably set- and was all along a very serviceable and hontled. I had now to consult with my grand- ourable member amongst us. Her many exmother how I should conduct myself during cellent qualifications, attended with a meek, the time of our week-day meeting, my shop humble, reverent deportment in all respects, standing by itself: without hesitation, she rendered her very near and dear to us. It soon advised me what I should do, and that pleased God to bestow upon her a gift of the was, when the meeting day came, to shut up ministry, to which she was faithful and very my shop, "for," says she, "thy grandfather exemplary in waiting on it, delivering the matand I did so, and when we returned from ter she had to say with much plainness and meeting, generally found many customers brevity, being attended with great power, to waiting for us," and believed they never were the no small edification and comfort of the sufferers by shutting up their shop for the sake churches. Her life and conversation well of going to a religious meeting. I immedi- corresponded with her doctrine, and she was ately joined in with my grandmother's advice, much respected by people of other societies: being of the same judgment, and sweet, com- she was very charitable and full of good fortable, edifying meetings we had, such as I works, her delight was to be found in practrust will make long and lasting impressions tices becoming the Gospel, and she was an on my mind. I thought nobody could be hap-eminent pillar amongst us, a worthy mother pier than I was, settled in the midst of my re- in Israel, and a great ornament to the Society. lations, among whom there dwelt so much love and harmony. I had hitherto been brought up and educated at a very great distance from my brother and sister, but now kind Providence so ordered it, that we were all settled within the compass of a very few miles of each other: so pleasant was my situation, that I thought I should not desire to have a better settlement in this world. But the Lord our Maker, the Creator of the ends of the earth, who has given us these blessings, for a time and season, that we might be one another's in him, knows best when, by his ordering hand, to take away as well as to give; and it behoveth us as finite beings, to live in fear and in subordination to his all-wise providence, and to say, "Thy will be done." When I had lived thus happily about three months, my dear grandmother was taken ill, and grew weaker and weaker, and in a little time was confined to her room. As I was one day sitting by her, she spoke very awfully of eternity, and what a solemn thing it was to die, and said unto me, "My dear, 1 would have thee to be faithful to that which it may please the Lord to require of thee. It may be that thou mayst have to bear a testimony in this place; and if it should be so, I would have thee to be faithful to it." She continued but a few days longer, and quietly She received the Truth whilst very young, nearly affected with her removal from us, which my mind is made humbly thankful at which though it be our unspeakable loss, we doubt not is her great gain, and that she is centered in the holy mansions with saints and angels, and the spirits of the just made perfect. She departed this life at her own dwelling-house in Fakenham, in the said county, on the 1st day of the eighth month, and was attended to the grave by great numbers of Friends and others. She was born about 1666 and died in the year 1741, and was a minister about forty-six years." I was very much affected by this great loss, both in respect to my outward settlement, and because my grandmother was a choice companion and counsellor; yet I found my duty was to be still, and not to murmur, but to put my trust and confidence in the Lord, in whom there is everlasting strength. this time. All things being in readiness, divers of us went as far as Swaffham, twelve miles, at which place it was agreed, that Joseph Ransom and I should continue with him up to London. For which purpose, Joseph Ransom and I turned back, after we had rode a few miles, to get some few necessaries for our journey, and returned to our company as expeditiously as we well could. We found they had dined at Swaffham and gone from thence: still moving forward, we saw them at some distance, going but a foot's pace and in much stillness. The nearer we approached, the more awful and solemn they appeared: when we got up with them, we found they were all retired into silence, and our spirits were also gathered and united with theirs in the holy solemnity. In this manner we continued some time, and then dear uncle made a full stop, and so did all the rest, and alighted from our horses; uncle being filled with the power and love of God, kneeled down on the wide heath, and supplicated the Almighty with fervency of spirit, and we were all so affected and reached by the power of Truth which was over all, as was to our inexpressible joy, consolation and comfort. This was a renewed confirmation to our dear uncle and us, of his concern being grounded upon a right bottom. I never at any time felt and enjoyed anything to the like degree as this; it was to us at that time, even as if the very heavens were opened, the fragrancy thereof remains sweet in my remembrance to this day! In this heavenly frame, we saluted one another, whilst tears plentifully trickled down our cheeks :-we knew not how to part, and yet it must be:thus in much brokenness and contrition of soul and spirit, we took an affectionate leave one of another; but indeed, we were so overcome, as to be almost past utterance! After some little time more, we mounted our horses and turned our backs one upon another, the About this time, my dear uncle Edmund heavenly virtue still remaining with us, Joseph Peckover, laid before our Monthly Meeting a Ransom and I accompanying him towards concern which had been on his mind for a London, and the other Friends and relations great many years, to pay a religious visit to homewards. When at some distance, he the churches in America, and requested our turned about, to take another look of his reapprobation and certificate. It was a singulations and Friends, and they also in like larly moving time, and almost the whole meet- manner, shaking their heads and waving their ing was broken into tears, so deeply exercised hands, with hearts full, bidding farewell: and was all within him for the cause of righteous- even whilst he sorrowed, he rejoiced! So we ness, and for the prosperity of our Zion; he passed on our journey filled with Divine love, spoke with Divine power and authority, and that it was some considerable time before we the Lord's love and gracious regard was fell into any conversation. He had two publargely manifested to us that day. My bro-lic meetings at Hertford, besides a few Friends ther carried on his business till his return, which I believe he did as a faithful and just steward; and the Lord has richly and plenteously rewarded and blessed him for it, for I continued to live in the same house; and as my uncle, Joseph Peckover, and aunt lived in the same town, they were very kind to me, and I believe had an esteem for me. There was a care on my mind, that as I believed in the Truth, I might also walk in it, that being a good example I might be an encouragement to others; and as I was honest before the Lord, he was pleased to increase these desires in me, and to bless me with the aboundings of his good Spirit, by which I was often comforted in religious meetings more than formerly. I was glad to experience this, and that my removal from London into the country, and from a worse to a better living, as to the outward, was not to my spiritual hurt. It was not long after this, that I found myself uncommonly exercised in meetings, but had not liberty to say to any how or in what manner my exercise was, as I thought it might wear off. I had great and weighty ponderings of soul, fearing lest I should be drawn into delusions through the craftiness of the enemy; but still trusted, that the Lord would not suffer me to be deceived by him. gathered together in the evening to take their leave, and a memorable opportunity it was, owned by the Master himself, whose living presence was experienced to our comfort and edification. Having conducted him safe up to London, he went on board the vessel soon after, and I returned with the plenteous reward of peace in my own bosom, for having attended this good man so far on his journey. CHAPTER III. break up again, being in a state of disobedi ence and unfaithfulness. As it was in the cool of the day, when the Lord called unto Adam and said, "Where art thou?" so in like manner, when I was come from meeting, and settling myself amongst my outward concerns of life, the piercing cry of, Where art thou? overtook me,-with, "Vengeance is mine, and I will repay it, saith the Lord." It is not an easy matter to describe the state of my mind, the distress of my soul. Formerly I had been favoured with the love of God, but these times and opportunities seemed now to be at an end, the fruitful field was turned into a wilderness, briars and thorns and nettles were spiritually brought forth in me, as scourges, to chastise and punish for my wilful neglect, omission, and transgression. Day was turned into night, and this night was a continued distress of soul. Light was become darkness; I think no pen can write, nor tongue describe what I underwent. He laughed at my calamity, and mocked when my fear came: when I went to meeting, instead of Divine approbation and love which I used to feel, I was condemned and reproved: "I will not hear the melody of thy viols." In this dark lost state I remained long; and when the fierceness of his anger was somewhat abated, I was far from enjoying comfortable meetings as before, but sat in much drought and barrenness, and had not power to lift up my spirit to ask forgiveness of him whom I had offended. To return to the close and weighty concern which I found on my mind in religious assemblies. This would sometimes bring before my remembrance, what my grandmother said to me a few days before she died, at which I have already hinted; a great dread would often attend me, lest I should too readily engage in an office for which I was not sufficiently prepared. I besought the Lord day and night with cries and with tears, that he would be pleased to be with me in the way that I should go, whatsoever I might suffer as to the outward; and, blessed be his great and holy name, I witnessed him to be as a shepherd, who "gathereth the lambs with his arm, and carrieth them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young." And in the work and operation of this great duty, I found the gradual and gentle drawings of the Divine Leader, who requires no more of us than he is pleased to give us power and strength to perform. Great was his love, and manifold his tender mercies towards me, in forming and fashioning me according to his holy pleasure. Notwithstanding all this tender dealing and gentle leading, when the time At length it pleased the Lord, that we were came that I was fully convinced of what my favoured with a religious visit from our dear duty was to do, I was very unwilling and friend Elizabeth Dennis, whose company was loath to comply with the requiring, and en- truly acceptable: it was my lot to be guide to treated with the greatest earnestness that I her to the next meeting, and on our way she might be excused; and was afraid, when the spoke many comfortable things concerning meeting day came, lest a concern should come me, as that I should come up in acceptable over my mind to say something. In this state service in our religious Society, &c. I did I continued long, until by sorrowful experience not hide my state from her, but gave her to I found, that the Lord was angry with me, understand, that I thought not, for I feared and withdrew his loving-kindness from me; the Lord's precious visitation to my soul was then was I in great distress of mind, and said over, in that I had withstood the day wherein in secret, If I might but enjoy his Divine I was called, and that I never expected the like presence as I had formerly done, and the like call any more. But she said, "Yes;" and concern should again befall me, I would cer- that she was well satisfied it would be so. tainly be faithful. And the Lord, who retains This was to me a joyful message, and I now not anger for ever, was pleased again to re- began rather to revive, and hope sprang in my store me by his grace, and condescended to mind, that the Lord would once more favour my petition. Soon after, I was tried in like me with the lifting up of the light of his counmanner as heretofore; and notwithstanding tenance, and I found by degrees his displeawhat I had already undergone in time past, in sure wear off. I suffered so much in this bringing his displeasure over me for my diso-state, that now I only wished and desired if it bedience, and the clear evidence I had in my own mind of the certainty of the concern, and that it was no delusion nor work of the enemy, all this would not work a compliance in my hard heart even to do what I knew was my duty to do, and so I suffered the meeting to might be his will, he would please to accept me, and I would willingly serve him, if I could but have those former and precious visitations of Divine love and life revived. I experienced my religious meetings to be more still and quiet than heretofore; and after considerable time I felt a gradual increase of the Divine love and Notwithstanding the Lord suffered his servant life, of which my poor soul had long been deprived: I now only waited for a fresh commission, and strength to do what his will commanded. Blessed be his great name, who had made me as passive clay in the hand of the potter! for, of a truth, I had learned to say, "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done :" and being now fully given up, the Lord was pleased to renew his tender visitations to my soul as formerly. I was constant in attending meetings, in which divine favour was abundantly communicated and experienced. I escaped for some time being tried in this very great duty; for although I was fully given up in my mind, yet I was to be mindful not to be too forward, for that I thought would be as bad or worse than being too backward. to reason with him, yet he continued it so long, that the Lord was angry with him; though he so remarkably manifested to him his greatness and power and authority, with visible signs and tokens, beyond all imaginations and doubtings; by which Moses was to understand, that although he was but as the rod or twig which he had in his hand, yet at the Divine command it could be turned into a serpent, to strike terror into such as lived in defiance of his holy will. So plainly did the great Master condescend to his servant, that at length he was brought into a compliance with the Master's will; for I think the Holy Scripture gives this testimony concerning him, that "Moses did as the Lord commanded him." I continued faithful in that which appeared my duty; and whilst very young in my ministry, had drawings in my mind to pay a religious visit to Friends in Lincolnshire and Yorkshire; and a Friend in our county having somewhat of the like concern, I thought it a good opportunity for me to shelter myself under him, if it could be so ordered. Accord On the About this time, we were favoured with the company of Daniel Badger, a Friend in the ministry, whose service was attended with demonstration of the Spirit and with power. In this meeting, I found my mind afresh baptized into the service of the ministry, and though I said nothing at all, yet I was well satisfied I bore my testimony in standing uncovered, trembling before the Lord and his ingly, I paid a visit to the Friend, signifying people; and if anything had been given me to him the engagement of my mind; which to say, I should certainly have spoken proving very agreeable to him, I then took the it, whether little or much; however I had necessary steps in settling my business, and great peace in this first and foolish appear- sought the unity of my friends and relations, ance. I now thought myself again restored with the approbation of my Monthly Meeting, into Divine favour, which was more to me from whence I obtained a certificate. than great temporal riches; and began to 26th of third month, 1743, I set forward on think that nothing more of this kind might my journey from Fakenham to Lynn, at which befall me, and that what I had done was only place I met my companion, John Norris, of for a trial of my love and obedience; for it Mattishall; and we had a meeting there that was some time before anything of the like day. A very hard meeting it was, and the kind was again required. But on a certain occurrences that befell us in the course of our time, when Mary Goodwine, a young woman visit to this meeting were very discouraging, in the ministry, was on a religious visit to us, and had not the power of God been near to it was my lot to conduct her to Wells, which support against all the contrary, I must have was the next meeting, and there again I found returned wounded in the first engagement: at the concern came very powerfully on me; and length we parted friendly. We had a meetI sat the chief of the meeting under an exer- ing next day at Wisbeach to more satisfaction; cise of supplication, which in faithfulness I and from thence to Gedney in Lincolnshire, gave up to, and most in the meeting were re- where we witnessed the Lord's power to our markably affected; which I do not mention great comfort. The next was Spalding, and boastingly, but it was a confirmation that I so to Boston; had a large, good meeting, was right in this weighty undertaking. And chiefly of other societies. We passed to though, in this great duty, I acknowledge Wainfleet the next morning, and in the evemyself to have been backward even to un- ning at Partney, and had meetings there and faithfulness and stubbornness, yet if it is at Waltorn the day following; at which place rightly considered, it is not to be much won- the Lord was graciously pleased to shower dered at, that the creature should be made to down his Gospel rain upon us, causing us to suffer greatly before it is brought to be alto- bring forth fruits to his praise. On first-day, gether passive to the heavenly will, and fit for being the 5th of the fourth month, were at the Master's use. How awful was the work Brigg; and in the afternoon had a good meetwhich the Lord wrought by his servant Moses, ing. The hearts of the people were opened, and great the pleadings he made as to his and I hope drank in that of which their souls unworthiness and unfitness in divers respects. and ours stood in great need. I cannot well |