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For recordation to my noble husband.
London. A Room in the Boar's Head Tavern, in
Enter two Drawers. 1 Draw. What the devil hast thou brought there! apple-Johns? thou know'st sir John cannot endure an apple-John.
2 Draw. Mass, thou say'st true: The prince once set a dish of apple-Johns before him, and told him, there were five more sir Johns: and, putting off his hat, said, I will now take my leave of these six dry, round, old, wither'd knights. It anger'd him to the heart; but he hath forgot that.
1 Draw. Why then, cover, and set them down: And see if thou canst find out Sneak's noise *'; mistress Tear-sheet would fain hear some musick. Des. patch:- The room where they supp'd, is too hot; they'll come in straight.
2 Draw. Sirrah, here will be the prince, and master Poins anon: and they will put on two of our jerkins, and aprons; and sir John must not know of it: Bardolph hath brought word.
1 Draw. By the mass, here will be old utis 42: It will be an excellent stratagem.
2 Draw. I'll see, if I can find out Sneak. [Exit.
Enter Hostess and Doll TeAR-SHBET.
Host. I'faith, sweet heart, methinks now you are in an excellent good temperality: your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as heart would desire; and your colour, I warrant you, is as red as any rose: But, i'faith, you have drunk too much canaries; and that's a marvellous searching wine, and it perfumes the blood ere one can say, -What's this? How do
Dol. Better than I was. Hem !
Host. Why, that's well said; a good heart's worth gold. Look, here comes sir John.
Enter FALSTAFF, singing. Fal. When Arthur first in court-Empty the jordan.- And was a worthy king: [Exit Drawer.] How now, Mrs. Doll?
Host. Sick of a calm: yea, good sooth.
Fal. So is all her sect; an they be once in a calm, they are sick.
Dol. You muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you give me?
Fal. You make fat rascals, mistress Doll.
Dol. I make them! gluttony and diseases make them; I make them not.
Fal. If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the diseases, Doll: we catch of you, Doll, we catch of you; grant that, my poor virtue, grant that.
Dol. Ay, marry; our chains, and our jewels.
Fal. Your brooches, pearls, and owches 43 :-for to serve bravely, is to come halting off, you know: To come off the breach with his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely; to venture upon the charg‘d chambers bravely:
Doll. Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself!
Host. By my troth, this is the old fashion; you two never meet, but you
fall some discord: you are both, in good troth, as rheumatick as two dry toasts; you cannot one bear with another's confirmities. What the good year! one must bear, and that must be you: [To Dol.] you are the weaker vessel, as they say, the emptier vessel.
Dol. Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogshead? there's a whole merchant's venture of Bourdeaux stuff in him; you have not seen a hulk better stuff'd in the hold.-Come, I'll be friends with thee, Jack: thou art going to the wars; and whether I shall ever see thee again, or no, there is nobody cares.
Re-enter Drawer. Draw. Sir, ancient Pistol's below, and would speak with you.
Dol. Hang him, swaggering rascal! let him not come hither: it is the foul-mouth'dst rogue in England.
Host. If he swagger, let him not come here: no, by my faith; I must live amongst my neighbours; I'll no swaggerers: I am in good name and fame with the very best:-Shut the door ;-there conies no swaggerers here! I have not lived all this while, to have swaggering now: shut the door, I pray you.
Fal. Dost thou hear, hostess ?
Host. Pray you, pacify yourself, sir John; there comes no swaggerers here.
Fal. Dost thou hear? it is mine ancient.
Host. Tilly-fally, sir John, never tell me; your ancient swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before master Tisick, the deputy, the other day; and, as he said to me,it was no longer ago than Wednesday last,- Neighbour Quickly, says he ;-master Dumb, our minister, was by then:-Neighbour Quickly, says he, receive those that are civil; for, saith he, you are in an ill name;—now he said
I can tell whereupon; for, says he, you are an honest woman, and well thought on; therefore take heed what guests you receive : Receive, says he, no swaggering companions. There comes none here;you would bless you to hear what he said:-no, I'll no swaggerers.
Fal. He's no swaggerer, hostess; a tame cheater , he; you may stroke him as gentle as a puppy greyhound: he will not swagger with a Barbary hen, if her feathers turn back in any show of resistance. Call him up, drawer.
Host. Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest man my house, nor no cheater: But I do not love swaggering; by my troth, I am the worse, when one says-swagger: feel, masters, how I shake; look you, I warrant you.
Dol. So you do, hostess.
Host. Do I? yea, in very truth, do I, an 'twere an aspen leaf: I cannot abide swaggerers.
Enter PISTOL, BARDOLPH, and Page. Pist. 'Save
sir John! Fal. Welcome, ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you with a cup of sack: do you discharge upon mine hostess.
Pist. I will discharge upon her, sir John, with two bullets.
Fal. She is pistol-proof, sir; you shall hardly offend her.
Host. Come, I'll drink no proofs, nor no bullets; I'll drink no more than will do me good, for no man's pleasure, I.
Pist. Then to you, mistress Dorothy; I will charge you.
Dol. Charge me? I scorn you, scurvy companion. What! you poor, base, rascally, cheating,