The glimmering lamp of reason's ray
Was given to guide thy darksome way.
Why wilt thou spread thy insect wings,
And strive to reach sublimer things?
Thy doubts confess, thy blindness own,
Nor vex thy thoughts with scenes unknown.
Indulgent heaven to man below,

Hath all explain'd we need to know;
Hath clearly taught enough to prove
Content below, and bliss above.

Thy boastful wish how proud and vain,
While heaven forbids the vaunting strain!
For metaphysics rightly shown

But teach how little can be known:

Though quibbles still maintain their station, Conjecture serves for demonstration,

Armies of pens draw forth to fight,

And **** and **** write.

Oh! might I live to see that day,

When sense shall point to youths their way;
Through every maze of science guide;
O'er education's laws preside;

The good retain, with just discerning
Explode the quackeries of learning;

Give ancient arts their real due,

Explain their faults, and beauties too;
Teach where to imitate, and mend,

And point their uses and their end.
Then bright philosophy would shine,
And ethics teach the laws divine;
Our youths might learn each nobler art,
That shews a passage to the heart ;
From ancient languages well known
Transfuse new beauties to our own;
With taste and fancy well refin'd,
Where moral rapture warms the mind,
From schools dismiss'd, with lib'ral hand,
Spread useful learning o'er the land;
And bid the eastern world admire
Our rising worth, and bright'ning fire.

But while through fancy's realms we roam,

The main concern is left at home;
Return'd, our hero still we find

The same, as blundering and as blind.
Four years at college dozed away
In sleep, and slothfulness and play,
Too dull for vice, with clearest conscience,
Charged with no fault but that of nonsense,

And nonsense long, with serious air,
Has wander'd unmolested there,
He passes trial, fair and free,
And takes in form his first degree.

A scholar see him now commence
Without the aid of books or sense;
For passing college cures the brain,
Like mills to grind men young again.
The scholar-dress, that once array'd him,
The charm, Admitto te ad gradum,*
With touch of parchment can refine,
And make the veriest coxcomb shine,
Confer the gift of tongues at once,
And fill with sense the vacant dunce.
So kingly crowns contain quintessence
Of worship, dignity and presence;
Give learning, genius, virtue, worth,
Wit, valor, wisdom, and so forth;
Hide the bald pate, and cover o'er

The cap of folly worn before.

Our hero's wit and learning now may

Be proved by token of diploma,

* Admitto te ad gradum, I admit you to a degree; part of the words used in conferring the honours of college.

Of that diploma, which with speed
He learns to construe and to read;

And stalks abroad with conscious stride,
In all the airs of pedant pride,

With passport sign'd for wit and knowledge,
And current under seal of college.

Few months now past, he sees with pain
His purse as empty as his brain;
His father leaves him then to fate,
And throws him off, as useless weight;
But gives him good advice, to teach
A school at first and then to preach.
Thou reason'st well; it must be so;
For nothing else thy son can do.
As thieves of old, t' avoid the halter,
Took refuge in the holy altar;
Oft dulness flying from disgrace
Finds safety in that sacred place;
There boldly rears his head, or rests
Secure from ridicule or jests;

Where dreaded satire may not dare
Offend his wig's* extremest hair;

* A wig was then an essential part of the clerical dress. None appeared in the pulpit without it.

Where scripture sanctifies his strains,

And reverence hides the want of brains.

Next see our youth at school appear,
Procured for forty pounds a year ;
His ragged regiment round assemble,
Taught, not to read, but fear and tremble.
Before him, rods prepare his way,
Those dreaded antidotes to play.
Then throned aloft in elbow chair,
With solemn face and awful air,
He tries, with ease and unconcern,

To teach what ne'er himself could learn ;
Gives law and punishment alone,
Judge, jury, bailiff, all in one;

Holds all good learning must depend

Upon his rod's extremest end,

Whose great electric virtue's such,

Each genius brightens at the touch;

With threats and blows, incitements pressing,
Drives on his lads to learn each lesson;
Thinks flogging cures all moral ills,

And breaks their heads to break their wills.
The year is done; he takes his leave;
The children smile; the parents grieve;