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it was possible to recruit it. At last he cried, "He had luckily hit on a sure method; and though it would oblige him to return himself home together with Joseph, it mattered not much." He then sent for Tow-wouse, and taking him into another room, told him," He wanted to borrow three guineas, for which he would put ample security into his hands." Tow-wouse, who expected a watch, or ring, or something of double the value, answered, "He believed he could furnish him." Upon which Adams, pointing to his saddle-bag, told him, with a face and voice full of solemnity, "that there were in that bag no less than nine volumes of manuscript sermons, as well worth a hundred pound as a shilling was worth twelvepence, and that he would deposit one of the volumes in his hands by way of pledge; not doubting but that he would have the honesty to return it on his repayment of the money: for otherwise he must be a very great loser, seeing that every volume would at least bring ten pounds, as he had been informed by a neighbouring clergyman in the country: for," said he, " as to my own part, having never yet dealt in printing, I do not pretend to ascertain the exact value of such things." Tow-wouse, who was a little surprised at the pawn, said, (and not without some truth) "That he was no judge of the price of such kind of goods: and as for money, he really was very short." Adams answered, "Certainly he would not scruple to lend him three guineas on what was undoubtedly worth at least ten." The landlord replied," He did not believe he had so much money in the house, and besides he was to make up a sum: he was very confident the books were of much higher value, and heartily sorry it did not suit him." He then cried out, "Coming, sir!" though no body called; and ran down stairs without any fear of breaking his neck. Poor Adams was extremely dejected at this disappointment, nor knew he what farther stratagem to try. He immediately applied to his pipe, his constant friend and comfort in his afflictions; and, leaning over the rails, he devoted himself to meditation, assisted by the inspiring fumes of tobacco.

He had on a night-cap drawn over his wig, and a short great coat, which half covered his cassock; a dress which, added to something comical enough in his countenance, composed a figure likely to attract the eyes of those who were not over-given to observation.

Whilst he was smoaking his pipe in this posture, a coach and six, with a numerous attendance, drove into the inn. There alighted from the coach a young fellow and a brace of pointers, after which another young fellow leapt from the box, and shook the former by the hand; and both,

together with the dogs, were instantly conducted by Mr Tow-wouse into an apartment: whither as they passed, they entertained themselves with the following short facetious dialogue.

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"You are a pretty fellow for a coachman, Jack!" says he from the coach, 46 you had almost overturned us just now." "Pox take you,” says the coachman, " if I had only broke your neck, it would have been saving somebody else the trouble: but I should have been sorry for the pointers." "Why, you son of a b-," answered the other, "if nobody could shoot better than you, the pointers would be of no use." "D-n me," says the coachman, "I will shot with you, five guineas a-shot.' "You be hanged," says the other, "for five guineas you shall shoot at my a-' "Done," says the coachman, "I'll pepper you better than ever you was pepper'd by Jenny Bouncer." Pepper your grandmother," says the other, "here's Tow-wouse, will let you shoot at him for a shilling a-time." "I know his honour better," cries Tow-wouse, "I never saw a surer shot at a partridge. Every man misses now and then; but if I could shoot half as well as his honour, I would desire no better livelihood than I could get by my gun." "Pox on you," said the coachman," you demolish more game now than your head's worth. There's a bitch, Tow-wouse, by G-, she never blink'd a bird in her life." "I have a puppy not a year old shall hunt with her for a hundred," cries the other gentleman." "Done," says the coachman; "but you will be pox'd before you make the bett. If you have a-mind for a bett," cries the coachman, "I will match my spotted dog with your white bitch for a hundred, play or pay.' says the other," and I'll run Baldface against Slouch with you for another." "No," cries he from the box, "but I'll venture Miss Jenny against Baldface or Hannibal either." "Go to the devil," cries he from the coach, "I will make every bett your own way, to be sure! I will match Hannibal with Slouch for a thousand, if you dare, and I say done first."

"Done,"

They were now arrived, and the reader will be very contented to leave them, and repair to the kitchen, where Barnabas, the surgeon, and an exciseman, were smoaking their pipes over some cyder-and, and where the servants, who attended the two noble gentlemen we have just seen alight, were now arrived.

"Tom," cries one of the footmen, "there's Parson Adams smoaking his pipe in the gallery." "Yes," says Tom, "I pulled off my hat to him, and the parson spoke to me."

"Is the gentleman a clergyman then?" says Barnabas, (for his cassock had been tied up when he first arrived). "Yes, sir," answered the

* To blink, is a term used to signify the dog's passing by a bird, without pointing at it.

footman, "and one there be but few like." "Ay," said Barnabas, "if I had known it sooner, I should have desired his company; I would always shew a proper respect for the cloth: but what say you, doctor, shall we adjourn into a room, and invite him to take part of a bowl of punch ?"

This proposal was immediately agreed to, and executed; and Parson Adams accepting the invitation, much civility passed between the two clergymen, who both declared the great honour they had for the cloth. They had not been long together, before they entered into a discourse on small tithes, which continued a full hour, without the doctor or exciseman's having one opportunity to offer a word.

It was then proposed to begin a general conversation, and the exciseman opened on foreign affairs: but a word unluckily dropping from one of them, introduced a dissertation on the hardships suffered by the inferior clergy; which, after a long duration, concluded with bringing the nine volumes of sermons on the carpet.

Barnabas greatly discouraged poor Adams; he said, "the age was so wicked, that nobody read sermons: would you think it, Mr Adams, (said he) I once intended to print a volume of sermons myself, and they had the approbation of two or three bishops: but what do you think a bookseller offered me?" "Twelve guineas, perhaps," cried Adams. “Not twelve pence, I as→ sure you," answered Barnabas: " nay, the dog refused me a Concordance in exchange. At last I offered to give him the printing them, for the sake of dedicating them to that very gentleman who just now drove his own coach into the inn; and I assure you he had the impudence to refuse my offer: : by which means I lost a good living, that was afterwards given away in exchange for a pointer, to one who-but I will not say any thing against the cloth. So you may guess, Mr Adams, what you are to expect; for if sermons would have gone down, I believe-I will not be vain: but to be concise with you, three bishops said they were the best that ever were writ: but indeed there are a pretty moderate number printed already, and not all sold yet."-" Pray, Sir," said Adams," to what do you think the numbers may amount to?" "Sir," answered Barnabas," a bookseller told me he believed five thousand volumes at least." "Five thousand!" quoth the surgeon," what can they be writ upon? I remember, when I was a boy, I used to read one Tillotson's sermons; and I am sure, if a man practised half so much as is in one of these sermons, he will go to heaven." "Doctor," cried Barnabas, "you have a prophane way of talking, for which I must reprove you. A man can never have his duty too frequently inculcated into him. And as for Tillotson, to be sure he was a good writer, and said things very well: but comparisons are odious; another man may write as well as he-I believe there are some of my sermons"—

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and then he applied the candle to his pipe.→→ "And I believe there are some of my discourses," cried Adams, "which the bishops would not think totally unworthy of being printed; and I have been informed I might procure a very large sum (indeed an immense one) on them." doubt that," answered Barnabas; "however, if you desire to make some money of them, perhaps you may sell them by advertising the manuscript sermons of a clergyman lately deceased, all warranted originals, and never printed.-And now I think of it, I should be obliged to you, if there be ever a funeral one among them, to lend it me; for I am this very day to preach a funeral sermon; for which I have not penned a line, though I am to have a double price." Adams answered, "He had but one, which he feared would not serve his purpose, being sacred to the memory of a magistrate who had exerted himself very singularly in the preservation of the morality of his neighbours, insomuch that he had neither alehouse nor lewd woman in the parish where he lived."-"No," replied Barnabas, "that will not do quite so well: for the deceased, upon whose virtues I am to harangue, was a little too much addicted to liquor, and publicly kept a mistress. I believe I must take a common sermon, and trust to my memory to introduce something handsome on him."-" To your in vention rather," said the doctor; "your memory will be apter to put you out; for no man living remembers any good thing of him."

With such kind of spiritual discourse they emptied the bowl of punch, paid their reckoning, and separated: Adams and the doctor went up to Joseph, Parson Barnabas departed to celebrate the aforesaid deceased, and the exciseman descended into the cellar to gauge the vessels.

Joseph was now ready to sit down to a loin of mutton, and waited for Mr Adams, when he and the doctor came in. The doctor having felt his pulse, and examined his wounds, declared him much better, which he imputed to that sa native soporiferous draught, "a medicine, whose virtues," he said, "were never to be sufficiently extolled." And great indeed they must be, if Joseph was so much indebted to them as the doctor imagined; since nothing more than those effluvia, which escaped the cork, could have contributed to his recovery: for the medicine had stood untouched in the window ever since its arrival.

Joseph passed that day and the three following with his friend Adams, in which nothing so remarkable happened as the swift progress of his recovery. As he had an excellent habit of body, his wounds were now almost healed; and his bruises gave him so little uneasiness, that he pressed Mr Adams to let him depart, told him he should never be able to return sufficient thanks for all his favours; but begged that he might no longer delay his journey to London.

Adams, notwithstanding the ignorance, as he

conceived it, of Mr Tow-wouse, and the envy (for such he thought it) of Mr Barnabas, had great expectations from his sermons: seeing, therefore, Joseph in so good a way, he told him he would agree to his setting out the next morning in the stage-coach; that he believed he should have sufficient, after the reckoning paid, to procure him one day's conveyance in it, and afterwards he would be able to get on on foot, or might be favoured with a lift in some neighbour's waggon, especially as there was then to be a fair in the town whither the coach would carry him, to which numbers from his parish resorted. And as to himself, he agreed to proceed to the great city.

They were now walking in the inn-yard, when a fat, fair, short person rode in, and alighting from his horse, went directly up to Barnabas, who was smoaking his pipe on a bench. The parson and the stranger shook one another very lovingly by the hand, and went into a room together.

The evening now coming on, Joseph retired to his chamber, whither the good Adams accompanied him; and took this opportunity to expatiate on the great mercies God had lately shewn him, of which he ought not only to have the deepest inward sense, but likewise to express outward thankfulness for them. They therefore fell both on their knees, and spent a considerable time in prayer and thanksgiving.

They had just finished, when Betty came in and told Mr Adams, Mr Barnabas desired to speak to him on some business of consequence below stairs. Joseph desired, if it was likely to detain him long, he would let him know it, that he might go to bed; which Adams promised, and in that case, they wished one another good night.

CHAP. XVII.

A pleasant discourse between the two parsons and the bookseller, which was broke off by an unlucky accident happening in the inn, which produced a dialogue between Mrs Tow-wouse and her maid, of no gentle kind.

As soon as Adams came into the room, Mr Barnabas introduced him to the stranger, who was, he told him, a bookseller, and would be as likely to deal with him for his sermons as any man whatever. Adams, saluting the stranger, answered Barnabas, that he was very much obliged to him; that nothing could be more convenient; for he had no other business to the great city, and was heartily desirous of returning with the young man who was just recovered of his misfortune. He then snapt his fingers, (as was usual with him,) and took two or three turns about the room in an ecstacy.—And to induce the bookseller to be as expeditious as possible,

as likewise to offer him a better price for his commodity, he assured them their meeting was extremely lucky to himself: for that he had the most pressing occasion for money at that time, his own being almost spent, and having a friend then in the same inn who was just recovered from some wounds he had received from robbers, and was in a most indigent condition; "So that nothing," says he, "could be so opportune for the supplying both our necessities, as my making an immediate bargain with you."

As soon as he had seated himself, the stranger began in these words: "Sir, I do not care absolutely to deny engaging in what my friend Mr Barnabas recommends: but sermons are mere drugs. The trade is so vastly stocked with them, that really unless they come out with the name of Whitefield or Wesley, or some other such great man, as a bishop, or those sort of people, I don't care to touch, unless now it was a sermon preached on the 30th of January, or we could say in the title page, published at the earnest request of the congregation, or the inhabitants; but truly for a dry piece of sermons, I had rather be excused, especially as my hands are so full at present. However, sir, as Mr Barnabas mentioned them to me, I will, if you please, take the manuscript with me to town, and send you my opinion of it in a very short time."

"O," said Adams, "if you desire it, I will read two or three discourses as a specimen." This, Barnabas, who loved sermons no better than a grocer doth figs, immediately objected to, and advised Adams to let the bookseller have his sermons; telling him, if he gave him a direction, he might be certain of a speedy answer; adding, he need not scruple trusting them in his possession. "No," said the bookseller, "if it was a play that had been acted twenty nights together, I believe it would be safe."

Adams did not at all relish the last expression; he said, he was sorry to hear sermons compared to plays. "Not by me, I assure you," cried the bookseller, " though I don't know whether the licensing act may not shortly bring them to the same footing: but I have formerly known a hundred guineas given for a play."-" More shame for those who gave it," cried Barnabas. "Why so?" said the bookseller, for they got hundreds by it." "But is there no difference between conveying good or ill instructions to mankind?" said Adams: "would not an honest mind rather lose money by the one, than gain it by the other?" "If you can find any such, I will not be their hinderance," answered the bookseller; "but I think those persons who get by preaching sermons, are the properest to lose by printing them: for my part, the copy that sells best, will be always the best copy in my opinion; I am no enemy to sermons, but because they don't sell; for I would as soon print one of Whitefield's, as any farce whatever."

"Whoever prints such heterodox stuff ought to be hanged," says Barnabas. "Sir," said he, turning to Adams, "this fellow's writings (I know not whether you have seen them,) are levelled at the clergy. He would reduce us to the example of the primitive ages, forsooth! and would insinuate to the people that a clergyman ought to be always preaching and praying. He pretends to understand the scripture literally, and would make mankind believe, that the poverty and low estate which was recommended to the church in its infancy, and was only a temporary doctrine adapted to her under persecution, was to be preserved in her flourishing and established state. Sir, the principles of Toland, Woolaston, and all the free-thinkers, are not calculated to do half the mischief, as those professed by this fellow and his followers."

"Sir," answered Adams, "if Mr Whitefield had carried this doctrine no farther than you mention, I should have remained, as I once was, his well-wisher. I am myself as great an enemy to the luxury and splendour of the clergy as he can be. I do not, more than he, by the flourishing estate of the church, understand the palaces, equipages, dress, furniture, rich dainties, and vast fortunes of her ministers. Surely those things, which savour so strongly of this world, become not the servants of one who professed his kingdom was not of it: but when he began to call nonsense and enthusiasm to his aid, and set up the detestable doctrine of faith against good works, I was his friend no longer; for surely that doctrine was coined in hell, and one would think none but the devil himself could have the confidence to preach it. For can any thing be more derogatory to the honour of God, than for men to imagine that the all-wise Being will hereafter say to the good and virtuous, 'notwithstanding the purity of thy life, notwithstanding that constant rule of virtue and goodness in which you have walked upon earth, still, as thou didst not believe every thing in the true orthodox manner, thy want of faith shall condemn thee?' Or, on the other side, can any doctrine have a more pernicious influence on society than a persuasion, that it will be a good plea for the villain at the last day, 'Lord, it is true, I never obeyed one of thy commands; yet punish me not, for I believe them all?"""I suppose, sir," said the bookseller, "your sermons are of a different kind." "Ay, sir," said Adams, "the contrary, I thank heaven, is inculcated in almost every page, or I should belie my own opinion, which hath always been, that a virtuous and good Turk, or heathen, are more acceptable in the sight of their Creator than a vicious and wicked Christian, though his faith was as perfectly orthodox as St Paul's himself."-"I wish you success," says the bookseller, "but must beg to be excused, as my hands are so very full at present; and indeed I am afraid you will find a backwardness in the trade to engage in a book

which the clergy would be certain to cry down." "God forbid," says Adams, "any books should be propagated which the clergy would cry down: but if you mean by the clergy some few designing factious men, who have it at heart to establish some favourite schemes at the price of the liberty of mankind, and the very essence of religion, it is not in the power of such persons to decry any book they please; witness that excellent book called, ‘A Plain Account of the Nature and End of the Sacrament;' a book written (if I may venture on the expression) with the pen of an angel, and calculated to restore the true use of Christianity, and of that sacred institution; for what could tend more to the noble purposes of religion, than frequent cheerful meetings among the members of a society, in which they should, in the presence of one another, and in the service of the Supreme Being, make promises of being good, friendly, and benevolent to each other? Now this excellent book was attacked by a party, but unsuccessfully." At these words Barnabas fell a ringing with all the violence imaginable; upon which a servant attending, he bid him "bring a bill immediately, for that he was in company, for aught he knew, with the devil himself; and he expected to hear the Alcoran, the Leviathan, or Woolaston commended, if he staid a few minutes longer." Adams desired, "as he was so much moved at his mentioning a book, which he did without apprehending any possibility of offence, that he would be so kind to propose any objections he had to it, which he would endeavour to answer." "I propose objections!" said Barnabas; "I never read a syllable in any such wicked book; I never saw it in my life, I assure you."- -Adams was going to answer, when a most hideous uproar began in the inn, Mrs Tow-wouse, Mr Towwouse, and Betty, all lifting up their voices together: but Mrs Tow-wouse's voice, like a bass viol in a concert, was clearly and distinctly distinguished among the rest, and was heard to articulate the following sounds,-"O you damn'd villain, is this the return to all the care I have taken of your family? this the reward of my virtue? is this the manner in which you behave to one who brought you a fortune, and preferred you to so many matches, all your betters? to abuse my bed, my own bed, with my own servant: but I'll maul the slut, I'll tear her nasty eyes out. Was ever such a pitiful dog, to take up with such a mean trollop? If she had been a gentlewoman like myself, it had been some excuse; but a beggarly saucy dirty servant maid! Get you out of my house, you whore!" To which she added another name, which we do not care to stain our paper with. It was a monosyllable beginning with a b, and indeed was the same as if she had pronounced the words, she-dog. Which term we shall, to avoid offence, use on this occasion, though, indeed, both the mistress and maid uttered the above-mentioned

b, a word extremely disgustful to females of the lower sort. Betty had borne all hitherto with patience, and had uttered only lamentations; but the last appellation stung her to the quick. "I am a woman as well as yourself," she roared out, "and no she-dog, and if I have been a little naughty, I am not the first; if I have been no better than I should be," cries she sobbing, "that's no reason you should call me out of my name; my be-betters are wo-rse than me." "Hussey, hussey," says Mrs Tow-wouse, "have you the impudence to answer me? Did I not catch you, you saucy," and then again repeated the terrible word so odious to female ears. "I can't bear that name," answered Betty:" if I have been wicked, I am to answer for it myself in the other world; but I have done nothing that's unnatural; and I will go out of your house this moment, for I will never be called she-dog by any mistress in England." Mrs Tow-wouse then armed herself with the spit, but was prevented from executing any dreadful purpose by Mr Adams, who confined her arms with the strength of a wrist which Hercules would not have been ashamed of. Mr Tow-wouse being caught, as our lawyers express it, with the manner, and having no defence to make, very prudently withdrew himself, and Betty committed herself to the protection of the hostler, who, though she could not conceive him pleased with what had happened, was, in her opinion, rather a gentler beast than her mistress. Mrs Tow-wouse, at the intercession of Mr Adams, and finding the enemy vanished, began to compose herself, and at length recovered the usual serenity of her temper; in which we will leave her, to open to the reader the steps which led to a catastrophe, common enough, and comical enough too, perhaps in modern history, yet often fatal to the repose and well-being of families, and the subject of many tragedies, both in life, and on the stage.

CHAP. XVIII.

The history of Betty the chambermaid, and an account of what occasioned the violent scene in the preceding chapter.

BETTY, who was the occasion of all this hurry, had some good qualities. She had good nature, generosity, and compassion; but, unfortunately, her constitution was composed of those warm ingredients, which, though the purity of courts or nunneries might have happily controlled them, were by no means enabled to endure the ticklish situation of a chambermaid at an inn, who is daily liable to the solicitations of lovers of all complexions, to the dangerous addresses of fine gentlemen of the army, who sometimes are obliged to reside with them a whole year together; and, above all, are exposed to the

caresses of footmen, stage-coachmen, and drawers; all of whom employ the whole artillery of kissing, flattering, bribing, and every other weapon which is to be found in the whole armoury of love, against them.

Betty, who was but one-and-twenty, had now lived three years in this dangerous situation, during which she had escaped pretty well. An ensign of foot was the first person who made an impression on her heart; he did indeed raise a flame in her which required the care of a surgeon to cool.

While she burnt for him, several others burnt for her. Officers of the army, young gentlemen travelling the western circuit, inoffensive squires, and some of graver character, were set afire by her charms!

At length having perfectly recovered the effects of her first unhappy passion, she seemed to have vowed a state of perpetual chastity. She was long deaf to all the sufferings of her lovers; till one day, at a neighbouring fair, the rhetoric of John the hostler, with a new straw hat, and a pint of wine, made a second conquest over her.

She did not, however, feel any of those flames on this occasion, which had been the consequence of her former amour; nor indeed those other ill effects, which prudent young women very justly apprehend from too absolute an indulgence to the pressing endearments of their lo vers. This latter, perhaps, was a little owing to her not being entirely constant to John, with whom she permitted Tom Whipwell the stagecoachman, and now and then a handsome young traveller, to share her favours.

Mr Tow-wouse had for some time cast the languishing eyes of affection on this young maiden. He had laid hold of every opportunity of saying tender things to her, squeezing her by the hand, and sometimes kissing her lips: for as the violence of his passion had considerably abated to Mrs Tow-wouse, so, like water, which is stopt from its usual current in one place, it naturally sought a vent in another. Mrs Tow-wouse is thought to have perceived this abatement, and probably it added very little to the natural sweetness of her temper; for though she was as true to her husband as the dial to the sun, she was rather more desirous of being shone on, as being more capable of feeling his warmth.

Ever since Joseph's arrival, Betty had conceived an extraordinary liking to him, which discovered itself more and more, as he grew better and better; till that fatal evening, when, as she was warming his bed, her passion grew to such a height, and so perfectly mastered both her modesty and her reason, that, after many fruitless hints and sly insinuations, she at last threw down the warming-pan, and embracing him with great eagerness, swore he was the handsomest creature she had ever seen.

Joseph, in great confusion, leaped from her,

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