"Having said so much upon the general nature of what should only be regarded as evidence to ground charges on, I must be permitted to make a few remarks on the singular facts which have been deposed to by the reverend dignitaries who have made them—namely, that whoever it was that got into this garden of exotics-if, indeed, he existed anywhere but in the minds and imaginations of the reverend gentlemen-yet in no instance of the many strange, and I may say ludicrous circumstances which are stated to have taken place, was the face-that great indicator of individuality which seems to have been formed by Nature with that wonderful diversity which pervades it, for the very purpose-in no instance is it stated to have been seen.

"In reference, then, in the first instance, to the transaction stated to have taken place between the Reverend the Dean and this mysterious existence, which got into the garden and out again, nobody knows how, and came from, and went nobody knows where, I am disposed to think it was a hallucination of the Reverend Doctor's mind, to which we know learned men are especially subject; and that it was a deceptio visûs I am the more disposed to believe, for when he returned into the garden with his auxiliary, it had disappeared, and the sole vision he beheld was the respected Vice-Provost bearing down on him, throwing out his legs before him, and be

labouring himself with his own argumentum baculinum, to urge himself on; for the latter Reverend Doctor admits that having, no more than the Dean's phantasm, retrospective organs, he never got a view of his, what I must call, imaginary propeller either. I am therefore disposed, as in the former case, to attribute it to a cerebral creation of some imagined monster Hippopotamus, resulting from the effects of intense study. But I am willing to admit that the evidence in his case is much stronger than in that of the Dean; for whereas 'seeing,' we are told, is 'believing,' yet 'feeling has no fellow;' though I am far from asserting that the converse of this proposition is equally true, and that a Fellow has no feeling, for I am perfectly convinced the reverend dignitary only states what at least he imagines he felt, created possibly by his own self-flagellation."

The individual alluded to here rose and protested in terms of strong indignation, not only at the insulting terms, but the ironical tone which the accused person thought proper to assume, so derogatory to him and insulting to the Board; and he was warned that if continued in, he would be removed from the board-room, and the decision come to without further delay; though there were some there-the Provost himself among the number—who were supposed to enjoy the rambling defence made, exceedingly.

Doctor Prior, the Bursar, also rose, and expressed his indignation at the contumacious tone assumed by the accused student, telling him that any presumptions that existed against him arose from his own antecedent conduct throughout his course, and his well-known predilection for such mischievous infractions of the rules of the University.

"Far be it from me," continued the accused, "to treat the reverend dignitaries with aught but the respect which their high positions and personal worth demand. The Reverend the Vice-Provost is known to be, I may say, the most upright man in the University, and as for the Reverend the Dean, he is equally known as the Arbiter elegantiarum, teres atque rotundus of the College. I must be permitted," he said in conclusion, "to request the Board not to suffer themselves to be swayed either by the à priori arguments of the Reverend the Bursar, nor by the à posteriori ones of the Reverend the ViceProvost."

The Board then proceeded to the investigation of the next charge, for an assault on the porter, and the upsetting and smashing of the box.

After the porter had given his evidence, Dominie Quaille was called on to state what he knew of the matter. The Dominie was a tall, jaundiced-looking person, who never was known

to laugh. He was the very reverse of his brother Dominie; they were called the "Heraclitus" and "Democritus" of the University. After his evidence had been given, the accused person proceeded to put some questions to him. "Pray, Mr. Quaille, what is your Christian

แ

name ?"

"Ebenezer," was the reply.

"Pray, doesn't that name very strongly resemble Nebuchadnezzar in sound?"

"It may," was the reply.

"Pray, were you ever in the Fellows' garden?" "I have, in company with a Fellow." "Pray, did you ever eat grass there?"

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No, nor anywhere else.”

"Pray, were you, Mr. Quaille, ever out on a lark?"

"What do you mean by a lark?"

"Such," said the cross-examiner, "as carrying off watchmen's poles and rattles, upsetting a watch-box on a sleeping porter, or the like.”

"I never was concerned in such disgraceful outrages," was the reply.

"I shall not trouble you any more."

The next evidence was Dominie Patrick Crowe; after he had deposed to the facts,

"Pray, Dominie Crowe," said the cross-examiner, "did you ever take a flight over the library?"

"No, sir," said the witness, "I am not of so flighty a nature as some of my acquaintances."

Meaning me, I presume," said the other. "I must certainly admit, Dominie, that I have taken a range far above your own head; for if I have not been over Patrick Crowe, I have been over Croagh Patrick. But let me ask you, Dominie, the same question I asked your worthy compeer-Were you ever out on a lark?"

"I really," replied the witness, "must be excused answering questions irrelevant to the subject before the Board."

The accused person was again reminded to confine himself to the matter charged against him, and to refrain from striving to inculpate others.

"The worthy Dominie," he observed in reply, "has stated that his windows were assailed by loud batterings, and surely if I can show that he himself in his early days was one of those 'protervi juvenes,' whom our favourite classic author describes as, in his time, those who 'junctas quatiunt fenestras ictibus crebris,' it is not irrelevant; but as the Dominie refuses to enlighten us on the matter, I shall not press it; merely observing, from the testimony of the author I have referred to, that the fraternity of larkers to which his silence seems to intimate that he in his early days belonged, ranks only next to that of Freemasons in antiquity.

"I must conclude my defence as to any par