ACT II.

SCENE I. The Public Sty.

The Boars in full Assembly.

Enter PYRGANAX.

Pyrganax. Grant me your patience, Gentlemen and Boars, Ye by whose patience under public burthens

The glorious constitution of these sties

Subsists, and shall subsist. The Lean-pig rates
Grow with the growing populace of Swine;
The taxes, that true source of piggishness
(How can I find a more appropriate term
To include religion, morals, peace, and plenty,
And all that fit Boeotia as a nation

To teach the other nations how to live?)
Increase with piggishness itself; and still
Does the revenue, that great spring of all
The patronage and pensions and by-payments
Which freeborn pigs regard with jealous eyes,
Diminish; till at length, by glorious steps,
All the land's produce will be merged in taxes,
And the revenue will amount to--nothing!
The failure of a foreign market for
Sausages, bristles, and blood-puddings,
And such home manufactures, is but partial;
And that the population of the Pigs,
Instead of hog-wash, has been fed on straw
And water, is a fact which is-you know-
That is it is a state necessity-

Temporary, of course. Those impious Pigs
Who have, by frequent squeaks, dared to impugn
The settled Swellfoot system, or to make
Irreverent mockery of the genuflexions

Inculcated by the Arch-priest, have been whipped
Into a loyal and an orthodox whine.

Things being in this happy state, the Queen

Iona

A loud cry from the Pigs. She is innocent! most innocent! Pyrganax. That is the very thing that I was saying,

Gentlemen Swine. The Queen Iona, being

Most innocent, no doubt, returns to Thebes,
And the lean Sows and Boars collect about her,
Wishing to make her think that we believe
(I mean those more substantial Pigs who swill
Rich hog-wash while the others mouth damp straw)
That she is guilty. Thus the Lean-pig faction
Seeks to obtain that hog-wash which has been
Your immemorial right, and which I will
Maintain you in to the last drop of-

A Boar (interrupting him).

Does any one accuse her of?

What

Pyrganax.

Why, no one

Makes any positive accusation. But

There were hints dropped; and so the privy wizards
Conceived that it became them to advise
His Majesty to investigate their truth.
Not for his own sake; he could be content
To let his wife play any pranks she pleased,
If by that sufferance he could please the Pigs;
But then he fears the morals of the Swine,
The Sows especially, and what effect
It might produce upon the purity and
Religion of the rising generation

Of Sucking Pigs, if it could be suspected
That Queen Iona —

First Boar.

Well, go on; we long

To hear what she can possibly have done.

Pyrganax. Why, it is hinted that a certain Bull

Thus much is known:-The milk-white Bulls that feed

Beside Clitumnus and the crystal lakes

Of the Cisalpine mountains, in fresh dews

Of lotus-grass and blossoming asphodel

Sleeking their silken hair, and with sweet breath

Loading the morning winds until they faint

With living fragrance, are so beautiful!-
Well, I say nothing;-but Europa rode
On such a one from Asia into Crete,
And the enamoured sea grew calm beneath
His gliding beauty; and Pasiphae,

Iona's grandmother,- -but she is innocent!
And that both you and I and all assert.

First Boar. Most innocent!

Pyrganax.

[A pause.

Behold this Bag; a bag

Second Boar. Oh! no Green Bags! Jealousy's eyes are green, Scorpions are green, and water-snakes and efts,

And verdigris, and

Pyrganax.
Honourable Swine,
In piggish souls can prepossessions reign?
Allow me to remind you, grass is green-
All flesh is grass-no bacon but is flesh-
Ye are but bacon. This divining Bag
(Which is not green, but only bacon-colour)
Is filled with liquor which, if sprinkled o'er
A woman guilty of-we all know what-
Makes her so hideous, till she finds one blind,
She never can commit the like again.

If innocent, she will turn into an angel,
And rain down blessings in the shape of comfits
As she flies up to heaven. Now, my proposal
Is to convert her sacred Majesty
Into an angel (as I am sure we shall do)
By pouring on her head this mystic water.

[Showing the Bag.

I know that she is innocent; I wish
Only to prove her so to all the world.

First Boar. Excellent, just, and noble Pyrganax !
Second Boar. How glorious it will be to see her Majesty
Flying above our heads, her petticoats

Streaming like-like-like

Third Boar
Pyrganax.

Anything.

Oh no!

But like a standard of an admiral's ship,
Or like the banner of a conquering host,
Or like a cloud dyed in the dying day,

Unravelled on the blast from a white mountain;
Or like a meteor, or a war-steed's mane,

Or waterfall from a dizzy precipice

Scattered upon the wind.

First Boar.

Or a cow's tail,

Second Boar. Or anything, as the learned Boar observed.
Pyrganax. Gentlemen Boars, I move a resolution—

That her most sacred Majesty should be

Invited to attend the feast of Famine,

And to receive upon her chaste white body
Dews of apotheosis from this Bag.

[A great confusion is heard of the Pigs out of Doors, which communicates itself to those within. During the first Strophe, the doors of the Sty are staved in, and a number of exceedingly lean Pigs and Sows and Boars rush in.

Porkers, we shall lose our wash,

Or must share it with the Lean Pigs!

FIRST BOAR.

Order! order! be not rash!

Was there ever such a scene, Pigs!
AN OLD SOW (rushing in).

I never saw so fine a dash

Since I first began to wean Pigs.

SECOND BOAR (solemnly).

The Queen will be an angel time enough.

I vote, in form of an amendment, that
Pyrganax rub a little of that stuff
Upon his face-
Pyrganax.

[His heart is seen to beat through his waistcoat.
Gods! What would ye be at?

SEMICHORUS I.

Pyrganax has plainly shown a
Cloven foot and jackdaw feather.

SEMICHORUS II.

I vote Swellfoot and Iona

Try the magic test together;
Whenever royal spouses bicker,
Both should try the magic liquor.

AN OLD BOAR (aside).

A miserable state is that of Pigs ;

For, if their drivers would tear caps and wigs,
The Swine must bite each other's ear therefore.

AN OLD SOW (aside).

A wretched lot Jove has assigned to Swine;
Squabbling makes Pig-herds hungry, and they dine
On bacon, and whip Sucking Pigs the more.
CHORUS.

Hog-wash has been ta'en away :

If the Bull-Queen is divested,

We shall be in every way

Hunted, stripped, exposed, molested;
Let us do whate'er we may

That she shall not be arrested.

Queen, we entrench you with walls of brawn,

And palisades of tusks sharp as a bayonet.
Place your most sacred person here: we pawn
Our lives that none a finger dare to lay on it.
Those who wrong you wrong us;

Those who hate you hate us;
Those who sting you sting us;

Those who bait you bait us.

The oracle is now about to be

Fulfilled by circumvolving destiny—

Which says: "Thebes, choose reform or civil war,
When through your streets, instead of hare with dogs,
A Consort-Queen shall hunt a King with Hogs,
Riding upon the Ionian Minotaur.

Enter IONA Taurina.

lona Taurina (coming forward).

gentle Lady Pigs,

The tender heart of every Boar acquits
Their Queen of any act incongruous

Gentlemen Swine and

With native piggishness; and she, reposing
With confidence upon the grunting nation,
Has thrown herself, her cause, her life, her all,
Her innocence, into their hoggish arms;
Nor has the expectation been deceived

Of finding shelter there. Yet know, great Boars,
For such whoever lives among you finds you,

And so do I) the innocent are proud!
I have accepted your protection only
In compliment of your kind love and care,
Not for necessity. The innocent

Are safest there where trials and dangers wait;
Innocent queens o'er white-hot ploughshares tread,
Unsinged; and ladies (Erin's laureate sings it)
Decked with rare gems and beauty rarer still
Walked from Killarney to the Giant's Causeway,
Through rebels, smugglers, troops of yeomanry,
White-boys and Orange-boys and constables,
Tithe-proctors and excise people, uninjured!
Thus I -

Lord Pyrganax, I do commit myself
Into your custody, and am prepared

To stand the test, whatever it may be.

Pyrganax. This magnanimity in your sacred Majesty Must please the Pigs. You cannot fail of being

A heavenly angel.-Smoke your bits of glass,

Ye loyal Swine, or her transfiguration

Will blind your wondering eyes.

An Old Boar (aside).
They do not smoke you first.
Pyrganax.

Of Famine, let the expiation be.
Swine. Content! content!
Iona Taurina (aside).

Take care, my lord,

At the approaching feast

I, most content of all,

Know that my foes even thus prepare their fall!

[Exeunt omnes.

SCENE II.-The interior of the Temple of FAMINE. The statue of the Goddess, a skeleton clothed in party-coloured rags, seated upon a heap of skulls and loaves intermingled. A number of exceedingly fat Priests in black garments arrayed on each side; Court Porkmen with marrow-bones and cleavers in their hands. A flourish of trumpets.

Enter MAMMON as Arch-priest, SWELLFOOT, DAKRY, PYRGANAX, LAOCTONOS, followed by IONA TAURINA guarded.

other side enter the Swine.

CHORUS OF PRIESTS,

On the

Accompanied by the Court Porkmen on marrow-bones and cleavers.

Goddess bare and gaunt and pale,

Empress of the World, all hail!

What though Cretans old called thee

City-crested Cybele?

We call thee Famine !

Goddess of fasts and feasts, starving and cramming!

Through thee, for emperors, kings, and priests, and lords,

Who rule by viziers, sceptres, bank-notes, words,