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So Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of


While chief baron Ear sat to balance the laws,

So fam'd for his talent in nicely discerning.

In behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear,
And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly


That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear, Which amounts to possession time out of mind.

Then holding the spectacles up to the courtYour lordship observes they are made with a straddle,

As wide as the ridge of the Nose is; in short,
Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle,

Again, would your lordship a moment suppose ('Tis a case that has happen'd, and may be again)

That the visage or countenance had not a Nose. Pray who would, or who could wear spectacles then?

On the whole it appears, and my argument shows, With a reasoning, the court will never condemn,

That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose,

And the Nose was as plainly intended for them.

When shifting his side, (as a lawyer knows how) He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes:

But what were his arguments few people know, For the court did not think they were equally


So his lordship decreed with a grave solemn tone, Decisive and clear, without one if or but-That, whenever the Nose put his spectacles on, By day-light, or candle-light-Eyes should be shut!


Cocking his tail, a saucy prig,
A magpye hopp'd upon a pig,

To pull some hair, forsooth, to line his nest;
And with such ease began his hair attack,
As thinking the fee-simple of the back
Was by himself, and not the pig, possest.

The boar look'd up, as thunder black, to Mag, Who, squinting down on him, like an arch wag, Inform'd Mynheer some bristles must be torn ; Then busy went to work, not nicely culling; Got a good handsome beakful by good pulling, And flew, without a thank ye, to his thorn.

The pig set up a dismal yelling;
Follow'd the robber to his dwelling,

Who, like a fool, had built it 'midst a bramble:
In, manfully, he sallied, full of might,
Determin'd to obtain his right,

And 'mid the bushes now began to scramble.

He drove the magpye, tore his nest to rags, And, happy on the downfall, pour'd his brags: But ere he from the bramble came, alack! His cars and eyes, were miserably torn, His bleeding hide in such a plight forlorn, He could not count ten hairs upon his back.


Thus says the prophet of the Turk :
Good Mussulman, abstain from pork ;
There is a part in ev'ry swine

No friend or follower of mine
May taste, whate'er his inclination,
On pain of excommunication.

Such Mahomet's mysterious charge,
And thus he left the point at large.
Had he the sinful part exprest,
They might with safety eat the rest:

But for one piece they thought it hard
From the whole hog to be debar'd;
And set their wit at work to find

What joint the prophet had in mind.
Much controversy straight arose :
These choose the back, the belly those;
By some 'tis confidently said

He meant not to forbid the head;
While others at that doctrine rail,
And piously prefer the tail.

Thus conscience freed from ev'ry clog,
Mahometan's eat up the hog.

You laugh-tis well-the tale applied
May make you laugh on t'other side.
"Renounce the world,"-the preacher cries:
"We do❞—a multitude replies.

While one as innocent regards

A snug and friendly game at cards;

And one, whatever you may say,

Can see no evil in a play;

Some love a concert, or a race,

And others shooting, and the chase.
Revil'd and lov'd, renown'd and follow'd,
Thus bit by bit the world is swallow'd;
Each thinks his neighbour makes too free,
Yet likes a slice as well as he :
With sophistry their sauce they sweeten,
'Till quite from tail to snout 'tis eaten.


Fortune! for thee whilst others sigh,

And some more loudly prayWelcome to pass my mansion by I ask thee not to stay.

Or rais'd above or sunk below
This station can I tell,
Whether the better I shall grow
Or whether act so well?

Too rich, and trusting in my might,
No want of God I feel;

Too poor, against my sense of right,
Dishonour him and steal.

Be wealth a blessing or a curse
Then fortune let me rest;

Nor change for better or for worse,
In middle station blest.

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