CHAP. VIII.

Trials and exercises he paffed through. Exhorta tions. A profpect of visiting the Southern States. Preparatory exercifes-proceeds in the vifit.

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FTER I got home from Pennsylvania, I travelled through many heights and depths in my own mind, for about two years, and feemed to be the nearest losing all faith and hope in God, that I ever remembered to have experienced. Oh! none knows, but the Lord alone, the fulness of that bitterness of foul which I had to endure! it was beyond all trials I ever had known, and through which I did not always abide fufficiently on the watch-tower, in ftrict patience, refignation, and confidence in him, who never yet has failed me when I have rightly trufted in him; but when I have thrown afide my fhield, and loft fight of my armour; Oh, my foul, thou only art fully fenfible of the darkness and defolation into which thou haft been plunged!-but magnified over all for ever be the great name of the Lord! he did not leave me, nor forfake me; but after pouring out into cup large draughts of wormwood mingled with gall, was graciously pleafed (having thus reduced my foul, for the prefent at least, to perfect refignation) to lift up the light of his countenance upon me, in a marvellous and heart confolating manner. Oh, thou traveller Sion-ward, whenever thou art tried with a deep and inward fenfe of God's prefence being withdrawn from thee, have a care, yea a reverential care on thy fpirit, that thou caft not away thy fhield. It is indeed a great thing to keep the faith at such seasons.-Paul kept it, and had to rejoice in it near his final, folemn clofe+ I have 'fought

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2 Tim. iv. 7.

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fought a good fight-I have kept the faith;' but had he not kept the faith, he could not have fought the good fight, for it is only in the faith, that any of our exercises can please God or benefit our own fouls, or others-all the willings, runnings, and actings out of the true and living faith, do but run us further from that state wherein alone our true happiness and advancement confifts; that state wherein God is all in all'-and this state we must come to, fooner or later, or we can never know the fulness of the true chriftian life. Have a constant watchful care, Oh exercised pilgrim, that thou feek not for eafe before the Lord's time-endure the turnings of his hand upon thee; and if the enemy of thy foul prefent any outward delight or gratification, of whatever kind; fee that thou embrace not his temptations, however pleafing, or artfully prefented and infinuated-the very fling of death is in it, if thou yield unto it; and although thou mayeft, for thy trial and proving, be left almost destitute of all fenfe of good, and have scarce a grain of faith remaining; yet though in this extremely depreffed fituation, thou mayeft be ready to believe it will be of little or no advantage to ftrive any longer against fin; ready to fay it is all in vain, and perhaps ready to conclude in a dark moment, it will be no evil for thee to give way, to take a degree of delight in forbidden things; yet I warn thee, in the fear and dread of the living God, touch not with the temptations of the feducer of fouls. Flee, flee for thy life! flee from fin as from a ferpent: if thou tampereft with it, though thou meaneft not to yield, thou art in imminent danger; and if thou lifteneft, thou mayeft, contrary to thy intentions, go near to the borders of deftruction; and if thou shouldft unhappily yield and furrender, thy peace with God would be broken, and every evil thing that thus gets in by confent, muft (if ever thou knoweft thy peace

again reftored) be caft out, by thy fuffering inexpreffibly more than all the delight or enjoyment which fuch a falfe gratification can poffibly bring with it-O, therefore, ftand firm, keep on the watch-tower, refift unto blood, ftriving against fin, and that in the faith, true and living faith, for it is that which gives the victory; and though it seems almost gone, or appears as fmall as a grain of muftard-feed, yet if thou caft not away thy confidence, but art rightly engaged to keep the faith, it will enable thee to fight the good fight,' and to say to thefe mountains, of oppofition, temptation, and befetment, be removed and caft into the fea, and it fhall be done.'* Remember Him who endured all Satan's allurements and temptations; who though he even fafted forty days in the wilderness, a state of defolation and trial, yet he ftood firm-he ate nothing; he yielded not to any of the enemy's propofals, but bravely repulfed him in them all.Sing, O ye heavens ! he overcame and led captivity captive. And after this dreadful conflict was over, the holy angels miniftered unto him. So it is, has been, and will be, with all his, as they ftand firm in the faith and patience of the faints; eating nothing, taking in nothing of the enemy's alluring prefentations. God's grace ever was, and ever will be fufficient for all thefe, under every trial, temptation, and befetment. Let Satan rage, let his meffenger, the thorn in the flesh (however operating-in what way or thing foever infinuating) do its worft; if the foul keeps on its armour, and dwells in the patient watch and warfare, the victory is certain, the holy promise cannot fail. Because thou haft kept the word of my patience, I also 'will keep thee from the hour of temptation, that 'fhall come upon all the world, to try them that dwell upon the earth'-this is thy hour of trial-the very hour and power of darkness-but

* Mat. xxi. 21.

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ftand ftill and fee the falvation of the Lord:* let not in the temptation-give not way to carnal reafonings, or confulations with flesh and blood; and, however fevere the combat, thou wilt indeed be kept, and God will bruife Satan under thee, yea bruife his very head, and make thee more than a conqueror. The angel of his holy prefence will indeed minifter unto thee-thou shalt be greatly trengthened, and verily thou fhalt be fed, and that with food convenient for thee. Thy joy fhall be ⚫ full, and no man, nay, nor evil fpirit, fhall be able to take it from thee, or to pluck thee out of thy heavenly Father's hand.'+ O, the unspeakable confolation, and fulness of divine confirmation, which my poor foul has received after seasons of almoft inexpreffible conflict and befetment, when I have abode in the true patience, kept the faith, and fo fought the good fight! Eye hath not feen indeed, nor ear heard, nor the heart conceived, while in a natural ftate, the joy and confolation which God pours into the fouls which love him, and through all tribulations, keep the word of his patience. O, there is abundant encouragement to ftand firm through all; yea even to prefs through every crowd of temptation, to touch that which has the healing, faving, and preferving virtue in it.Trials thou wilt have, this hour of temptation will indeed come upon all the world: none ever were exempt from a feafon or feafons of probation and conflict-and it is in order to try them that dwell upon the earth.'

O my God, thou haft done much for my foul -thou haft redeemed me through judgment, and brought me forth to fee the light rejoicing-be pleased, if it be thy holy will, ftill to carry on thy work in me, until all that is offenfive to the purity of

* Exod. xiv. 13.

↑ John. 10. 29.

of thy holiness be confumed-until my will becomes wholly conformable to thy will, even fo, amen!

1788. Having thus paffed through fome very trying feasons, the Lord was pleafed to lay it upon me to make a vifit to Friends and others in the fouthern states, to fympathize with the fuffering feed, and endeavour, as ability might be given, to ftir up the pure mind in my fellow men, by perfuading them to feek an increafing acquaintance with God, the only fource of all fure confolation. This brought me under clofe trial, and at times I had many reafonings and difcouraging confiderations, with fears about a fubfiftence for my family; for although I could ever fay in that refpect, as well as in fpiritual things, hitherto the Lord hath helped us, yet it often looked almoft impoffible to me that they should be in any comfortable degree provided for, if I gave up to be fo much from home and out of business; but the holy injunction was fo often, fo clearly repeated, that I durft not refuse obedience to it. So after many and various conflicts, my foul bowed before him in a view of his omnipotence, omniscience, and unbounded goodness, I was enabled to give up, and cafting my care upon him, in regard both to temporals and fpirituals, I faid in my heart, here am I, fend me;'t fend me, O holy Father, wherever thou pleasest, I refufe not to follow thee into any corner of the earth-only do thou but go with me and fupport me. My life, my ftrength, and the length of my days, I devote to thy fervice-my family I refign to thy holy care and keeping-to thee I dedicate them. O, may thou watch over and preferve them!

At this furrender of all things, I felt the light of heaven to fill my foul; it fhined in me and round about me, above the brightness of the fun indeed, and

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* I Sam, vii. 12.

† Ifai. vi, 8.