Whate'er the crabbed'st author hath,
He understood b' implicit faith :
Whatever sceptic could inquire for,
For ev'ry why he had a wherefore:
Knew more than forty of them do,
As far as words and terms could go.
All which he understood by rote,
And, as occasion serv'd, would quote;
No matter whether right or wrong,

They might be either said or sung.

130

135

His notions fitted things so well,

That which was which he could not tell;

140

But oftentimes mistook the one

For th' other, as great clerks have done.

A second Thomas, or at once

To name them all, another Dunce:

Profound in all the nominal

And real ways beyond them all
For he a rope of sand could twist
As tough as learned Sorbonist;

155

And stab herself with doubts profound,
Only to shew with how small pain
The sores of faith are cur'd again;
Although by woeful proof we find,
They always leave a scar behind.
He knew the seat of paradise,

170

Could tell in what degree it lies;

And, as he was dispos'd, could prove it

175

Below the moon, or else above it:

What Adam dream'd of when his bride

e;

Came from her closet in his side Whether the devil tempted her By a High-Dutch interpreter ; › If either of them had a navel; . Who first made music malleable: Whether the serpent at the fall, Had cloven feet, or none at all :

180

All this, without a gloss or comment,

185

He could unriddle in a moment,

In proper terms, such as men smatter,

When they throw out and miss the matter.

For his religion, it was fit

The ly text of pike and gun;

Decide all controversies by

Infallible artillery ;

And prove their doctrine orthodox

By apostolick blows and knocks;

200

Call fire, and sword, and desolation,
A godly thorough reformation,
Which always must be carry'd on,
And still be doing, never done;
As if religion were intended

For nothing else but to be mended.
A sect whose chief devotion lies
In odd perverse antipathies:
In falling out with that or this,
And finding somewhat still amiss;

205

210.

More peevish, cross, and splenetic,

Than dog distract or monkey sick;
That with more care keep holiday
The wrong, than others the right way:
Compound for sins they are inclin'd to,

By damning those they have no mind to;
Still so perverse and opposite,

As if they worshipp'd God for spite.

The self-same thing they will abhor

One

way, and long another for :
Free-will they one way disavow,
Another, nothing else allow.
All piety consists therein

In them, in other men all sin.

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220

225

Rather than fail, they will defy

That which they love most tenderly;

Quarrel with minc'd pies, and disparage

Their best and dearest friend, plumb-porridge; Fat pig and goose itself oppose,

We mean on the inside, not the outward.

That next of all we shall discuss:

Then listen, Sirs, it follows thus:

240

His tawny beard was th' equal grace

Both of his wisdom and his face;

In cut and die so like a tile,

A sudden view it would beguile :
The upper part thereof was whey,
The nether

orange

mix'd with grey.

This hairy meteor did denounce

The fall of sceptres and of crowns:

245