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The writings of a Patriot-Youth,
And fummon Innocence and Truth
To prop your cause !--Was this for You!
But Juftice does your crimes pursue ;
And sentence now alone remains,
Which thus, by Me, the court ordains :

" That you return from whence you came,
" There to be stript of all your fame
* By vulgar hands; That once a week
« Old England pinch you till you squeak;
“ That ribbald Pamphlets do pursue you,
« And lies and murmurs, to undo you.
“ With every foe that Worth procures,
* And only Virtue's friends be Yours."

OD E

TO
GARRICK

V PON THE TALK OF THĘ TOWN. “When I said I would die a batchelor, I did not "think I should live till I were married.”

Much ADO ABOUT NOTHING.

I.
ro, no; the left-hand box, in blue;
There ! don't you see her!See her! Who?"

Nay, hang me if I tell.
There's Garrick in the music-box!
Watch but his eyes; see there
“ Your servant, Ma’moiselle !"

IL
But tell me, David, is it true?
Lord help us! what will fome folks do ?

How will they curse this stranger!
What! fairly taken in for life!
A sober, serious, wedded wife!
O fie upon you, Ranger!

III.
The clers too have join'd the chat;
“A papist-Has he thought of that?

" Or means he to convert her?!"
Troth, boy, unless your zeal be stout,
The nymph may turn Your faith about,
By arguments experter.

IV.
The ladies, pale and out of breath,
Wild as the witches in Macbeth,

Alk if the “ deed be donc !"
0, David! listen to my lay!
I'll prophefy the things they'll fay;

For tongues, you know, will run.

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"O pox?"

VII. “'Twas prudent though to drop his Bayes “ And (entre nous) the Laureat says,

1. He hopes he'll give up Richard. 6 But then it tickles me to see, " In Hastings, such a shrimp as he Attempt to ravish Pritchard.

VIII. « The fellow pleased me well enough " In what d'ye call it? Hoadley'vfuff;

“There's something there lik nature: “ Just so, in life, he runs about, “ Plays at bo-peep, now in, now oui << But hurts no mortal creatures

IX. ". And then there's Belmont, to be sure “ O ho! my gentle Neddy Moore !

“How does my good lord-mayor? “ And have you left Cheapside, my dear! " And will you write again next year, “ To Thew your favorite player?

X. “ But Merope, we own, is fine, Eumenes charms in every line;

“ How prettily he vapours!
“ So gay his dress, so young his look,
« One would have fworn 'twas Mr. Cook,
• Or Mathews, cutting capers."

XI.
Thus, David, will the ladies flout,
And councils hold at every rout,

To alter all your plays;
Yates shall be Benedi&t next year,
Macklin be Richard, Taswell Lear,
And Kitty Clive be Bayes.

XII.
Two parts they readily allow
Are yours; but not one more, they vow;

And thus they close their spite:
You will be Sir John Brute, they say,
A very Sir John Brute all day,
And Fribble all the night.

XIII. But tell me, fair ones, is it so? “ You all did love him once ,” we know;

What then provokes your gall?
Forbear to rail-I'll tell you why;
Quarrels may come, or madam die,
And then there's hope for all.

XIV.
And now a word or two remains,
Sweet Davy, and I close my strains :

Think well ere you engage ;
Vapours and ague-fits may coine,
And matrimonial claims at home,
Un-nerve you for the stags.

XV.
But if you find your spirits right,
Your mind at ease, your body tight,

Take her; you can't do better:
A pox upon the tattling Town!.
The fops that join to cry her down

Would give their ears to get her.

V.

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"And pray, what other news d'ye hear? Marry'd! But don't you think, my dear,

“ He's growing out of fashion? " People may fancy what they will, “But Quin's the only actor ftill, " To touch the tender passion.

VI. "Nay, madam, did you mind, last night, His Archer? Not a line on't right!

“I thought I heard some hifles. "Good God! if Billy Mills, thought I, "Or Billy Havard would but try,

“They'd beat him all to pieces.

* Julius Cefar.

то

SAX

tions,

1

XVI.

But the first was too great, and the last was too good, Then if her heart be good and kind,

And as for the rest, she might get whom she cou'd. (And sure that face beipeaks a mind

Away hurried Fortune, perplex'd and half mad, As soft as woman's can be)

But her promise was pass'd, and a wife must be had: You'll grow as constant as a dove,

She travers'd the town from one corner to t'other, And taste the purer sweets of love,

Now knocking at one door, and then at another.
Unvisited by Ranby.

The girls curtsy'd low as she look'd in their faces,
And bridled and primm'd with abundance of graces ;

But this was coquettish, and that was a prude,
ENVY AND FORTUNE: One stupid and dull, t'other noisy and rude;
A T A L E.

A third was affected, quite careless a fourth,
With prate without meaning, and pride without

worth;
MRS. GARRICK.

fifth, and a fixth, and a seventh were such As either knew nothing or something too much

In short as they pass'd, the to all had objections ; AYS Envy to Fortune, “Soft, soft, Madam Flirt! The gay wanted thought, the good-humour'd affec. “ Not so fast with your wheel, you'll be down in the dirt!

The prudent were ugly, the sensible dirty, Well, and how does your David ? Indeed, my dear And all of them firts, from fifteen up to thirty. creature,

When Fortune saw this the began to look filly, ' “ You've shewn him a wonderful deal of good-na- Yet still she went on till she reach'd Piccadilly ; ture;

But vex'd and fatigu'd, and the night growing late, “ His bags are so full, and such praises his due, She refted her wheel within Burlington gate. “ That the like was ne'er known—and all owing to My lady rose up, as she saw her come in, you;

“o ho, madam Genius! pray where have you “ But why won't you make him quite happy for life, been?” And to all you have done add the gift of a wife?'(For her ladyship thought, from so serious an air, Says Fortune, and smild, “ Madam Envy, God 'Twas Genius come home, for it seems the live save ye!

there.) “ But why always sneering at me and poor Davy? But Fortune, not minding her ladyship's blunder, I own that sometimes, in contempt of all rules, And wiping her forehead, cry'd, “ Well may you " I lavish my favours on blockheads and fools;

wonder “ But the case is quite different here, I aver it, To see me thus flurry'd;"---then told her the case, “ For David ne'er knew me, 'till brought me by And fighed till her ladyship laugh'd in her face. Merit,

“ Mighty civil indeed!"4" Come, a truce, says “ And yet to convince you-nay, Madam, no hisses- my lady, “ Good-manners at least-such behaviour as this " A truce with complaints, and perhaps I may (For mention but Merit, and Envy Aies out “I'll thew you a girl that-Here; Martin! go With a hiss and a yell that would filence a rout.

tell But Fortune went on) -"To convince you, I say, “ But she's gone to undrefs ; by-and-by is as well “ That I honour your scheme, I'll about it to day; " I'll thew you a fight that you'll fancy uncommon, “ The man shall be marry'd, so pray now be easy, “ Wit, beauty, and goodness, all met in a woman ; And Garrick for once shall do something to please " A heart to no folly or mischief inclin'd

A body all grace, and all sweetness a mind." So saying, the rattled her wheel out of fight, O, pray let ine: fee her," says Fortune, and While Envy walk'd after, and grinn'd with delight.

smild, It seems 'twas a trick that she long had been brewing, “ Do but give her to me, and I'll make her my To marry poor David, and so be his ruin :

child For Siander had told her the creature lov'd pelf, « But who, my dear, who for you have not told And car'd not a fig for a soul but himself;

yet"From thence she was sure, had the Devil a daughter, “ Who indeed, says my lady, if not Violette ? He'd snap at the girl, so 'twas Fortune that brought The words were scarce spoke when she enter'd the her:

room ; And then should her temper be fullen or haughty, A blush at the stranger still heighten'd her bloom ; Her felh too be frail, and incline to be naughty, So humble her looks were, so mild was her air, 'Twould fret the poor fellow so out of his reason, That Fortune, astonish'd, fat mute in her chair. That Barry and Quin would fet fashions next season. My lady rose up, and with countenance bland,

But Fortune, who saw what the Fury design'd, “ This is Fortune, my dear," and presented her Resolv'd to get David a wife to his mind:

hand : Yet afraid of herself in a matter so nice,

The goddess embrac'd her, and call'd her her own, She visited Prudence, and begg'd her advice. And, compliments over, her errand made krown. The nymph shook her head when the business the But how the sweet girl colour'd, futter'd, and knew,

trembled, And said that her female acquaintance were few; How oft she said no, and how ill the diffembled; That excepting Miss R***_(), yes, there was one, Or how little David rejoic'd at the news, A friend of that lady's, the vifted none;

And swore, from all others, 'twas her he would chule ;

is!"

aid ye.

ye.”

What methods he try'd, and what arts to prevail ; That your Honour would please, at this dangerous All these, were they told, would but burden my crisis, tale

To take to your bosom a few private vices, In Mort, all affairs were so happily carry'd, By which your petitioners haply might thrive, That hardly fix weeks pass’d away till they marry'd. | And keep both themselves and Contention alive.

But Envy grew sick when the story she heard, In compassion, good Sir, give them something to Violette was the girl that of all the most fear'd;

say, She knew her good-humour, her beauty and sweet. And your Honour's petitioners ever shall pray.

nels, Her case and compliance, her taste and her neatness; From these the was sure that her man could not roam,

TRI A L And must rise on the stage, from contentment at

home : So on the went hissing, and inwardly curs'd her,

SARAH ****, ALIAS .SLIM SAL, And Garrick next season will certainly burst her.

THE

OF

FOR

T

THE

OF THE

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THAT Wymes

PRIVATELY STEALING.
TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE
HENRY PELHA M,

HE pris'ner was at large indicted,

For that by thirst of gain excited,
HUMBLE PETITION

One day in July last, at tea,
And in the house of Mrs. P.
From the left breast of E. M. gent.

With base felonious intent,
WORSHIPFUL COMPANY

Did then and there a heart with strings,

Reft, quiet, peace, and other things,
POETS AND NEWS-WRITERS.

Steal, rob and plunder; and all them
The chattels of the said E. M.

The prosecutor swore, last May
SNEWETH,

(The month he knew, but not the day) HAT your Honour's petitioners (dealers in He left his friends in town, and went rhymes,

Upon a visit down in Kent: And writers of scandal, for mending the times)

That staying there a month or two, By losses in business, and England's well-doing,

He spent his time as others do, Are funk in their credit, and verging on ruin.

In riding, walking, fishing, swimming i That these their misfortunes, they humbly con

But being much inclin'd to women, ceive,

And young and wild, and no great reasoner,
Arise not from dulnels, as some folks believe,
But from rubs in their way which your Honour has He own'd, 'twas rumour'd in those parts

He got acquainted with the prisoner, laid,

That me 'ad a trick of stealing hearts, And want of materials to carry on trade.

And from fifteen to twenty-two, That they always had form’d high conceits of Had made the devil and all to do: their use,

But Mr. W. the vicar, And meant elveir last breath should go out in abuse ;

(And no man brews you better liquor) But now and they speak it with sorrow and tears)

Spoke of her thefts as tricks of youth,
Since your Honour has sat at the helm of affairs,

The frolicks of a girl forsooth :
No party will join them, no faction invite
To heed what they say, or to read what they write; He said ; for she was twenty-four.

Things now were on another score,
Sedition, and Tumult, and Discord are fled,

However, to make matters short,
And Slander scarce ventures to lift up her head

And not to trespass on the court,
In short, public business is so carry'd on,
That their country is fav’d, and the patriots undone. And thus it was.

The lady was discover'd soon,

One afternoon, To perplex them ftill more, and sure famine to

The ninth of July last, or ņear it, bring,

(As to the day, he could not swear it) (Now satíre has loft both its truth and its sting)

In company at Mrs. P.'s, H, in spite of their natures, they bungle at praise,

Where folks say any thing they please;. Your honour regards not, and nobody pays.

Dean L. and lady Mary by, YOUR petitioners therefore must humbly intreat (As the times will allow, and your Honour thinks (He own'd he was inclined to think

And Fanny waiting on Miss Y. meet)

Both were a little in their drink) That measures be chang'd, and some cause of com

The pris'ner alk'd, and called him cousin, plaint

How many kisses made a dozen ? Be immediately furnith'd, to end their restraint;

That being, as he own'd, in liquor, Their credit thereby, and their trade to retrieve,

The question made his blood run quicker, That again they may rail, and the nation believe.

And, sense and reason in eclipse, Or else (if your wisdom shall deem it all one)

He vow'd he'd score them on her lips. Now the Parliament's rifing, and business is done,

That rising up to keep his word,
He got as far as kiss the third,
And would have counted to other nine,
And fo all present did opine,
But that he felt a sudden dizziness,
That quite undid him for the business :
His speech, he said, began to falter,
His eyes to stare, his mouth to water;
His breast to thump without ceffation,
And all within one conflagration.
Bless me! says Fanny, what's the matter?
And lady Mary look'd hard at her,
And stamp'd, and with'd the pris'ner further,
And cry'd out, Part them, or there's murther !
That ftill he held the pris 'ner faft,
And would have stood it to the last ;
But struggling to go through the reft,
He felt a pain across his breast,
A sort of sudden twinge, he said,
That seem'd almost to strike him dead,
'And after that such cruel smarting,
He thought the soul and body parting.
That then he let the pris'nier go,
And stagger'd off a step or so;
And thinking that his heart was ill,
He begg'd of Miss Y.'s maid to feel.
That Fanny stept before the rest,
And laid her hand upon his breast;
But, mercy on us ! what a ftare
The creature gave ! No heart was there ;
Souse went her fingers in the hole,
Whence heart, and strings, and all were ftolc.
That Fanny turn'd, and told the prisoner,
She was a thief, and so she'd chriften her ;
And that it was a burning shame,
And brought the house an evil name;
And if the did not put the heart in,
The man would pine and die for certain.
The pris'ner then was in her airs,
And bid her mind her own affairs ;
And told his reverence, and the rest of 'em,
She was as honest as the best of 'em.
That lady Mary and dean L.
Rose up and said, 'Twas mighty well,
But that, in eral terms they said it,
A heart was gone, and some one had it :
Worus would not do, for search they must,
And search they would, and her the first.
That then the pris'ner dropp'd her anger,
And said, the liop'd they would not hang her ;
That all she did was meant in jest,
And there the heart was, and the rest.
That then the dean cry'd out, О fie!
And sent in haste for justice ).
Who, though he knew her friends and pity d her,
Call'd her hard names, and so committed her.

The parties present swore the same;
And Fanny said, the pris'ner's name
Had frighten'd all the country round;
And glad me was the bill was found.
She knew a man, who knew another,
Who knew the very party's brother;
Who lost his heart by mere surprize,
One moming looking at her eyes ;
And others had been known to squeak,
Who only chanc'd to hear her sprak:
For she had words of such a fort,
That though the knew no reason foi't,

Would make a man of sense run måd,
And rifle him of all he had ;
And that the'd rob the whole community,
If ever she had opportunity.

The pris'ner now first filence broke,
And curtsy'd round her as the spoke.
She own'd, the faid, it much incens'd her,
To hear such matters sworn against her,
But that she hop'd to keep her temper,
And prove herfélf “ eadem semper.
That what the prosecutor swore
Was some part true, and some part more :
She own'd she had been often seen with him;
And laugh'd and chatted on the green with him
The fellow seem'd to have humanity,
And told her tales that foothed her vanity,
Pretending that he lov'd her vastly,
And that all women elle look'd ghaftly.
But then the hop'd the court would think
She never was inclin'd to drink,
Or suffer hands like his to dâub her, or
Encourage men to kiss and Kobber her ;
She'd have folks know the did not love it,
Or if she did, she was above it.
But this, she said, was sworn of course,
To prove her giddy, and then worse ;
As she whose conduct was thought « lævis,"
Might very well be reckon'd thievith.
She hop'd, me faid, the court's discerning
Would pay some honour to her learning,
For every day from four to past fix,
She went up-stairs, and read the classics.
Thus having clear'd herself of levity,
The rest, she said, would come with brevity,
And first, it injur'd not her honour
To own the heart was found upon her ;
For the could prove, and did aver,
The paltry thing belong'd to her :
The fact was thus. This prince of knaves
Was once the humbleft of her naves,
And often had confess'd the dart
Her eyes had lodg'd within his heart :
That she, as 'twas her constant fashion,
Made great diversion of his passion ;
Which fet his blood in such a ferment,
As seem'd to threaten his interment :
That then she was afraid of losing him,
And so defifted from abusing him ;
And often came and felt his pulse,
And bid him write to docter Hulle.
The prosecutor chank'd her kindly,
And righ'd, and faid the look'd divinely ;
But told her that his heart was bursting,
And doctors he had little trust in ;
He therefore begg'd her to accept it,
And hop'd 'twould mend if once she kept it.
That having no averfion to it,
She said, with all her soul, The'd do it ;
But then the begg'd him to remember,
If he should need it in December,
(For winter months would make folks Thiver,
Who wanted either heart or liver)
It never could return; and added,
'Twas her's for life, if once the had it.
The prosecutor said, Amen,
And that he with'd it not again ;
And took it from his breast and gave her,
And bow'd, and thank'd her for the favour ;

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But bez'd the thing might not be spoke of,
As karkess men were made a joke of.
Tiat next day, whisp'ring him about it,
And aking how he felt without it,
He figli'd, and cry'd, Alack ! alack !
And begg'd, and pray'd to have it back;
O that the'd give him her's instead on't :
But the conceiv'd there was no need on't;
And faid, and bid him make no pother,
He should have neither one noi i'other.
That then he ray'd and storm'd like fury,
And faid, that one was his “ de jure,"
And rather than he'd leave pursuing her,
He'd frear a robbery, and ruin her.

That this was truth she did aver,
Wherer bap betided Her;
Odly tha: Mrs. P. she said,
MS Y. and her deluded maid,
And lady Mary, and his reverence,
Were folks to whom the paid fome deference ;
And that she verily believed
They were not perjur'd, but deceiv'd.

Then do&or D. begg'd leave to speak,
And figh'd as if his heart would break.
He lid, that he was madam's furgeon,
O rather, as in Greek, chirurgeon,
From " cheir, manus, ergon, opus".
(As fcope is from the Latin “ fcopus").

That he, he said, had known the prisoner
From the first sun that ever rise on her ;
And griev'd he was to see her there ;
But took upon liimself to swear,
There was r.ot to be found in nature
A sweeter or a better creature ;
And if the king (God bless him) knew her,
He'd leave St. James's to get to her :
But then as to the fact in question,
He knew no more on't than Hephxstion ;
It might be false, and might be true ;
And this, he said, was all he knew.

The judge proceeded to the charge,
And gave the evidence at large,
But often cast a sheep's eye at her,
And strove to mitigate the matter,
Pretending facts were not so clear,
And mercy ought to interfere.

The jury then withdrew a moment,
As if on weighty points to comment;
And right or wrong, resolv'd to save her,
They gave a verdict in her favour.

But why or wherefore things were so,
It matters not for us to know:
The culprit, by escape grown bold,
Pilfers alike from young and old,
The country all around her teazes,
And robs or murders who.n the pleases.

FABLES FOR

THE LADIES,

TO

THE

FABLE I.

To these, detesting praise, I write,

And vent, in charity, my spite. TAL EAGLE, AND THE ASSEMBLY OF BIRDS. With friendly hand I hold the glass

To all, promiscuous as they pais ;

Should folly there her likenet, view,
HER ROYAL HIGHNESS

I fret not that the mirror's true ;

If the fantastic form oitend,
PRINCESS

I made it not, but would amend,
OF W A L E S.

Virtue, in every clime and age,
THE moral lay, to beauty due,

Spurns at the folly-foothing page,

While fatire, that offends the ear Well pleased to hope my vacant hours

Of vice and passion, pleases her. Hlave been employ'd to sweeten yours.

Premising this, your anger 1pare,
Toth under fiction I impart,

And claim the fable you who dare.
To weed out folly from the heart;
And hew the paths, that lead astray

THE birds in place, by factions press’d, wand'ring nymph from wisdom's way. To Jupiter their pray’rs address’d; itziet none. The great and good

By specious lies the state was vex’d, At by their actions understood;

Their counsels libellers perplex'd; For monument if actions raise,

They begg'd (10 ftop feditious tongues) Sall I deface by idle praise ?

A gracious hearing of their wrongs. 1 octo not the voice of fame,

Jove grants their suit. The Eagle sate, That dwells delighted on your name ;

Decider of the grand debate. Her friendly tale, however true,

The Pye, to trust and pow's preferr'd, Were fatt'ry, if I told it you.

Demands permission to be heard. The proud, the envious, and the vain,

Says lie, Prolixity of phrase The jil, the prude, demand my strain ;

You know I hate. This libel says,

c

VOL VII.

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