Soon as each member in his rank was plac'd, The affembly Diasenna* thus addrefs'd:

My kind confederates, if my poor intent,
As 'tis fincere, had been but prevalent,
We here had met on fome no
fafe defign,
And on no other bafinefs but to dine;
The faculty had still maintain'd their sway,
And intereft then had bid us but obey;
This only emulation we had known,

Who beft could fill his purfe, and thin the town.
But now from gathering clouds destruction pours,
Which ruins with mad rage our halcyon hours:
Mifts from black jealoufies the tempeft form,
Whilft late divifions reinforce the ftorm

Know, when these feuds, like thofe at law, were paft,

The winners will be lofers at the laft.

Like heroes in fea-fights we feek renown;
To fire fome hoftile fhip, we burn our own.
Whoe'er throws duft against the wind, defcries
He throws it, in effect, but in his eyes,
That juggler which another's fleight will show,
But teaches how the world his own may know.
Thrice happy were those golden days of old,
When dear as Burgundy, ptifans were fold
When patients chofe to die with better will,
Than breathe, and pay the apothecary's bill;
And, cheaper than for our affiftance call,
Might go to Aix or Bourbon, fpring and fall.
Then priefts increas'd, and piety decay'd,
Churchmen the church's purity betray'd,

Their lives and doctrine flaves and atheifts ( made.

The laws were but the hireling judge's sense;
Juries were fway'd by venal evidence.
Fools were promoted to the council-board,
Tools to the bench, and bullies to the sword.
Penfions in private were the fenate's aim;
And patriots for a place abandon'd fame.

But now no influencing art remains,
For Somers has the feal, and Naffau reigns.
And we, in fpite of our refolves, must bow,
And fuffer by a reformation too.
For now late jars our practices detect (b).
And mines, when once difcover'd, lofe effect.
Diffenfions, like fmall ftreams, are first begun,
Scarce feen they rife, but gather as they run:
So lines that from their parallel decline,
More they proceed, the more they still disjoin.

VARIATIONS.

(5) But now late jars our practices detect,
For mines, when once difcover'd, lofe th' effect.
Diffenfions, like fmall streams, are first begun,
Starce feen they rise, but gather as they run.
So lines that from their parallel decline,
More they advance, the more they ftill disjoin.
'Tis therefore my advice, in hafte we send,
And beg the faculty to be our friend.
As he revolving flood to say the reft,
Rough Colocynthus thus his rage exprest.

Giftrop, an apothecary.

'Tis therefore my advice, in hafte we fend,
And beg the faculty to be our friend;
Send fwarms of patients, and our quarrels end.
So awful beadles, if the vagrant treat,
Straight turn familiar, and their fafces quit.
In vain we but contend, that planet's power
Those vapours can disperse it rais'd before.

As he prepar'd the mischief to recite, Keen Colocynthus paus'd, and foam'd with fpite. Sour ferments on his fhining furface swim, Work up the froth, and bubble o'er the brim: Not beauties fret fo much if freckles come, Or nofe fhould redden in the drawing-room; Or lovers that mistake th' appointed hour, Or in the lucky minute want the power.

Thus he Thou fcandal of great Pæan's art,
At thy approach the springs of nature start,
The nerves unbrace: nay, at the fight of thee,
A fcratch turns cancer, itch a leprosy,
Could't thou propofe, that we, the friends of
fates,

Who fill churchyards, and who unpeople states,
Who baffle nature, and dispose of lives,
Whilft Kuffelt, as we pleafe, or farves or thrives.
Should e'er fubmit to their defpotic will,
Who out of confolation fcarce can kill?
The towering Alps fhall fooner fink to vales,
And leeches, in our glaffes, fwell to whales;
Or Norwich trade in inftruments of steel,
And Birmingham in stuffs and druggets deal!
Alleys at Wapping furnish us new modes,
And Monmouth-treet, Verfailles with riding-
hoods!

The fick to th' hundreds in pale throngs repair,
And change the gravel-pits for Kentish air!
Our properties must on our arms depend;
'Tis next to conquer, bravely to defend.
'Tis to the vulgar death too harsh appears;
The ill we feel is only in our fears.

}

To die, is landing on fome filent shore, Where billows never break, nor tempefts roar : Ere well we feel the friendly ftroke, 'tis o'er. The wife through thought th' insults of death.

defy:

The fools through bleft infenfibility.
'Tis what the guilty fear, the pious crave;
Sought by the wretch, and vanquish'd by the brave,
It cafes lovers, fets the captive free;
And, though a tyrant, offers liberty.

Sound but to arms, the foe fhall foon confefs
Our force increases, as our funds grow lefs;
And what requir'd fuch industry to raise,
We'll scatter into nothing as we please,
Thus they'll acknowledge, to annihilate
Shews no less wondrous power than to create.
We'll raise our numerous cohorts, and oppofe
The feeble forces of our pigmy foes;
Legions of quacks shall join us on the place,
From great Kirleus down to Doctor Cafe.
Though fuch vile rubbish fink, yet we fhall rife;
Directors ftill fecure the greatest prize.
Such poor fupports ferve only like a stay;
The tree once fix'd, its reft is torn away..

Dare, an apothecary.

† A celebrated undertaker of funerals.

So patriots, in time of peace and ease, Forget the fury of the late difeafe: Gn dangers paft ferenely think no more, And curfe the hand that heal'd the wound before. Arm therefore, gallant friends, 'tis honour's call; Or let us boldly fight, or bravely fall!

To this the feffion feem'd to give confent,
Much lik'd the war, but dreaded much ch' event.
At length, the growing difference to compose,
Two brothers, nam'd Afcarides, arose.
Both had the volibility of tongue,

In meaning faint, but in opinion frong.
To speak they both affum'd alike pretence;
The elder gain'd his juft pre-eminence

Thus he 'Tis true, when privilege and right
Are once invaded, honour bids us fight.
But ere we once engage in honour's cause,
First know what honour is, and whence it was.
Scorn'd by the bale, 'tis courted by the brave;
The hero's tyrant, and the coward's flave;
Born in the noify camp, it lives on air,
And both exifts by hope and by despair;
Angry whene'er a moment's ease we gain,
And reconcil'd at our returns of pain.

It lives, when in death's arms the hero lies:
But when his fafety he confults, it dies.
Bigoted to this idol, we disclaim
Reft, health, and ease, for nothing but a name.
Then let us, to the field before we move,
Know, if the gods our enterprise approve.
Suppofe th' unthinking faculty unveil
What we, through wifer conduct, would conceal:
Is't reafon we should quarrel with the glafs
That shows the monstrous features of our face?
The Pearces, apothecaries.

Or grant fome grave pretenders have of late
Thought fit an innovation to create;
Soon they'll repent what rafhly they begun :
Though projects please, projectors are undone.
All novelties must this fuccefs expect,
When good, our envy; and when bad, neglect:
If reafon could dire, ere now each gate
Had borne fome trophy of triumphal state;
Temples had told how Greece and Belgia owe
Troy and Namur to Jove and to Naffau.

Then, fince no veneration is allow'd,
Or to the rea, or th' appearing good;
The project that we vainly apprehend
Moft, as it blindly rofe, as vilely end.
Some members of the faculty there are,
Who intereft prudently to oaths prefer.
Our friendship, with feign'd airs, they poorly
court (c),

And boaft, their politics are our fupport
Them we'll confult about this enterprise,
And boldly execute what they advise.

But from below, while fuch refolves they took,
Some Aurum Fulminans the fabric shook.
The champions, daunted at the crack, retreat,
Regard their fafety, and their rage forget.

So when at Bathos earth's big offspring ftrove To fcale the fkies, and wage a war with Joye; Soon as the afs of old Silenus bray'd, The trembling rebels in confufion fled.

VARIATIONS.

(c) If things of ufe were valued, there had been Some workhouse where the monument is seen.

Nor far from that frequented theatre,
Where wandering punks each night at five repair;
Where purple emperors in bufkins tread,
And rule imaginary worlds for bread:
Where Bentley *, by old writers, wealthy grew,
And Brifcec lately was undone by new;
There triumphs a physician of renown,
To none, but fuch as ruft in health, unknown.
None e'er was plac'd more fitly, to impart
His known experience, and his healing art.
When Burgess deafens all the listening prefs
With peals of moft feraphic emptiness;
Or when mysterious Freeman mounts on high,
To preach his parish to a lethargy;
This fculapius waits hard by, to ease
The martyrs of fuch Christian cruelties.

* Two bookfellers.

Long has this darling quarter of the town. For lewdness, wit, and gallantry, been known. All forts meet here, of whatfo'er degree, To blend and justle into harmony. The critics each adventurous author scan, And praise or cenfure as they like the man. The weeds of writings for the flowers they cull; So nicely tastelefs, fo correctly dull! The politicians of Parnaffus prate, And poets canvafs the affairs of state; The cits ne'er talk of trade and stock, but tell How Virgil writ, how bravely Turnus fell. The country-dames drive to Hippolito's, First find a spark, and after lose a nofe. The lawyer for lac'd coat the robe does quit, He grows a madman, and then turns a wit. And in the cloifter pensive Strephon waits, Till Cloe's hackeny comes, and then retreats;

And if th' ungenerous nymgh a fhaft lets fly,
More fatally than from a sparkling eye,
Mirmillo, that fam'd Opifer, is nigh.

The trading tribe oft thither throng to dine,
And want of elbow-room fupply in wine.
Cloy'd with variety, they furfeit there,
Whilft the wan patients on thin gruel fare.
'Twas here the champions of the party met,
Of their heroic enterprise to treat.
Each hero a tremendous air put on,
And ftern Mirmillo in these words begun :

'Tis with concern, my friends, I meet you here;

No grievance you can know, but I must share.
'Tis plain, my interest you've advanc'd so long,
Each fee, though I was mute, would find a tongue.
And, in return, though I have ftrove to rend
Those statutes, which on oath I should defend ;
Such arts are trifles to a generous mind :
Great fervices as great returns fhould find.
Aud you'll perceive, this hand, when glory calls,
Can brandish arms as well as urinals.

Oxford and all her paffing bells can tell,
By this right-arm what mighty numbers fell.
Whilst others meanly ask'd whole months to slay,
I oft difpatch'd the patient in a day :
With pen in hand I pufh'd to that degree,
I fcarce had left a wretch to give a fee.
Some fell by laudanum, and some by steel,
And death in ambush lay in every pill.
For, fave or flay, this privilege we claim,
Though credit fuffers, the reward's the fame.
What though the art of healing we pretend,
He that defigns it least, is most a friend.
Into the right we err, and muft confefs
To overfights we often owe fucceís.
Thus Beflus got the battle in the play;
His glories cowardice reftor'd the day.
So the fam'd Grecian piece ow'd its defert
To chance, and not the labour'd ftrokes of art.
Physicians, if they're wife, fhould never think
Of any arms but fuch as pen and ink:
But th' enemy, at their expence, fhall find
When honour calls, I'll fcorn to flay behind.

He faid; and feal'd th' engagement with a kiss, Which was return'd by younger Afcaris *; Who thus advanc'd: Each word, Sir, you impart, Has fomething killing in it, like your art. How much we to your boundless friendship owe, Our files can speak, and your prescriptions show. Your ink defcends in fuch exceffive shower 'Tis plain, you can regard no health but ours. Whilft poor pretenders puzzle o'er a cafe, You but appear, and give the coup de grace. O that near Xanthus' banks you had but dwelt, When Ilium first Achaian fury felt!

The horned river then had curs'd in vain
Young Peleus' arm, that chok'd his ftream with
flain;

No trophies you had left for Greeks to raise;
Their ten years toil, you'd finish'd in ten days.
Fate fmiles on your attempts; and, when you lift,
In vain the cowards fly, or brave refift.

Then let us arm, we need not fear fuccefs;
No labours are too hard for Hercules.
Our military enfigns we'll difplay;
Conqueft purfues, where courage leads the way.
To this defign fhrill Querpo did agree,
A zealous member of the faculty;
His fire's pretended pious steps he treads,
And where the doctor fails, the faint fucceeds.
A conventicle flefh'd his greener years,
And his full age the righteous rancour shares.
Thus boys hatch game-eggs under birds of prey,
To make the fowl more furious for the fray.
Slow Carus + next difcover'd his intent,
With painful pauses muttering what he meant.
His fparks of life, in fpite of drugs, retreat,
So cold, that only calentures can heat.
In his chill veins the fluggish puddle flows,
And loads with lazy fogs his fable brows.
Legions of lunatics about him prefs;
His province is, lost reason to redress.
So when perfumes their fragrant fcent give o'cr,
Nought can their odour, like a jakes, restore.
When for advice the vulgar throng, he's found
With lumber of vile books befieg'd around.
The gazing throng acknowledge their surprise,
And, deaf to reafon, still confult their eyes.
Well he perceives, the world will often find,
To catch the eye is to convince the mind.
Thus a weak ftate by wife diftruft inclines
To numerous ftores, and ftrength in magazines.
So fools are always most profuse of words,
And cowards never fail of longest swords.
Abandon'd authors here a refuge meet,
And from the world to duft and worms retreat.
Here dregs and fediment of auctions reign,
Refuse of fairs, and gleanings of Duck lane.
And up thefe walls much Gothic lumber climbs,
With Swifs philofophy, and Runic rhymes.
Hither, retriev'd from cooks and grocers, come
Mede's works entire, and endless reams of Blome.
Where would the long neglected Collins fly,
If bounteous Carus fhould refuse to buy?
But each vile scribbler's happy on this score:
He'll find fome Carus ftill to read him o'er,

Nor muft we the obfequious Umbra § fpare,
Who foft by nature, yet declar'd for war.
But when some rival power invades a right,
Flies fet on flies, and turtles turtles fight.
Elfe courteous Umbra to the last had been
Demurely meek, infipidly serene.
With him, the prefent ftill fome virtues have;
The vain are sprightly; and the ftupid, grave;
The flothful, negligent; the foppish, neat ;
The lewd are airy, and the fly difcreet;
A wren, an eagle; a baboon, a beau;
Colt, a Lycurgus, and a Phocion, Rowe ¶.

Heroic ardour now th' affembly warms,
Each combatant breathes nothing but alarms.
For future glory while the scheme is laid,
Fam'd with Horoscope thus offers to diffuade:

Since of each enterprise th' event's unknown, We'll quit the sword, and hearken to the gown.

Nigh lives Vagellius, one reputed long
For ftrength of lungs, and pliancy of tongue.
For fees, to any form he moulds a cause,
The worst has merits, and the best has flaws.
Five guineas make a criminal to-day;
And ten to-morrow wipe the fiain away.
Whatever he affirms is undeny'd,
Milo's the lecher, Clodius th' homicide;
Cato pernicious, Catiline a faint,
Orford fufpected, Duncomb innocent.

To law then, friends, for 'tis by fate decreed,
Vageilius, and our money, fhall fucceed.
Know, when I first invok'd difcafe by charms
To prove propitiou- to our future arnis,
Ill emens did the facrifice attend,
Nor would the Sibyl from her grot ascend.
As Horofce pe urg'd farther to be heard,
He thus was interrupted by a bard † :

In vain your magic myfteries you use
Such founds the Sibyl's facred ears abuse.
Thefe lines the pale divinity thall raise,
Such is the power of found, and force of lays.

Armis meet with arms, fauchions with fau"Chions clath,

"And fparks of fire ftruck out from armour flash. "Thick clouds of duft contending warriors raile, And hideous war o'er all the region brays. Some raging ran with huge Herculean clubs, "Some mafly balls of brafs, fome mighty tubs "Of cinders bore.-

Naked and half-burnt hills with hideous wreck
Affight the fkies, and fry the ocean's back."
As he went rumbling on, the fury ftraight
Crawl'd in, her limbs could icarce fupport her
weight.

A rueful rag her meagre forehead bound,
And faintly her furr'd lips thefe accents found
Mortal, how dar'it thou with fuch lines addrefs
My awful feat, and trouble
my recefs?
In Efiex marthy hundreds is a cell,
Where lazy fogs and drizzling va; ours dwell:
Thither raw damps on drooping wings repair,
And hivering quartans fhake the fickly air.
There, when fatigu'd, fome filent hours I pass,
And fubititute phyficians in my place.
Then dare not, for the future, once rehearse
The diffonance of fuch untuneful verie;
But in your lines let energy be found,
And learn to rife in fenfe, and fink in found.
Harth words, though pertinent, uncouth appear;
None pleafe the fancy, who offend the ear.
In lente and numbers if you would excel,
Rad Wycherley, confider Dryden well.
In one, what vigorous turns of fancy thine!
In th' other, Syrens warble in each line.

If Do let's fprightly Muse but touch the lyre,
The fmiles and graces melt in foft defire,
And little loves confefs their amorous fire. (a)

The gentle Ifis claims the ivy crown,
To bind th' immortal brows of Addison.
As tuneful Congreve tries his rural strains,
Pan quits the woods, the liftening fawns the
plains;

And Philomel, in notes like his, complains.
And Britain, fince Paufanias * was writ,
Knows Spartan virtue, and Athenian wit.
When Stepney paints the godlike acts of kings,
Or, what Apollo dictates, Prior fings;
The banks of Rhine a pleas'd attention show,
And filver Sequana forgets to flow.

S

Such juft examples carefully read o'er,
Slide without falling; without ftraining, foar.
Oft' though your ftrokes furprise, you should not
choofe

A theme to mighty for a virgin Mufe.
Long did Apelies his fam'd piece decline;
His Alexander was his laft defign.

"Tis Montague's rich vein alone must prove,
None but a Phidias thould attempt a Jove.

The fury paus'd, till with a frightful found (6) A rifing whirlwind burst th' unhallow'd ground. Then fe-The deity we fortune call, Though diftant, rules and influences all. Straight for her favour to her court repair; Important embaflies afk wings of air.

[foul,

Each wondering ftood; but Horoscope's great That dangers ne'er alarm, nor doubts control, Rais'd on the pinions of the bounding wind, Out-flew the rack, and left the hours behind.

The evening now with blufhes warms the air,
The fteer refigns the yoke, the hind his care.
The clouds above with golden edgings glow,
And falling dews refresh the earth below.
The bat with footy wings flits through the grove,"
The reeds icarce ruftle, nor the aspines move.
And all the feather'd folks for bear their lays of (
love.

Through the transparent region of the skies,
Swift as a wifh, the miflionary flies:
With wonder he furveys the upper air,
And the gay gilded meteors sporting there;
How lambent jellies, kindling in the night,
Shoot through the æther in a trail of light;
How riûing teams in th' azure fluid blend,
Or fleet in clouds, or foft in thowers defcend;
Or, if the tubborn rage of cold prevail,
In flakes they fly, or fall in moulded hail;
How honey-dews embalm the fragrant morn,
And the fair oak with lufcious fweats adorn;
How heat and moiilure mingle in a mafs,
Or belch in thunder, or in lightning blaze;
Why nimble corrufcations ftrike the eye,
And bold tornados blufter in the fky;

VARIATIONS.

(b) The fury faid; and vanifhing from fight,.
Cry'd out, To arms; fo left the realms of light.
The combatants to th' enterprise content,
And the next day inul'd on the great event.

* Paufanias, written by Mr. No tom,

Why a prolific Aura upwards tends,
Ferments, and in a living fhower defcends;
How vapours hanging on the towering hills
In breezes figh, or weep in warbling rills;
Whence infant winds their tender pinions try,
And river gods their thirsty urns fupply.

The wondering fage purfues his airy flight,
And braves the chill unwholefome damps of night:
He views the tracts where luminaries rove,
To fettle feafons here, and fates above;
The bleak Arcturus ftill forbid the feas,
The stormy Kids, the weeping Hyades;
The fhining lyre with strains attracting more
Heaven's glittering mansions now than hell's be-
fore;

Glad Caffiopeia circling in the sky,
And each fair Churchill of the galaxy.

Aurora, on Etefian breezes borne,

With blushing lips breathes out the sprightly morn:
Each flower in dew their fhort-liv'd empire weeps,
And Cynthia with her lov'd Endymion fleeps.
As through the gloom the Magus cuts his way,
Imperfect objects tell the doubtful day;
Dim he difcerns majestic Atlas rife,

And bend beneath the burden of the skies;
His towering brows aloft no tempefts know,
Whilft lightning flies, and thunder rolls below.
Distant from hence beyond a waste of plains,
Proud Teneriff, his giant brother, reigns;
With breathing fire his pitchy noftrils glow,
As from his fides he shakes the fleecy fnow.
Around this hoary prince, from watery beds,
His fubject iflands raise their verdant heads;
The waves fo gently wash each rising hill,
The land feems floating, and the ocean still.

Eternal fpring with smiling verdure here
Warms the mild air, and crowns the youthful year,
From crystal rocks tranfparent rivulets flow;
The tuberofe ever breathes, and violets blow.
The vine undrefs'd her fwelling clusters bears,
The labouring hind the mellow olive cheers;
Bloffoms and fruit at once the citron fhews,
And, as the pays, difcovers ftill the owes.
The orange to her fun her pride displays,
And gilds her fragrant apples with his rays.
No blafts e'er difcompofe the peaceful sky,
The springs but murmur, and the winds but figh.
The tuneful fwans on gliding rivers float,
And warbling dirges die on every note.
Where Flora treads, her Zephyr garlands flings,
And scatters odours from his purple wings;

Chant their glad nuptials, and unenvy'd loves.
Mild feasons, rifing hills, and filent dales,
Cool grottos, filver brooks, and flowery vales,
Groves fill'd with balmy shrubs, in pomp appear,
And fcent with gales of fweets the circling year.
Thefe happy ifles, where endless pleasures
wait,

Are ftyl'd by tuneful bards-The Fortunate.
On high, where no hoarfe winds nor clouds re-
fort,

The hoodwink'd goddefs keeps her partial court.
Upon a wheel of amethyst she sits,

Gives and refumes, and smiles and frowns by fits.
In this still labyrinth, around her lie
Spells, philters, globes, and schemes of palmistry:
A figil in this hand the gipsy bears,
In th' other a prophetic fieve and fheers.

The dame, by divination, knew that foon
The Magus would appear—and then begun :
Hail facred feer! thy embaffy I know :
Wars must ensue, the fates will have it fo.
Dread feats fhall follow, and disasters great,
Pills charge on pills, and bolus bolus meet:
Both fides fhall conquer, and yet both shall fail;
The mortar now, and then the urinal.

To thee alone my influence I owe;
Where nature has deny'd, my favours flow.
'Tis I that give, fo mighty is my power,
Faith to the Jew, complexion to the Moor.
I am the wretch's with, the rook's pretence,
The fluggard's ease, the coxcomb's providence.
Sir Scrape-quill, once a fupple smiling slave,
Looks lofty now, and infolently grave;
Builds, fettles, purchases, and has each hour
Caps from the rich, and curfes from the poor.
Spadillio, that at table ferv'd of late,

Drinks rich Tockay himself, and eats in plate;
Has levees, villas, mistresses in store,
And owns the racers which he rubb'd before.
Souls heavenly borne my faithlefs boons defy;
The brave is to himself a deity.
Though bleft Aftrea's gone, fome foil remains
Where fortune is the flave, and merit reigns.
The Tiber boafts his Julian progeny,
Thaines his Naffau, the Nile his Ptolomy.
Iberia, yet for future sway defign'd,
Shall, for a Heffe, a greater Mordaunt find.
Thus Ariadne in proud triumph rode;
She loft a hero, and she found a god.

crown'd,

Had fpread her fhady pinions o'er the ground;

While groves and ftreams are the foft virgin's

theme;