shan't think I am so well provided,) to indulge me with pen and ink, though I have been using my own so freely when her absence would let me; for I begged to be left to myself as much as possible. She says she will let me have it; but, then, I must promise not to send any writing out of the house, without her seeing it. I said, it was only to divert my grief when I was by myself, as I desired to be, for I loved writing as well as reading, but I had nobody to send to, she knew well enough. No, not at present, may be, said she; but I am told you are a great writer, and it is in my instructions to see all you write. So, look you here, said she, I will let you have a pen and ink, and two sheets of paper (for this employment will keep you out of worse thoughts), but I must see them always when I ask, written or not written.-That's very hard, said I; but may I not have to myself the closet in the room where we lie, with the key to lock up my things? -I believe I may consent to that, said she; and I will set it in order for you, and leave the key in the door. And there is a spinet, too, said she, if it be in tune, you may play to divert you now and then; for I know my old lady learnt you: and below is my master's library-you may take out what books you will. Ánd, indeed, these and my writing will be all my amusement; for I have no work given me to do; and the spinet, if in tune, will not find my mind, I am sure, in tune to play upon it. But I went directly and picked out some books from the library, with which I filled a shelf in the closet she gave me possession of; and from these I hope to receive improvement, as well as amusement. But no sooner was her back turned, than I set about hiding a pen of my own here, and another there, for fear I should come to be denied, and a little of my ink in a broken china cup, and a little in another cup; and a sheet of paper here and there among my linen, with a little of the wax and a few wafers, in several places, lest I should be searched; and something, I thought, might happen to open a way for my deliverance, by these or some other means. O the pride, thought I, I shall have, if I can secure my innocence, and escape the artful wiles of this wicked master! For, if he comes hither, I am undone, to be sure! for this naughty woman will assist him, rather than fail, in the worst of his attempts; and he'll have no occasion to send her out of the way, as he would have done Mrs Jervis once. So I must set all my little wits at work. It is a grief to me to write, and not to be able to send to you what I write; but now it is all the diversion I have; and if God will favour my escape with my innocence, as I trust he graciously will, for all these black prospects, with what pleasure shall I read them afterwards! I was going to say, Pray for your dutiful daughter, as I used; but, alas! you cannot know my distress, though I am sure I have your prayers: and I will write on as things happen, that if a way should open, my scribble may be ready to be sent; for what I do, must be at a jirk, to be sure. O how I want such an obliging honest-hearted man as John! I am now come to SUNDAY. WELL, here is a sad thing! I am denied by this barbarous woman to go to church, as I had built upon I might; and she has huffed poor Mr Williams all to pieces, for pleading for me. I find he is to be forbid the house, if she pleases. Poor gentleman! all his dependance is upon my master, who has a very good living for him, if the incumbent die; and he has kept his bed these four months, of old age and dropsy. He pays me great respect, and I see pities me; and would, perhaps, assist my escape from these dangers: but I have nobody to plead for me, and why should I wish to ruin a poor gentleman, by engaging him against his interest? Yet one would do any thing to preserve one's innocence, and Providence would, perhaps, make it up to him! O judge (but how shall you see what I write!) of my distracted condition, to be reduced to such a pass as to a desire to lay traps for mankind! But he wants sadly to say something to me, as he whisperingly hinted. The wretch (I think I will always call her the wretch henceforth) abuses me more and more. I was but talking to one of the maids just now, indeed a little to tamper with her by degrees; and she popt upon us, and said, Nay, madam, don't offer to tempt poor innocent country maidens from doing their duty. You wanted, I hear, she should take a walk with you. But I charge you, Nan, never stir with her, nor obey her, without letting me know it, in the smallest trifles. I say, walk with you! and where would you go, I trow?-Why, barbarous Mrs Jewkes, said I, only to look a little up the elm-walk, since you would not let me go to church. Nan, said she, to shew me how much they were all in her power, pull off madam's shoes, and bring them to me. I have taken care of her others.-Indeed she shan't, said I.-Nay, said Nan, but I must, if my mistress bids me; so pray, madam, don't hinder me.-And so, indeed, (would you believe it?) she took my shoes off, and left me barefoot; and, for my share, I have been so frighted at this, that I have not power even to relieve my mind by my tears. I am quite stupified, to be sure!-Here I was forced to leave off. Now I will give you a picture of this wretch: She is a broad, squat, pursy, fut thing, quite ugly, if any thing human can be so called; about forty years old. She has a huge hand, and an arm as thick as my waist, I believe. Her nose is flat and crooked, and her brows grow down over her eyes; a dead-spiteful, grey, goggling eye, to be sure, she has. And her face is flat and broad; and as to colour, looks like as if it had been pickled a month in saltpetre: I dare say she drinks. She has a hoarse, man-like voice, and is as thick as she is long; and yet looks so deadly strong, that I am afraid she would dash me at her feet in an instant, if I was to vex her. So that with a heart more ugly than her face, she frightens me sadly; and I am undone, to be sure, if God does not protect me; for she is very, very wicked-indeed she is. This is poor helpless spite in me; but the picture is too near the truth, notwithstanding. She sends me a message just now, that I shall have my shoes again, if I will accept of her company to walk with me in the garden. To waddle with me, rather, thought I. Well, 'tis not my business to quarrel with her downright. I shall be watched the narrower, if I do; and so I will go with the hated wretch. O for my dear Mrs Jervis! or, rather, to be safe with my dear father and mother. Oh! I am out of my wits for joy! Just as I have got my shoes on, I am told John, honest John, is come on horseback. A blessing on his faithful heart! What joy is this! But I'll tell you more by and bye. I must not let her know I am so glad to see this dear blessed John, to be sure!-Alas! but he looks sad, as I see him out of the window. What can be the matter! I hope my dear parents are well, and Mrs Jervis, and Mr Longman, and every body, my naughty master not excepted; for I wish him to live and repent of all his wickedness to poor me. O dear heart! what a world do we live in !I am now come to take up my pen again; but I am in a sad taking truly! Another puzzling trial, to be sure. Here was John, as I said, and the poor man came to me, with Mrs Jewkes, who whispered, that I would say nothing about the shoes, for my own sake, as she said. The poor man saw my distress, by my red eyes, and my hagged looks, I suppose; for I have had a sad time of it, you must needs think; and though he would have hid it if he could, yet his eyes ran over. Oh, Mrs Pamela! said he; oh, Mrs Pamela! -Well, honest fellow-servant, said I, I cannot help it at present; I am obliged to your honesty and kindness, to be sure; and then he wept more. Said I, (for my heart was ready to break to see his grief; for it is a touching thing to see a man cry,) Tell me the worst! Is my master coming?—No, no, said he, and sobbed.-Well, said I, is there any news of my poor father and mother? How do they do?-I hope well, said he, I know nothing to the contrary.-There is no mishap, I hope, to Mrs Jervis or to Mr Longman, or my fellow-servants?-No, said he, poor man! with a long N-o, as if his heart would burst.-Well, thank God then! said I. The man's a fool, said Mrs Jewkes, I think: What ado is here! Why, sure thou'rt in love, John. Dost thou not see young madam is well? What ails thee, man?-Nothing at all, said he; but I am such a fool as to cry for joy to see good Mrs Pamela. But I have a letter for you. I took it, and saw it was from my master; so I put it in my pocket. Mrs Jewkes, said I, you need not, I hope, see this.-No, no, said she, I see whose it is, well enough; or else, maybe, I must have insisted on reading it. And here is one for you, Mrs Jewkes, said he ; but yours, said he to me, requires an answer, which I must carry back early in the morning, or to-night, if I can. You have no more, John, said Mrs Jewkes, for Mrs Pamela, have you?—No, said he, I have not, but every body's kind love and service. -Ay, to us both, to be sure, said she.—John, said I, I will read the letter, and pray take care of yourself; for you are a good man, God bless you! and I rejoice to see you, and hear from you all. But I longed to say more; only that nasty Mrs Jewkes. So I went up, and locked myself in my closet, and opened the letter; and this is a copy of it: "MY DEAREST PAMELA, "I SEND purposely to you on an affair that concerns you very much, and me somewhat, but chiefly for your sake. I am conscious that I have proceeded by you in such a manner as may justly alarm your fears, and give concern to your honest friends; and all my pleasure is, that I can and will make you amends for the disturbance I have given you. As I promised, I sent to your father the day after your departure, that he might not be too much concerned for you, and assured him of my honour to you; and made an excuse, such a one as ought to have satisfied him, for your not coming to him. But this was not sufficient, it seems; for he, poor man! came to me next morning, and set my family almost in an uproar about you. "Ö, my dear girl! what trouble has not your obstinacy given me, and yourself too! I had no way to pacify him, but to promise that he should see a letter written from you to Mrs Jervis, to satisfy him you are well. "Now, all my care in this case is for your aged parents, lest they should be touched with too fatal a grief; and for you, whose duty and affection for them I know to be so strong and laudable; for this reason I beg you will write a few lines to them, and let me prescribe the form; which I have done, putting myself, as near as Í can, in your place, and expressing your sense, with a warmth that I doubt will have too much possessed you. "After what is done, and which cannot now be helped, but which, I assure you, shall turn out honourably for you, I expect not to be refused; because I cannot possibly have any view in it, but to satisfy your parents, which is more your concern than mine; and so I must beg you will not alter one tittle of the underneath. If you do, it will be impossible for me to send it, or that it should answer the good end I propose by it. "I have promised that I will not approach you without your leave. If I find you easy and not attempting to dispute or avoid your present lot, I will keep to my word, although it is a difficulty upon me. Nor shall your restraint last long; for I will assure you, that I am resolved very soon to convince you of my good intentions, and with what ardour I am "Yours, &c." The letter he prescribed for me was as this: "DEAR MRS JERVIS, "I HAVE, instead of being driven by Robin to my dear father's, been carried off, where I have no liberty to tell. However, at present, I am not used hardly; and I write to beg you to let my dear father and mother, whose hearts must be well nigh broken, know that I am well; and that I am, and, by the grace of God, ever will be, their honest, as well as dutiful daughter, and "Your obliged Friend. "I must neither send date nor place; but have most solemn assurances of honourable usage." I knew not what to do on this most strange request and occasion. But my heart bled so much for you, my dear father, who had taken the pains to go yourself, and inquire after your poor daughter, as well as for my dear mother, that I resolved to write, and pretty much in the above form, that it might be sent to pacify you, till I could let you, some how or other, know the true state of the matter. And I wrote thus to my strange wicked master himself: "SIR, tressed Pamela upon a rock, that may be the destruction both of her soul and body! You don't know, sir, how dreadfully I dure, weak as I am of mind and intellect, when my virtue is in danger. And, O! hasten my deliverance, that a poor unworthy creature, below the notice of such a gentleman as you, may not be made the sport of a high condition, for no reason in the world, but because she is not able to defend herself, nor has a friend that can right her. "I have, sir, in part to shew my obedience to you, but indeed, I own, more to give ease to the minds of my poor distressed parents, whose poverty, one would think, should screen them from violences of this sort, as well as their poor daughter, followed pretty much the form you have prescribed for me, in the letter to Mrs Jervis; and the alterations I have made (for I could not help a few) are of such a nature, as, though they shew my concern a little, yet must answer the end you are pleased to say you propose by this letter. "For God's sake, good sir, pity my lowly condition, and my present great misery; and let me join with all the rest of your servants to bless that goodness, which you have extended to every one but the poor, afflicted, heart-broken "PAMELA." I thought, when I had written this letter, and that which he had prescribed, it would look like placing a little confidence in Mrs Jewkes, to shew them to her; and I shewed her, at the same time, my master's letter to me; for I believed the value he expressed for me, would give me credit with one who professed in every thing to serve him, right or wrong; though I had so little reason, I fear, to pride myself in it; and I was not mistaken; for it has seemed to influence her not a little, and she is at present mighty obliging, and runs over in my praises; but is the less to be minded, because she praises as much the author of my miseries, and his honourable intentions, as she calls them; for I see, that she is capable of thinking, as I fear he does, that every thing that makes for his wicked will is honourable, though to the ruin of the innocent. Pray God I may find it otherwise! Though, I hope, whatever the wicked gentleman may intend, that I shall be at last rid of her impertinent, bold way of talk, when she seems to think, from his letter, that he means honourably. "IF you knew but the anguish of my mind, and how much I suffer by your dreadful usage of me, you would surely pity me, and consent to my deliverance. What have I done, that I should be the only mark of your cruelty? I can have no hope, no desire of living left me, because I cannot have the least dependance, after what has passed, upon your solemn assurances. It is impossible they should be consistent with the I am now come to MONDAY, the 5th Day of my Bondishonourable methods you take. "Nothing but your promise of not seeing me here in my deplorable bondage, can give me the least ray of hope. "Don't, I beseech you, drive the poor dis dage and Misery. I was in hope to have an opportunity to see John, and have a little private talk with him, before he went away; but it could not be. The See p. 54; her alterations are in a different character. poor man's excessive sorrow made Mrs Jewkes take it into her head, to think he loved me; and so she brought up a message to me from him this morning that he was going. I desired he might come up to my closet, as I called it, and she came with him. The honest man, as I thought him, was as full of concern as before, at taking leave; and I gave him two letters, the one for Mrs Jervis, inclosed in another for my master; but Mrs Jewkes would see me seal them up, lest I should inclose any thing else.I was surprised, at the man's going away, to see him drop a bit of paper, just at the head of the stairs, which I took up without being observed by Mrs Jewkes; but I was a thousand times more surprised, when I returned to my closet, and opening it read as follows: "GOOD MRS PAMELA, "I AM grieved to tell you how much you have been deceived and betrayed, and that by such a vile dog as I. Little did I think it would come to this. But I must say, if ever there was a rogue in the world, it is me. I have all along shewed your letters to my master; he employed me for that purpose; and he saw every one, before I carried them to your father and mother; and then sealed them up, and sent me with them. I had some business that way, but not half so often as I pretended; and as soon as I heard how it was, I was ready to hang myself. You may well think I could not stand in your presence. O vile, vile wretch, to bring you to this! If you are ruined, I am the rogue that caused it. All the justice I can do you, is to tell you, you are in vile hands; and I am afraid will be undone in spite of all your sweet innocence; and I believe I shall never live after I know it. If you can forgive me, you are exceeding good; but I shall never forgive myself, that's certain. Howsomever, it will do you no good to make this known; and mayhap I may live to do you service. If I can, I will; I am sure I ought.-Master kept your last two or three letters, and did not send them at all. am the most abandoned wretch of wretches. "J. ARNOLD. I "You see your undoing has been long hatching. Pray take care of your sweet self. Mrs Jewkes is a devil: but in my master's t'other house you have not one false heart but myself. Out upon me for a villain!” My dear father and mother, when you come to this place, I make no doubt your hair will stand an end as mine does.-O, the deceitfulness of the heart of man!-This John, that I took to be the honestest of men; that you took for the same; that was always praising you to me, and me to you, and for nothing so much as for our honest hearts; this very fellow was all the while a vile hypocrite, and a perfidious wretch, and helping to carry on my ruin. But he says so much of himself, that I will only sit down with this sad reflection, That power and riches never want tools to promote their vilest ends, and there is nothing so hard to be known as the heart of man. I can but pity the poor wretch, since he seems to have great remorse, and I believe it best to keep his wickedness secret. If it lies in my way, I will encourage his penitence; for I may possibly make some discoveries by it. One thing I should mention in this place; he brought down, in a portmanteau, all the clothes and things my lady and master had given me, and, moreover, two velvet hoods, and a velvet scarf, that used to be worn by my lady; but I have no comfort in them or any thing else. Mrs Jewkes had the portmanteau brought into my closet, and she shewed me what was in it; but then locked it up, and said, she would let me have what I would out of it, when I asked; but if I had the key, it might make me want to go abroad, maybe; and so the confident woman put it in her pocket. I gave myself over to sad reflections upon this strange and surprising discovery of John's, and wept much for him, and for myself too; for now I see, as he says, my ruin has been long hatching, that I can make no doubt what my master's honourable professions will end in. What a heap of hard names does the poor fellow call himself! But what must they deserve, then, who set him to work? O, what has this wicked master to answer for, to be so corrupt himself, and to corrupt others, who would have been all innocent; and to carry on a poor plot, I am sure for a gentleman, to ruin a poor creature, who never did him harm, nor wished him any; and who can still pray for his happiness and his repentance! I can't but wonder what those gentlemen, as they are called, can think of themselves for these vile doings. John had some inducement; for he hoped to please his master, who rewarded him, and was bountiful to him; and the same may be said, bad as she is, for this same odious Mrs Jewkes. But what inducement has my master for taking so much pains to do the devil's work for him? If he loves me, as 'tis falsely called, must he therefore lay traps for me, to ruin me, and make me as bad as himself? I cannot imagine what good the undoing of such a poor creature as I can procure him. To be sure, I am a very worthless body. People, indeed, say I am handsome; but if I was so, should not a gentleman prefer an honest servant to a guilty harlot? And must he be more earnest to seduce me, because I dread of all things to be seduced, and would rather lose my life than my honesty? Well, these are strange things to me! I cannot account for them, for my share; but sure nobody will say, that these fine gentlemen have any tempter but their own wicked wills! -This naughty master could run away from me, when he apprehended his servants might discover his vile attempts upon me in that sad closet affair; but is it not strange that he should not be afraid of the All-seeing Eye, from which even that base plotting heart of his, in its most secret motions, could not be hid?-But what avail me these sorrowful reflections? He is and will be wicked, and designs me a victim to his lawless attempts, if the God in whom I trust, and to whom I hourly pray, prevent it not. TUESDAY and WEDNESDAY. I HAVE been hindered by this wicked woman's watching me so close, from writing on Tuesday; and so I will put both these days together. I have been a little turn with her for an airing, in the chariot, and walked several times in the garden; but have always her at my heels. Mr Williams came to see us, and took a walk with us once; and while her back was just turned, (encouraged by the hint he had before given me,) I said, Sir, I see two tiles upon that parsley-bed; might not one cover them with mould, with a note between them, on occasion? —A good hint, said he; let that sunflower by the back-door of the garden be the place; I have a key to the door; for it is my nearest way to the town. So I was forced to begin. O what inventions will necessity push us upon! I hugged myself at the thought; and she coming to us, he said, as if he was continuing a discourse we were in, No, not extraordinary pleasant.-What's that? what's that? said Mrs Jewkes.-Only, said he, the town, I'm saying, is not very pleasant.-No, indeed, said she, it is not; it is a poor town, to my thinking. Are there any gentry in it? said I. And so we chatted on about the town, to deceive her. But my deceit intended no hurt to any body. We then talked of the garden, how large and pleasant, and the like; and sat down on the tufted slope of the fine fish-pond, to see the fishes play upon the surface of the water; and she said, I should angle if I would. I wish, said I, you'd be so kind to fetch me a rod and baits.-Pretty mistress! said she, I know better than that, I'll assure you, at this time.-I mean no harm, said I, indeed.-Let me tell you, said she, I know none who have their thoughts more about them than you. A body ought to look to it where you are. But we'll angle a little to-morrow. Mr Williams, who is much afraid of her, turned the discourse to a general subject. I sauntered in and left VOL. VI. them to talk by themselves; but he went away to town, and she was soon after me. I had got to my pen and ink; and I said, I want some paper, Mrs Jewkes (putting what I was about in my bosom :) You know I have written two letters, and sent them by John. (O how his name, poor guilty fellow, grieves me!)-Well, said she, you have some left; one sheet did for those two letters.-Yes, said I; but I used half another for a cover, you know; and see how I have scribbled the other half; and so I shewed her a parcel of broken scraps of verses, which I had tried to recollect, and had written purposely that she might see, and think me usually employed to such idle purposes.-Ay, said she, so you have; well, I'll give you two sheets more; but let me see how you dispose of them, either written or blank. -Well, thought I, I hope still, Argus, to be too hard for thee. Now, Argus, the poets say, had a hundred eyes, and was set to watch with them all, as she does. She brought me the paper, and said, Now, Madam, let me see you write something.-I will, said I; and took the pen and wrote, "I wish Mrs Jewkes would be so good to me, as I would be to her, if I had it in my power."That's pretty now, said she; well, I hope I am; but what then?" Why, then," wrote I, "she would do me the favour to let me know what I have done to be made her prisoner; and what she thinks is to become of me."Well, and what then? said she.-"Why, then, of consequence,” scribbled I, "she would let me see her instructions, that I may know how far to blame, or to acquit her." Thus I fooled on, to shew her my fondness for scribbling; for I had no expectation of any good from her; that so she might suppose I employed myself, as I said, to no better purpose at other times; for she will have it, that I am upon some plot, I am so silent, and love so much to be by myself. She would have made me write on a little further. No, said I; you have not answered me.-Why, said she, what can you doubt, when my master himself assures you of his honour?-Ay, said I; but lay your hand to your heart, Mrs Jewkes, and tell me, if you yourself believe him.-Yes, said she, to be sure I do.-But, said I, what do you call honour?-Why, said she, what does he call honour, think you?-Ruin! shame! disgrace! said I, I fear.-Pho! pho! said she; if you have any doubt about it, he can best explain his own meaning: I'll send him word to come and satisfy you, if you will.-Horrid creature! said I, all in a fright-Can'st thou not stab me to the heart? I'd rather thou would'st, than say such another word! But I hope there is no such thought of his coming. She had the wickedness to say, No, no; he don't intend to come, as I know of; but if I was he, I would not be long away.—What E |