« PreviousContinue »
Ther. Pr’ythee be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk : thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.
Patr. Male varlet, you rogue! what's that?
Ther. Why, bis masculine whore. Now the rotten diseases of the south, the gats-griping, ruptures, catarrhs, loads oʻgravel i'the back, lethargies, cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rollen livers, wheezing lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas, lime-kilns i'the palm, incurable bone-ach, and the rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries!
Patr. Why, thou danınable box of envy, thou, what meanest thou to curse thus?
Th Do I curse thee?
Patr. Why, no, you ruinous butt; you whoreson indistinguishable cur, no.
Ther. No? why art thou then exasperate, thou idle immaterial skein of sleive silk, thou green sarcenet flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal's purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered with such water-flies; diminutives of nature !
Patr. Out, gall!
Achil. My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
Ther. With too much blood, and too little brain, these two may run mad; but if with too much brain, and too little blood, they do, I'll be a curer of madmen. Here's Againemnon,-an honest fellow enough, and one that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as earwax: And the goodly transformation of Jupiter' there, bis brother, the bull, the primitive statue,-and oblique
memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's leg,- to what form, but that he is, should wit larded with malice, and malice forced with wit, turn him to? To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to an ox, were nothing: he is both ox and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would not care: but to be Menelaus,- I would conspire against destiny. Ask me not what I would be, if I were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse of
lazar, so I were not Menelaus.--Hey-day! spirits and fires! Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON,
ULYSSES, NESTOR, MENELAUS, and DIOMED, with Lights. Agam. We go wrong, we go wrong; Ajax.
No, yonder 'tis ;
I trouble you.
Here comes himself to guide you.
Hect. Thanks, and good night, to the Greeks' general.
Good night, sweet Menelaus. Ther. Sweet draught: Sweet, quoth ’a! sweet sink, sweet sewer.
Achil. Good night,
Agam. Good night, [Exeunt Agam. and Men.
Achil. Old Nestor tarries; and you too, Diomed, Keep Hector company an hour or two.
Dio. I cannot, lord; I have important business, The tide whereof is now.-Good night, great Hector.
Hect. Give me your hand.
Follow his torch, he goes To Calchas' tent; I'll keep you company..
[Aside to Troilus. Tro. Sweet sir, you honour me. Hect.
And so good night. [Exit Diomed; Ulysses and Troilus following. Achil. Come, come, enter my tent.
[Exeunt Achilles, Hector, Ajax, and Nestor. Ther. That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers, than I will a serpent when he hisses : he will spend his mouth, and promise, like Brabler the bound; but when he performs, astronomers foretel it; it is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun borrows of the moon, when Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than not to dog bim: they say, he keeps a Trojan drab, and uses the traitor Caschas' tent: I'll after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets!
SCENE II. The same. Before Calchas' Tent.
Dio. Diomed.-Calchas, I think.-Where's your daughter?
Cal. [Within] She comes to you.
them, THERSITES. Ulyss. Stand where the torch may not discover us.
Enter CRESSIDA. Tro. Cressid come forth to him! Dio.
How now, my charge? Cres. Now, my sweet guardian!-Hark! a word with you.
[Whispers, Tro. Yea, so familiar! Ulyss. She will sing any man at first sight.
Ther. And any man may sing her, if he can take her cliff; she's noted.
Dio. Will you remember?
Nay, but do then; And let your mind be coupled with your
words. Tro. What should she remember? Ulyss. List! Cres. Sweet honey Greek, tempt me no more to folly. Ther. Roguery! Dio. Nay, then,Cres.
I'll tell you what: Dio. Pho! pho! come, tell a pin : You are forsworn.Cres. In faith, I cannot: What would you have me
Dio. Good night.
How now, Trojan? Cres.
Diomed, Dio. No, no, good night : I'll be your fool no more. Tro. Thy better must. Cres.
Hark! one word in your ear.
beseech you, go.
Now, good, my lord, go off: You flow to great destruction; come, my lord.
Tro. I pr’ythee, stay.
You have not patience; come.
And so, good night.
Cres. Nay, but you part in anger.
Both that grieve thee?
Why, how now, lord? Tro.
Guardian !-why, Greek!
Ulyss. You shake, my lord, at something; will you go?
She strokes his cheek! Ulyss.
Come, come. Tro. Nay, stay; by Jove, I will not speak a word: 'There is between my will and all offences, A guard of patience :-stay a little while.
Ther. How the devil luxury, with his fat rump, and potatoe finger, tickles these together! Fry, lechery, fry!
Dio. But will you then?
[Exit. Ulyss. You have sworn patience. Tro.
Fear me not, my lord;
Cres. You look upon that sleeve; Behold it well.-He lov'd me-0 false wench!-Give't me again.
Dio. Who was't?
No matter, now I hav't again.
Ther. Now she sharpens ;-Well said, whetstone.