Most distinctly I remember, it was just about December- before Dreadfully I fear'd the morrow. Vainly had I sought to borrow, For (I own it to my sorrow) I was miserably poor. And the heart is heavy laden when one's miserably poor; I was doubtful and uncertain, at the rising of the curtain, Twenty years ago or more. Presently my doubt grew stronger. I could stand the thing no longer; 66 "Miss," said I, or madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; Pardon my apparent rudeness. Would you kindly have the goodness To inform me if the drama is from Gaul's enlightened shore? For I knew that plays are often brought us from the Gallic shore; Adaptations-nothing more. So I put the question lowly; and my neighbour answered slowly- And the music is delicious, though the dialogue is poor!" But at last a lady entered, and my interest grew centr'd Quoth my neighbour, "Nelly Moore ! " Then I ask'd in quite a tremble-it was useless to dissemble66 Miss, or madam, do not trifle with my feelings any more; Tell me who, then, was the maiden that appeared so sorrowladen In the room of David Garrick, with a bust above the door ? " (With a bust of Julius Cæsar up above the study floor.) Quoth my neighbour, "Nelly Moore!" I've her photograph from Lacy's, that delicious little face is And often in the nightfalls, when a precious little light falls (From "Carols of Cockayne," by permission of Messrs. Chatto & Windus.) THE JABBERWOCKY. LEWIS CARROLL. [The author of " Alice in Wonderland," "Through the Looking-Glass," and "The Hunting of the Snark," made his reputation in the world of letters by, perhaps, the most charming works for children embodying both fancy and humour, without any of that imbecility which is usually apparent in books of this description. As a writer of a peculiarly delicate and rhythmical verse, he can hold his own with the best of his contemporaries.] 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves And the mome raths outgrabe. The jaws that bite, the claws that catch? And shun the frumious Bandersnatch!" He took his vorpal sword in hand: Long time the manxome foe he sought- And as in uffish thought he stood, The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame, Came whiffling through the tulgey wood, And burbled as it came! One, two! One, two, and through and through The vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back. "And hast thou slain the Jabberwock? 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves, (By permission of the Author.) THE HUMOROUS QUACK. LEOPOLD WAGNER. IF the veracity of our informant is to be relied upon, a certain class of our latter-day itinerants must be regarded as purveyors of wit as well as of medicine. The following is said to have been overheard on a recent evening within a stone's-throw of the Borough side of London Bridge: Ladies and Gentlemen,-Gather round the establishment of Professor Passeymaquody, Physician in Ordinary to the Emperor of Wankeywollop, and all the Crowned Heads of Europe. (Stand on one side, you youngsters, if you please, and run away home to tell your mothers the professor is now on view, and if they have got any complaints, let them come and lay them before me.) Ladies and gentlemen, of every description and of both sexes,-If there are any among you afflicted with the ills of life which flesh is heir to-whether rheumatism, sciatica, consumption, liver complaint, heartburn, sea-sickness, or impecuniosity; whether inflammation of the lungs, concentralization of the nose, acclimization of the spinal marrow, or a want of vitality in the vegetable marrow; gravel, stone, or asphalte, fits and starts and feeling anyhow, an attack of the blues, whether male or female-in short, for every complaint under the sun, whether known or unknown, mortal or immortal, curable or incurable, I invite you to pay heed to some of the most wonderful cures which have been effected by my Oriental Restorative Medicines. Here is a bottle which I hold up for your inspection. I shall, however, not allow this bottle to be sold until I have explained its peculiar virtues and the ingredients of which it is composed. My medicines, ladies and gentlemen, are compounded out of the finest roots, herbs, and barks throughout the vegetable kingdom, and as gathered by my numerous assistants in every part of the habitable globe. The chief ingredients of this bottle are as follows: Fig leaves from the giant trees of California, dandelion from Epping Forest, Turkey rhubarb from Asia Minor, balsam from the gum-trees of Arabia, cod-liver oil from Billingsgate, quinine from Canada, elder flowers from South Africa, phosphorus from the Desert of Sahara, palm twigs from Palestine, burnt sienna from Primrose Hill, rock rose and stinging-nettle from Clapham Common, and a hundred other active medicinal virtues from both hemispheres, all powdered up together in a very concentrated form. Every year, ladies and gentlemen, I spend fifteen months abroad in personally superintending the preparation of my wonderful medicines; and if you were to ask me what they are good for, I would tell you that they are good for everything. They will make the blind to walk, the lame to hear, and the deaf to speak. They will even bring the dead to life again, provided there's some breath left in the body, and none of the parts missing. I therefore hold up this bottle for your inspection; but I will not even tell you the price of it until I have read to you a few choice testimonials as follows: "Dear sir,-I had my head smashed M M with a quart pot; cured with one bottle." "I had the buffer of a railway carriage run into my stomach; it had to be extracted by means of a steam crane; cured with one bottle." "I had my right arm crushed in my mother's wringing machine; but after a regular dose of your medicine for breakfast every morning, my arm was completely restored." "I was tickled to death with a flea-bite; but three doses of your medicine completely brought me to." “I was jammed into a pancake between two fat women in a crowd. They carried me to the nearest apothecary's, where they administered your medicine, and now I'm as round as a bullet." "I was knocked down and trampled upon by the mob in Piccadilly; cured with half a bottle. Your excellent medicine, however, failed to restore my watch and chain." "Dear sir,-Happening to take a walk down Westminster during the recent dynamite explosions, I was blown into ten thousand fragments. My head was picked up in St. James's Park, one of my legs found its way down to Woolwich, my left arm dropped on to Highgate Archway, and my body, in descending, blocked up the funnel of a penny steamer as it was passing under Waterloo Bridge. I was taken to the hospital unconscious, and discharged as incurable. There I was recommended to take your medicine, and now I'm as well as ever I was." Ladies and gentlemen, having now read to you five hundred testimonials of the most questionable character, I shall keep you in suspense no longer, but proceed to inform you that the price of my medicine, Government stamp and income-tax included, is only five shillings per bottle; and I not only charge you nothing for the bottle, but I present you also with a concise history of my own life and extraordinary career abroad, as reprinted by permission. In conclusion, I would beg you not to neglect this golden opportunity of purchasing my medicines. I attend all the important races, fairs, and markets, not forgetting the Whitechapel pavement. But to-day, being my birthday, it is only by an extraordinary freak of nature that I am here at all. I can, therefore, do no more than exhort you to consult your own welfare, and to take care of your feeble health, feeling sure that, if you should go home to-night and die before the morning, you would be blaming yourselves for ever afterwards for not having purchased my Oriental Restorative Medicines! (Copyright of the Author.) NELLY GRAY. THOMAS HOOD. [See page 431.] BEN BATTLE was a soldier bold, Now as they bore him off the field, But when he called on Nelly Gray, "Oh! Nelly Gray; oh! Nelly Gray, Said she, "I loved a soldier once, With both legs in the grave! "Before you had those timber toes, But then, you know, you stand upon "Oh! Nelly Gray; oh! Nelly Gray, For all your jeering speeches, At duty's call I left my legs 66 In Badajos's breaches!" Why, then," said she, "you've lost the feet Of legs in war's alarms, And now you cannot wear your shoes Upon your feats of arms.' "Oh! false and fickle Nelly Gray, I know why you refuse; Though I've no feet-some other man “I wish I neʼer had seen your face, For you will be my death; alas! You will not be my Nell!" Now, when he went from Nelly Gray, And life was such a burden grown, |