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miserable for a man to come home at night, let himself in, every body gone to bed, nobody waiting for him but the rushlight. Who can take care of persons and purses like a wife? Who can give gentle advice with such force as a wife, and how can a man ever be said to be starving when he has a rib. Oh, the delights of wedlock ! tea and buttered toast.
THE MARCH OF INTELLECT IN THE BUTCHER
I KEEP a snug shop, which had once a good stock in,
Spoken.]—She takes in all the penny publications, though she can't read without spelling the hard words-makes poetry, though she can't write ; and as to blank verse, makes nothing of itshe has made herself a halbum out of a old day-book,-and my eldest daughter writes down all the good things they can scrape together-if she goes into the shop to serve a quarter of a pound of suet, or a pennyworth of lights, she puts on a pair of white kid gloves, with the fingers cut off--and it's all through the march of intellect.
She dresses herself and her daughters so fine,
I get back from market each morning at seven,
Spoken.]—We've got two daughters and one son-Georgiana Matiīda learns the pye-anner and singing, 'cause she's got a woice ; and there she is strumming and sol fa-ing from morning till night, enough to drive all the customers out of the shopIsabella-Caroline, she learns French and parly vous like a good un, only we dont understand her. The music-master has hard cash for his notes ; but the French teacher having got on the books, “ For sundry legs of mutton and beef,” we takes it out in lessons—the girls are all the mother's delight-while the poor little boy, Augustus Henry William, runs about in ragged breeches ; and his mother don't like him at all, because he never wipes his nose-and it's all through the march of intellect.
The mother and daughters together combine,
In vain 'bout extravagant whims I do rate her,
Spoken.]-She scolds me for drinking porter, 'cause it's so vulgar ; drinks Cape Madeira at eighteen-pence the bottle—she puts all the washing out 'cause the steam's unwholesome-all her gowns are made like frocks, and all the girls' frocks like gowns-milliners bills come in by the dozen-she has a new front from the barber's every month, 'cause the fasion changes so—and she wants me to grder a pair of false whiskers for Sundays, and 'cause I won't she never gives me a civil word-and what d'ye think? though we've been married eighteen years, she says it's very vulgar to sleep together-and so we have separate beds—and it's all through the march of intellect.
These genteel ideas may be very fine,
PENN, NATHAN, AND THE BAILIFF.
It is a story of famed William Penn,
Like numbers of our lords and gentlemen.
William had got a private hole to spy
The folk who oft with writs, or · How d'ye do ?'
Friends from his foes the quaker quickly knew.
A bailiff in disguise one day,
Though not disguised to our friend Will,
Concealed the catchpole thought with wond'rous skill.
Dress'd like a gentleman from top to toe,
Will's servant, Nathan, with a straight-haired head,
Unto the window gravely stalked, not ran, • Master at home ??-the bailiff sweetly said,
* Thou canst not speak to him,' replied the man.
"What!' said the bailiff, 'won't he see ne then?
* Nay,' snuffled Nathan, let it not thus strike thee, Know, verily, that William Penn
Hath seen thee, but he doth not like thee.'
JOE STANDFASTS DESCRIPTION OF A SEA-FIGHT. We were cruising off the Lizard : on Saturday, the 29th of October, at seven minutes past six, A.M. a sail hove in sight, bearing south-south-west, with her larboard tacks on board clear decks ; up sails, away we stood ; the wind right east as it could blow; we saw she was a Mounsieur of superior force and damn'd heavy metal. We received her fire without a wince, and returned the compliment; till about five-and-twenty minutes past eight we opend our lower deck ports, and, as we crossed, plump'd it right into her.- We quickly wore round her stern, and gave her a second part of the same tune : ditto repeated (as our doctor writes on his doses).--My eyes ! how she rolled ! she looked like a floating mountain ! - T'other broadside, my boys,' says our captain, "and, dam’me, you'll make the mountain a mole-hill !-We followed it up, till her lantern-ribs were as full of holes as a pigeon-box. By nine, she had shivered our canvass so, I thought she'd have got off, for which she crowded all sail. We turned to, however, and wore ; and in half an hour, got along side a second time ; we saw all her mouths were open, and we drench'd her sweetly! She swallowed our English pills by dozens : but they griped her damnably! At forty minutes after nine, we brought all our guns to bear at once ; bang -she had it! Oh! dam’me, 'twas a settler! in less than two minutes after, she cried, “Peccavi !' in five more she took fire abaft! and just as we were going to board her, and clap every lubber upon his beam-end—whush !-down she went by the head !-My eyes ! what a screech was there !-Out boats ; not a man was idle! we picked up two hundred and fifty odd, sound and wounded ; and if I did not feel more joy of heart at saving their lives, than atall the victories I ever had a share in, dam'me!
THE FORCE OF HABIT.
HABITS are stubborn things,
There is no clipping off its wings.
To see the friendly vapour
Clothe all the room
He might have smoked and still grown old in smoke,
Protested that the noisome vapour
And cost her many pounds in stucco-
Now cakes and wine and all are handed round,
But Dick was missing, nowhere to be found,
'Twill make you stare-
An odd whim once possessed a country 'squire, that he would not hire any servant whatever, until ten pounds should be deposited between the master and servant ; and the first that grumbled at any thing, let it be what it might, was to forfeit the money. Being in want of a coachman, not one round the country would venture to go after the place. Now it happened that one Thomas Winterboura, a coachman of London, who had been discharged from a nobleman's family, was in that part of the country on a visit, and being acquainted with the oddity of the