I said: "What does your dwelling lack? The pretty hearthside tone? The note of domesticity?" He gave a fearful groan. "Alas!" he cried, while from his seat he slowly upward bobbed And seized his hat, "a flat's a flat!" Together then we sobbed: "One rubber plant can never make a home; One gas-log and a cat Can't civilize a flat. No! Something more is needed for a home." Unknown FOUR LIMERICKS A CANNER, exceedingly canny, One morning remarked to his granny, Anything that he can; But a canner can't can a can, can he?" A BRIGHT little maid of St. Thomas One day found a suit of pajamas; But I'm certain the garments ain't mama's." A TUTOR who tooted a flute Tried to teach two young tooters to toot. Said the two to the tutor, "Is it harder to toot, or To tutor two tooters to toot?" THERE was a young fellow named Tait, Who dined with his girl at 8:08; As Tait did not state, I cannot relate What Tait and his tête-à-tête ate at 8:08. Carolyn Wells [18 MORE LIMERICKS THERE was an old man of Tarentum, Who gnashed his false teeth till he bent 'em: And when asked for the cost Of what he had lost, Said, "I really can't tell, for I rent 'em!" A LADY there was of Antigua, Who said to her spouse, "What a pig you are!" Is it manners you mean, THE poor benighted Hindoo, For pants he makes his skindoo. THERE were three young women of Birmingham, In the reverend shins Of the Bishop engaged in confirming 'em. THERE was a young lady of Niger And the smile on the face of the tiger. THERE was a young lady of Wilts, She answered: "Then what about kilts?' THERE was a young girl of Lahore, To offer a chair, She had to sit down on the floor. Cosmo Monkhouse [1840-1901] IN good looks I am not a star. It's the people in front that I jar. THERE was a small boy of Quebec, But we don't call this cold in Quebec." THERE was a young man so benighted As if he'd been duly invited! THERE was an old man of Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket; And as for the bucket, Nantucket. OLD FAVORITES AN ELEGY ON THE DEATH OF A MAD DOG From "The Vicar of Wakefield " GOOD people all, of every sort, Give ear unto my song; In Islington there was a man A kind and gentle heart he had, And in that town a dog was found, Both mongrel, puppy, whelp, and hound, And curs of low degree. This dog and man at first were friends; But when a pique began, The dog, to gain some private ends, Around from all the neighboring streets The wondering neighbors ran, And swore the dog had losts his wits, The wound it seemed both sore and sad And while they swore the dog was mad, But soon a wonder came to light, That showed the rogues they lied: The man recovered of the bite, The dog it was that died. Oliver Goldsmith [1728-1774) AN ELEGY ON THAT GLORY OF HER SEX, MRS. MARY BLAIZE GOOD people all, with one accord, The needy seldom passed her door, She strove the neighborhood to please At church, in silks and satins new Her love was sought, I do aver, |