At eleven this lass had a Sunday-school class,
At twelve wrote a volume of verse,

At fourteen was yearning for glory, and learning
To be a professional nurse.

To a glorious height the young paragon might
Have climbed, if not nipped in the bud,
But the following year struck her smiling career
With a dull and a sickening thud!

(I have shed a great tear at the thought of her pain,

And must copy my manuscript over again!)

Not dreaming of harm, one day on her arm

A basket she hung. It was filled

With drinks made of spices, and jellies, and ices,
And chicken-wings, carefully grilled,

And a savory stew, and a novel or two
She persuaded a neighbor to loan,

And a Japanese fan, and a hot-water can,
And a bottle of eau de cologne,

And the rest of the things that your family fill
Your room with whenever you chance to be ill.

She expected to find her decrepit but kind
Old grandmother waiting her call,
Exceedingly ill. Oh, that face on the pillow
Did not look familiar at all!

With a whitening check she started to speak,
But her peril she instantly saw:

Her grandma had fled and she'd tackled instead

Four merciless paws and a maw!

When the neighbors came running the wolf to subdue,
He was licking his chops-and Red Riding Hood's, too!

At this terrible tale some readers will pale,

And others with horror grow dumb,

And yet it was better, I fear, he should get her:—
Just think what she might have become!

For an infant so keen might in future have been
A woman of awful renown,

Who carried on fights for her feminine rights,
As the Mayor of an Arkansas town,

Or she might have continued the sins of her 'teens And come to write verse for the Big Magazines!

THE MORAL: There's nothing much glummer
Than children whose talents appal.
One much prefers those that are dumber.
And as for the paragons small-
If a swallow cannot make a summer,
It can bring on a summary fall!

Guy Wetmore Carryl [1873-1904]

A NAUTICAL BALLAD

A CAPITAL Ship for an ocean trip

Was the "Walloping Window-blind," No gale that blew dismayed her crew Or troubled the captain's mind.

The man at the wheel was taught to feel

Contempt for the wildest blow,

And it often appeared, when the weather had cleared,

That he'd been in his bunk below.

The boatswain's mate was very sedate,

'Yet fond of amusement, too;

And he played hop-scotch with the starboard watch

While the captain tickled the crew.

And the gunner we had was apparently mad,

For he sat on the after rail,

And fired salutes with the captain's boots,

In the teeth of the booming gale.

The captain sat in a commodore's hat

And dined in a royal way

On toasted pigs and pickles and figs

And gummery bread each day.

But the cook was Dutch and behaved as such;

For the food that he gave the crew

Was a number of tons of hot-cross buns

Chopped up with sugar and glue.

And we all felt ill as mariners will

On a diet that's cheap and rude;

And we shivered and shook as we dipped the cook
In a tub of his gluesome food.
Then nautical pride we laid aside,

And we cast the vessel ashore

On the Gulliby Isles, where the Poohpooh smiles,
And the Anagazanders roar.

Composed of sand was that favored land,
And trimmed with cinnamon straws;
And pink and blue was the pleasing hue
Of the Tickletoeteaser's claws.

And we sat on the edge of a sandy ledge
And shot at the whistling bee;

And the Binnacle-bats wore water-proof hats,
As they danced in the sounding sea.

On rubagub bark, from dawn to dark,
We fed, till we all had grown

Uncommonly shrunk-when a Chinese junk

Came by from the torriby zone.

She was stubby and square, but we didn't much care,

And we cheerily put to sea;

And we left the crew of the junk to chew

The bark of the rubagub tree.

Charles Edward Carryl [1841

THE PLAINT OF THE CAMEL

"CANARY-BIRDS feed on sugar and seed,
Parrots have crackers to crunch;

And as for the poodles, they tell me the noodles
Have chickens and cream for their lunch.

But there's never a question

About MY digestion

ANYTHING does for me!

'Cats, you're aware, can repose in a chair,

Chickens can roost upon rails;

Puppies are able to sleep in a stable,

And oysters can slumber in pails.

But no one supposes

A poor Camel dozes

ANY PLACE does for me!

"Lambs are enclosed where it's never exposed.

Coops are constructed for hens;

Kittens are treated to houses well heated,

And pigs are protected by pens.

But a Camel comes handy
Wherever it's sandy-
ANYWHERE does for me!

"People would laugh if you rode a giraffe,
Or mounted the back of an ox;
It's nobody's habit to ride on a rabbit,
Or try to bestraddle a fox.

But as for a Camel, he's
Ridden by families-

ANY LOAD does for me!

"A snake is as round as a hole in the ground, And weasels are wavy and sleek;

And no alligator could ever be straighter
Than lizards that live in a creek,

But a Camel's all lumpy
And bumpy and humpy-

ANY SHAPE does for me!"

Charles Edward Carryl [1841

THE FROG

BE kind and tender to the Frog,

And do not call him names,
As "Slimy-skin," or "Polly-wog,"
Or likewise, "Uncle James,"
Or "Gape-a-grin," or "Toad-gone-wrong,"
Or "Billy Bandy-knees:"

The Frog is justly sensitive
To epithets like these.

No animal will more repay
A treatment kind and fair,

At least so lonely people say

Who keep a frog (and, by the way,

They are extremely rare).

Hilaire Belloc [1870

SAGE COUNSEL

THE lion is the beast to fight:

He leaps along the plain,
And if you run with all your might,
He runs with all his mane.

I'm glad I'm not a Hottentot,
But if I were, with outward cal-lum
I'd either faint upon the spot
Or hie me up a leafy pal-lum.

The chamois is the beast to hunt:
He's fleeter than the wind,
And when the chamois is in front

The hunter is behind.

The Tyrolese make famous cheese
And hunt the chamois o'er the chaz-zums;
I'd choose the former, if you please,
For precipices give me spaz-zums.

The polar bear will make a rug
Almost as white as snow:
But if he gets you in his hug,

He rarely lets you go.

And polar ice looks very nice,
With all the colors of a prissum:

But, if you'll follow my advice,

Stay home and learn your catechissum.
Arthur Quiller-Couch [1863-

CHILD'S NATURAL HISTORY

GEESE

EV-ER-Y child who has the use

Of his sen-ses knows a goose.
Sees them un-der-neath the tree.
Gath-er round the goose-girl's knee,