The Funny Thing Is . . .An indispensable reference for anyone who knows how to read—or wants to fool people into thinking they do—The Funny Thing Is... is sure to make you laugh. Ellen DeGeneres published her first book of comic essays, the #1 bestselling My Point...And I Do Have One, way back in 1996. Not one to rest on her laurels, the witty star of stage and screen has since dedicated her life to writing a hilarious new book. That book is this book. After years of painstaking, round-the-clock research, surviving on a mere twenty minutes of sleep a night, and collaborating with lexicographers, plumbers, and mathematicians, DeGeneres has crafted a work that is both easy to use and very funny. Along with her trademark ramblings, The Funny Thing Is... contains hundreds of succinct insights into her psyche and offers innovative features including: -More than 50,000 simple, short words arranged in sentences that form paragraphs. -Thousands of observations on everyday life—from terrible fashion trends to how to handle seating arrangements for a Sunday brunch with Paula Abdul, Diane Sawyer, and Eminem. -All twenty-six letters of the alphabet. |
Contents
| 1 | |
| 9 | |
Thats Why Prison Wouldnt Be So Bad | 15 |
My Most Embarrassing Case Scenario | 21 |
God What a Day | 33 |
Gift Exchange or The Art of Believable Acting | 39 |
Silence Is Golden | 45 |
Making Your Life Count and Other Fun Things to Do with Your Time | 51 |
The Controversial Chapter | 103 |
The Chapter of Apologies | 105 |
Dear Diary | 107 |
A Scientific Treatise Regarding a Matter of Great Entomological Concern to All of Us | 121 |
Its Just an Expression | 123 |
Clothes I Have Regretted Wearing | 131 |
The Odyssey | 137 |
That Was Then or Then Was That or Anyway It Was Before Now | 143 |
This Is How We Live | 59 |
Pennypinching for Todays Gal or How to Land a Man | 67 |
Working It Out | 73 |
Smartishness | 79 |
The Things That Are Bothering Me This Week | 87 |
My Dad Was Like a Father to Me | 91 |
The Serious Chapter | 101 |
Ellens Personal Home Tour | 149 |
Things to Be Grateful For | 157 |
My SelfConscious or Check Me Out | 163 |
The Last Chapter | 171 |
Bonus Chapter | 173 |
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Common terms and phrases
actually anymore Anyway bathroom beautiful Bonus Chapter BOOKSTORE CLERK Bundt cake called cats clothes Diane Sawyer Dionne Warwick Donatella Versace door dress drink driving dry cleaner Ed Begley Jr Ellen Ellen DeGeneres Eminem everything feel floss funny thing getting gift give Gloria Gloria Estefan Gloria Steinem going gotta guess Häagen-Dazs happen hate huge ice cream idea John Travolta Karen Kilgariff Kathy kids kind laugh live look mean minute never nice Okay pants person pretty prison pull realize remember Rico smart someone sorry staring stop stuff stupid sure talk Tara Lipinski tell Theatre there's thought tour wait walk watch wearing what's wheatgrass juice Wiltern Theatre words write دو
Popular passages
Page 125 - I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes — until I met a man who had no feet.
Page 82 - When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another...
Page 129 - Have a nice day." Cashiers and other service-industry people are forced by their supervisors to say this to every customer. The cashiers don't mean it. What they're really saying is, "Please, God, I don't want to get fired.
Page 50 - I had to pull over to the side of the road to inflate it again.
Page 4 - My favorite exercise is walking a block and a half to the corner store to buy fudge. Then I call a cab to get back home. (There's never a need to overdo anything.) 5.
Page 94 - So, we've sold you to a tribe of Iroquois Indians. They'll be here to pick you up in about an hour. We're going to the Ice Capades. Good-bye! Good luck!
Page 159 - Before my gratitude journal began, there were things out in the world that I wished never existed, like mosquitoes.
Page 73 - What better way to do something you're already a little leery about doing than by doing it backwards?
Page 34 - My parents created the universe and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
Page 116 - Do you know how long it's been since I've had a homecooked meal?